The dreaded H1N1 swine flu virus has finally penetrated the inner sanctum of satirical website TheSpoof.com, leaving Spoof writer Skoob1999 in a desperate struggle to hang on to life itself.
As Skoob is a member of this Spoof reporting team, we figured we'd get the inside story of this insidious virus from the man himself.
So we finished our drinks and piled into a taxi, hearts filled with gloom as we faced the terrible prospect of the demise of our fellow Spoofer, and of having to console Mrs Skoob. We sped to the Skoob residence post haste.
To our surprise, Skoob himself answered the door, looking a bit watery eyed, runny-nosed, and coughing quite a bit. It was at this point that Skoob admitted he had, in fact, contracted the dreaded H1N1 virus.
When we expressed our concerns (from a safe distance) that Skoob was rumoured to be knocking on heaven's door, he merely chuckled and produced a tissue, which he wiped his leaky nose with.
"It is a bit nasty," Skoob told us. "But it's not that bad. The worst part is the coughing when you're trying to get some sleep. It wakes you up, like."
We advised Skoob to seek urgent medical attention, but he merely laughed. Telling us:
"Look lads, when the coughing kicks in, I light a cigarette. I drink beer to help with the fever and the headache. I have a plentiful supply of tissues to mop up the runny nose and the leaky eyes. Come to think of it, I'm running out of beer, so I shall have to go to the shops to replenish stocks. I promise I won't cough on anybody. All right?"
So it would appear that despite the dreaded H1N1 viral infection, our colleague is otherwise fine, and it's pretty much business as usual.
"Not quite," Skoob told us. "I was coughing so much in the night that the Mrs had to decamp to the spare bedroom. And my hometown football team play Portsmouth this weekend, at Portsmouth. Which is roughly where I live now. I was hoping to get to the game but I might have to settle for watching it on Match Of The Day. Don't want to be causing a pandemic, now do I? Things are bad enough at Portsmouth as it is."
At which point we made our excuses and left.
Skoob will be back at work on Tuesday.
More as we get it.