Sarah Palin's Book Bombshell: I'm Still a Virgin!
Fort Wayne Indiana, Another day another Dollar General booksigning extravaganza for Sarah Palin. Mobbed by little old ladies sporting their Rush Limbaugh sweatshirts, hundreds waited in line for the chance to get their personal copies of "Alaskan...Read full story
New Study Shows Laughter is Not Best Medicine
In a shocking twist that is contrary to what the public has been saying for years, a new study released by the U.N. Department of Health has shown that laughter is not the best medicine. The study originated after three United Nations health worke...Read full story
Obama bamboo-zled & bitch-slapped by rude, diplomatically-bereft, offensive, race-conscious Chinese hosts in worst case of political impoliteness. State visit no more than a controlled dog show.
BEIJING: So there he was. Barack Obama - POTUS, Leader of the Free world, Agent of Change, the Most powerful Man in the World cutting a sad and sorry figure as he took in the Great Wall of China- like a well-behaved poodle being taken for a walk b...Read full story
Patrick Kennedy Says Good Riddance to Eucharist
PROVIDENCE, Rhode Island - Rep. Patrick Kennedy revealed Sunday that he is "not going to miss Communion at all," and is in fact relieved at the statement issued Sunday by the diocese, Providence Bishop Thomas Tobin, asking Kennedy to stop taking Comm...Read full story
Walsh needs breast reconstruction surgery
The British public finally made a sensible decision tonight and voted out Louis Walsh's haemmorhoid strokers Jedward. Sadly this move means that Walsh will now need reconstructive surgery since the prize tits he has been flashing on the show for t...Read full story
Courts: Police Authority Can Be Transmitted Via Semen!
A Federal Court of Appeals today set a stunning new precedent with their decision in the case of Mego-Mart, et al v. Doe. According to the unanimous ruling, official law enforcement powers, and, specifically, police arresting authority, are transfer...Read full story
'Going Rogue' By Sarah Palin Pulled From Shelves
Sarah Palin's book 'Going Rogue' has been pulled from the shelves due to a large misprint error. It seems that the intended title was supposed to be 'Going With Rouge', a more appropriate title. Word was sent out by the publishing house to thos...Read full story
New York Man Guilty of Dying Without License.
New York City, NY: A New York man was held without bail today on charges of dying without a license. Arresting office, and legendary Parking Meter Compliance Enforcement Specialist Miami Fickle, told the Court in sworn testimony, "I knew two and a...Read full story
Thresher Wine Shop To Close - Local Alkies Grieve
Emotional scenes here on the south coast tonight as news emerged that the local outlet of Threshers Wine Shop is to close early next month. Local alkies made the sombre pilgrimage to the store to purchase Sunday's stock of beers wines and spirits,...Read full story
The Secret Service Pulls Baby Sitting Duty
He carefully opened the door, peeked out, saw no one and took a run for it. His years of exercising now paid for itself. He hadn't been hailed as the fittest President ever for nothing. Unfortunately the Secret Service agent hiding in the bushes was younger. And fitter. He tackled the older man like he was a sack of oats. "I'm sorry sir. You know the rules. You are to keep a low prof...Read full story
Man Shot Dead by Interactive Video Game!
Burbank,Ca.-Amos Walker was such a video game fanatic that he had all three major video game systems, but his favorite was the WEE. So enthralled was he with the system's interactive features that he pre-bought every single interactive title months b...Read full story
Egypt declares war against Algeria after insulting Egyptians at a "footy" game!
This message sent by Reuterus to the UN was published today and Egyptian troops are now gathering off of the Algerian coastal border ready to attack the Algerian capital Algiers. The reason for this conflict is a football game played between them,...Read full story
Spoof Writer Honored on Veterans Day and Nearly Loses Life
BARBOURSVILLE WV (ABSNN) -- The late Art Linkletter said it again and again: "Kids say the darndest things." A home made Veterans Day card given to a writer for TheSpoof.com, FrankietheJ, brought great joy--and even greater pain--to Mr. J, a resid...Read full story
Scientists Converge on Giant Hardon Collider
Switzerland - Scientists from sixteen nations converged on the site of the beleaguered Giant Hardon Collider last week to assess what remedial work is required to get the super sized apparatus up and running. Max Schilling of the University of Fra...Read full story
A horse with a knack for magic has caused uproar amongst the magicians guild. Members are divided on the nag's proposed membership to the secretive clique. The argument centers around the fact that the horse is in possession of only one illusion,...Read full story
Strictly Come Dancing's Joker, Ricky Groves Goes!
LONDON - The 41-year-old joker of Strictly Come Dancing Ricky Groves has been eliminated from the reality dancing show. He and his partner Erin Boag performed a tango that Len Goodman said was more bango than tango. Ricky managed to accidentall...Read full story
Webuyyourorgans heralds new way of getting cash
Having swept the country claiming thousands of gullible victims along the way, the gold flu pandemic has now passed. But the people of Britain must now brace themselves and prepare to be rogered senseless by the latest TV advertising campaign that wi...Read full story
X-Factor: The Sun Shines Brilliantly Bright On Geordie Joe McElderry
LONDON - Joe McElderry's singing performance on the latest edition of X-Factor was so good that even the patrons across the street at Little Limey O'Shea's Pub gave the lad from South Shields a standing ovation. Inside the studio, the entire audie...Read full story
Storm hits UK Tea Cups in OAP home and causes havoc!
A massive storm has shaken the tea cups of Grannies and Grandads in an OAP home in Cumberland, UK. Nurses, carers and children of the shaken Grannies and Grandads were so shocked at the force of the "Storm in the tea cups" they were forced to clos...Read full story
Miley Cyrus launches stunning new 17th birthday suit!
New York - (WallSmart): The nude-colored line comes in subtle flesh tones featuring separates, underwear, swimmers and a fabulous formal two-piece suit. It will be launched on the Hannah Montana star's 17th birthday this Monday. "And not a trac...Read full story
PsychoTown - Part 11
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7| Part 8| Part 9| Part 10 Chapter 11 - The Conclusion/Confusion! "Stop what you're doing right now, Doc? I want some fucking answers" O' Halloran pushes open the mortuary door and points his finger at Doc who is slouched over a corpse, its entrails dripping from his hands. Doc gazes up, slightly bewildered.Read full story
Pope welcomes aliens into church
Pope Hitler III has declared that extra-terrestrial beings may join the Catholic church, as long as they obey its strict rules. The Pope made the announcement after being asked an interview question about whether Jesus ever visited space, or got cruc...Read full story
Jackson's "wanking glove" sells for $1m
A glove belonging to the late Michael Jackson has been sold at auction for $1 million. The glove is made from orphans' hair and is studded with diamonds. It is the one Mr Jackson wore in many of his music videos, and it is estimated that he used it t...Read full story
Belgium wins Eurovision Presidential Contest
The inaugaral Eurovision Presidential Contest has been won by a complete unknown from Belgium, Herman Van Rumpy, who works as a Prime Minister. The contest is based on the more popular Eurovision Song Contest, and was conceived as a way to "introd...Read full story
Tarp Funds used for Tarps
It was disclosed yesterday that 40 million dollars of the TARP money will be used to by tarps. A spokesman for the tarp industry announced "This is a watershed day for the tarp industry, we can now issue tarps to all those who are without tarp i...Read full story
Ark.and La. Senators to Ride with Santa
Hours of negotiations,arm twisting, and begging have finally paid off. A Senate Democratic spokesman said, "We've made historic progress with our La. and Ar. hold-outs, a compromise has been agreed to and will be ratified by mail." It looks...Read full story
Uga, the University of Georgia Mascot Dead of Broken Heart
ATHENS, GA (ABSNN) -- "It is with the utmost sadness that I must report upon the death of Uga the bulldog, revered mascot of the University of Georgia Sports Teams," said some idiotic spokesperson for the university on Friday. Details of the dog's...Read full story
Jazz Mag To Be Laminated
In a world first, infamous jazz mag Reader Wives is to be laminated. In a statement, whilst holding his breath, PR executive Geoff Fuigg of porn barons Paul Raymond blabbed "Readers Wives is a world renowned adult magazine, which give a copious am...Read full story
Man Crosses English Channel In Shoe
Thirty-nine year old Eric Dewit crossed the English Channel on Saturday afternoon, in a Cuban Heeled Shoe, in a time of F days, y hours and q seconds. In a bizarre twist, after landing at Zerf Point in northern Switzerland, Dewit, a Hairdryer sale...Read full story
Spatula Main Character in Emmerich's New Movie
Due to the great financial and critical success of 2009's 2012, in 2010, director Roland Emmerich's dream movie is going to be released, with a spatula and a tinted pickle jar as the main characters. "I wrote the screenplay when I was 9, and I've...Read full story
Currant Football Headlines: Brazil Unveils Wonder Boy
It is generally accepted that Brazil has the lion's share of outstanding football talent. With Pele, Ronaldo (the original, not the Portugese Thai lady-boy) and Ronaldinho not to mention Robinho and the various newcomers to the scene, talent has n...Read full story
Local Man Wakes Up To Find Big Blonde Woman Eating Kangaroo Testicles On The Telly.
Local man, Damian Hogan this evening awoke from a nap, only to be confronted by a big chunky blonde woman choking on kangaroo testicles in the jungle. "WTF?!" Hogan shreiked, before realising that he was watching 'I'm A Celebrity - Get Me Out Of H...Read full story
Hemorrhoids Attack Planet Earth
Washington DC: A government spokesman announced today, that a race of mindless blood lusting alien creatures from deep space has infiltrated our earth from the rear. Noted proctologists from around the globe have been watching, as the Hemorrhoids...Read full story
Local Man Falls Asleep Watching X-Factor
Local man, Damian Hogan tonight fell asleep watching the rivetting TV talent show, the X-Factor. When he later awoke, Hogan was dying to know what song Jedward performed on the show. Sadly, his wife could tell him no more than that it wasn't 'Wake...Read full story
Katie Couric Steamy E-Mails as She Attempts to Get 2012 Presidential Candidate Bargis Tryhol for 'In Depth" Interview for CBS Evening News
New York Tabloids are agog at recently released E-mails hacked from 52 year old Cougar, CBS News Anchor Katie Couric, as she desperately attempts to increase sagging ratings by 'shagging' 2012 Presidential Dark Horse Bargis Tryhol for an intimate, i...Read full story