Christmas office party ban could cost the UK plenty
With the recession still ringing in the ears of many UK companies, some are taking drastic action to reduce costs. Worse than making people redundant; office Christmas parties are being cancelled. This has left many office workers with a problem;...Read full story
Spongebob Squarepants in Donald Trump bust-up
Popular TV personality Spongebob Squarepants has found himself embroiled in an embarassing row with billionaire Donald Trump. Trump, star of The Apprentice USA, claims that Spongebob is living off him. Storms The Donald: "That squarepants is a...Read full story
Sir Alex Ferguson CBE Tribute Dinner - A three course meal of chewing gum!
Hilton, Park Lane, LONDON: On Tuesday, 17th November 2009, the LMA Hall of Fame 1,000 Club Dinner celebrated the success and longevity in the volatile world of professional football, those football managers who have managed 1,000 or more domestic le...Read full story
Conservatives Disappointed with Palin Book. Thought "Going Rogue" Referred to Wearing Underwear.
New York, NY: Legions of former Alaska Governor, Sara Palin, supporters reacted with disappointment with her new tell all book, "Going Rogue," according to national opinion polls. The poll of approximately 5,000 self identified conservatives sho...Read full story
I'm Just A Cockroach - Get Me Out Of Here!
An Australian cockroach called 'Ned Kelly Cockroach' or 'Ned' to his mates today gave a graphic account of an ordeal he endured whilst minding his own business in an Aussie jungle cave with thousands of his mates. It appears that the cockroaches w...Read full story
The Bud Adams $250,000 Tennessee Titan Bird Flip
NASHVILLE - Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams is minus $250,000 after the NFL fined him for his childish bird flip during the Tennessee Titans - Buffalo Bills game. The two handed finger shooting occured as Adams' Tennessee Titans were soundly trou...Read full story
Michael Jackson's Accuser Dad Found Dead
The father of Jordy Chandler, the boy who first accused Michael Jackson of sexual molestation in the 1990's, has been found dead. According to early police reports, the one-time Beverly Hills dentist died in New Jersey yesterday. Of what, no infor...Read full story
UK pigeon tossers find Poland
Krakow - (Lech Walesa): Two Barrow-in-Furnest orinthological abusers have discovered Krakow's national passerine depravity hub. The Cumbrian duo travelled to Poland's premier bird-toss festival last week much like sex tourists homing in on Thighl...Read full story
Simon Cowell Smells Unpleasant Odor On X-Factor Again
Simon Cowell, judge on the X-Factor, has began having that "Smells something unpleasant" look about him when he's unhappy with an act, or it could be Louis Walsh who is sitting near-by. "He does that without realizing it, I think", Walsh told this...Read full story
"Kinky" Beyonce joins "Steaming Thighs" Lady Ga Ga in a red hot video and loses her "Frumpiness"
Beyonce, normally revealing not a lot apart from her gorgeous butt, thick thighs and hot lips has really turned it on this time with "hot and very freaky" Lady Ga Ga! The video shows them both dressed in white, tight, kinky basques, simulating mas...Read full story
'Budgie in the Wind' by Elton Swan and Budgie Taupin released
After the tragic death of Sarah MacNamara's pet budgerigar this week in Liverpool, Sir Elton Swan released this song as a tribute to the People's Budgie: 'Budgie In The Wind Goodbye Scallywag Though I never knew you at all You had the grace to preen yourself And chase a wee toy ball Cat sneaked out of the shadows And made a grab for your wing You flew back to the kitchen And still c...Read full story
Jedward in "Milli Vanilli" scam shock
If you, like many thousands of other mentally retarded TV viewers thought that Scrotal lesions John and Edward gave their best performance "ever" on last Saturday's fi-X Factor, then stand by to be SHOCKED to your very core. It may not have been t...Read full story
'Arthur Daley and the Scottish Managers'
[Scene: The Winchester Club, London] 'So get round to the lockup as soon as you've had your drink, Terry, I've got a large delivery of Scottish managers needing unloading.' 'Do what?' 'You know, lots of Scottish football managers. There'll be a few crates of Moyeses and Coyles, and if we're lucky maybe a Ferguson or two. But don't let them Jocks sell you short, you know how canny they like to b...Read full story
French arrogance hits all time low as they admit Tokyo is planet's best place to eat, yumm, yumm!
The French renowned for their arrogance have now received the ultimate insult, Tokyo is the best place on the planet to eat and Paris stinks literally, it's the sewers you know! Actually, French arrogance has received several blows lately: Ex-p...Read full story
Lou "The 8 Million Dollar Man" Dobbs Signs Up For Unemployment Benefits
WANTAGE, New Jersey - Lou Dobbs who recently resigned from CNN, for whom he had worked 27 years, has applied for unemployment benefits. Louis Carl Dobbs, aka Carlitos, who still had a year and a half on his contract, was given a severance package...Read full story
Mariah Carey Releases New Christmas Album
Targeting the adult liberal music market, Mariah Carey is set to release a new modified collection of Christmas favorites, with adult themes and lyrics titled, "The Many Joys of Christmas". Denying that this was another attempt to sell herself as...Read full story
PsychoTown - Part 8
Psycho Town Recap: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7 6.24am O' Halloran waits at the east side of the old abandoned warehouse TM. He has a quick wank to keep warm: nothing like a warm wank on a cold morning. An ice cream van drives past. Is this the mystery caller? No. It continues on, obviously making an urgent early morning ice-cream delivery to the children...Read full story
Jennifer Aniston Denies That She Said She Wished Susan Boyle Would Beat Angelina With Her Ugly Stick!
"Oh, that's just some silly magazines getting their Jolies", laughed Aniston as she talked to a few of us reporters, yesterday afternoon. "Now I'm into it with Jolie AND Boyle! What does it matter? OK. I'm sorry Susan. I wouldn't compare your beh...Read full story
Adam Lambert Wins "Rookie Of The Year" In Gay Magazine
Adam Lambert and Wanda Sykes are on the cover of a popular gay friendly magazine (now with EZ-wipe pages), with each winning a major award, Lambert's being "Rookie Of The Year"! "He's a real up and comer" stated Congressman, Barney Frank. "We look...Read full story
"Shocking" Michael Jackson Death Secret!
Never-Land Ranch- Yesterday for the first time the family and physicians of the late pop icon Micheal Jackson came out with a somber message for fans of Michael and fans of plastic surgery. It was revealed that the true cause of death wa...Read full story
Spoof Club Part Drie
The Train to Amsterdam Deep sleep would have been welcome after a long day of story search and a late night of Jalapeno eating and professional bull riding, but I was awakened by my roommates who were shuffling around the floor, packing up their duffels. The youth hostel near the train station in Etterbeek had a curfew, but I managed to see the building manager outside the night before, having...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars: Mya Has Tutti Fruiti In Her Booty
HOLLYWOOD - Mya and her partner Dmitry Chaplin danced a salsa to Madonna's "La Isla Bonita" which totally thrilled the studio audience as well as the three judges. Bruno Tonioli said that the Island had never looked so pretty. Carrie Ann Inaba sai...Read full story
Palin & Prejean Good & Plenty in 2012
I am reporting, because I just made it up, that there are intense discussions going on between Sarah Palin and Carrie Prejean about a potential 2012 presidential race. Evidently Palin would lead the ticket and Prejean would be the Vice P. candidate.Read full story
Queen's Peach on ice: Dame Nellie Melba
London - (Just Desserts): Plans to impeach the royal family for creaming off previously frozen national assets have been put on ice by government security spokesperson Dame Nellie Melba. The Wind-sores were caught milking state benefits after a le...Read full story
Jedward Join Deadwood In Bedford
It has been sensationally revealed that to coincide with the formation of the, I feel, quite amusing headline, Jedward have been asked to appear in the long awaited new episode of American wild west adventure Deadwood. Long since thought to be fin...Read full story
Music To Your Ears: The Christmas War For Number 1 Begins
With the dreaded news released today that Rolf Harris and Status Quo were teaming up for a Christmas single and an attempt at the number one spot, it appears they are not the only ill-advised pairing threatening to assault our earlobes this festive s...Read full story
Gorgon Brown in stab-vest shocker
London - (Drowning Street): Special protection officers have told UK Prime Monster Gorgon Brown to wear body armour during meetings with Lord of Misrule Peter Mandelson. Worried cops videotaped Brown's secret meeting last week behind a Clarence Ho...Read full story
Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley moonlighting for Al Jazerra?
A seriously shifty looking bloke in a flat cap who claims to have something to do with "The One Show" has revealed that 'his mates' Adrian Chiles and Christine Bleakley are not on holiday but moonlighting for the middle-eastern Al Jazeera network.Read full story
Somali UFO mothership pirates seize North Korean cocaine tanker
Somali Basin - (Crackers): The Singapore-operated MV Mother Theresa 666 was carrying President Kim Jong Very Ill's entire 2010 recreational supply when the mothership struck. The 22,294 deadweight tanker was seized near Mahe during a covert noctur...Read full story
JK Rowling: I am the Belle De Jour phenomenon!
Edinbgurgh - (Philosophers Stoned): Serial children's fiction plagiarist JK Rowling has come out as the real Belle de Jour genius impersonated by Dr Brooke Magnanti. Rowling said today she is the iconic blog's 'immensely successful, pseudonymous...Read full story
Terror Group Responsible For Price
Al Qaeda have claimed responsibilty for the presence of Katie Price in the new series of I'm A Non Celebrity...Get Me Out Of Here. The mountainous fronted star of lad's mags the world over joined other non entities, in the trial based game show se...Read full story
New Lockerbie probe: the George W Bush/UFO connection
Scotland - (X-Files): Was Midget Oil hireling George W Bush behind the remote controls of a rogue UFO? A fresh probe into the Lockerbie investigation 'is making groan men Veep' according to this week's BigOilShagger! editorial. This examines h...Read full story
Vermin-in-Ermine row fuels Lib Dem leader's Queen prediction
London - (Armagageddinouttahere!): A wannabe Labour councillor has flamed Hellfire Club predictions that the country's top parasite will drop dead this Wednesday. Romford hopeful Peter White reckons a career forged on leeching taxpayer benefits is...Read full story
Americans Change The Rules In Sports?
It seems now days the world finds Americans exceedingly pompous when it comes to sports. We claim to have the "World Champions" at the end of a season. To countries around the globe who did not participate in that particular sport this may seem confusing. How can we have the "Worlds" best team? Easy, America is the world. Christopher Columbus found this "New" World which means everyone el...Read full story
Osborne Assures Nervous Bankers
George Osborne, the weaker half of the 'Dark Side' duo aims to reassure City financial bosses that they still have claim to all of the Her Majesty's tax income in a key address helping to 'keep politics as corrupt and inequitable as it should be'.Read full story
Clegg's 'Assassination Attempt'
Nick Clegg, Lib Dem leader by day and Hit-Man by night (The Yellow Reaper) has been accused of putting together plans to 'Wipe Queenie off the map'. According to the aforementioned insider, Clegg has been in talks with a member of British Royalty...Read full story
The original members of the Sugarbabes, Siobhán Donaghy, Mutya Buena and Keisha Buchanan have all been forced out at one time or another from the popular beat combo. Having now all been through the emotional wringer, they have been convinced to re...Read full story
Deck the Pope with Boughs of Holly
The Pope has recorded a Christmas album and will be going on tour to promote it. Vehicle of choice? His Popemobile of course, decked out with tinsel garlands and candy canes. His white beanie will be adorned with holly, and he'll wear a red-a...Read full story
Which Edward would? Edward Woodward! (1930 - 2009)
When I heard the tragic news that acting legend Edward Wooldward had sadly passed away a feeling of disbelief washed over me before the sad realisation struck me that we had lost another one of the greats. I was genuinely upset. The world had lost...Read full story
Hull City Sign Unknown Striker
Hull City today made a statement of intent way ahead of the January transfer window by sealing a deal to sign an unknown striker to bolster their forward line, in a bid to climb out of the Premier League relegation zone. The player, who, as I alre...Read full story
Homeland Security Raises Orange Alert Over Latest Shipment Of Cheap Chinese Crap.
A huge influx of cheap-good laden ships from Mainland China caused Homeland Security to raise its insecurity level to the orange level today. Normally, goods coming in from China raise no terrorist alerts, but due to the present economic crisis t...Read full story
Bernanke announces top ten new ways to stimulate the economy
WASHINGTON DC - Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke announced to a small disparate pool of reporters today that due to the weak U.S. economy and labor market a new ten prong approach to placing money in the hands of Joe the Six-pack will be impleme...Read full story
Ann Coulter Offers To Appear In A Naked Magazine Layout - No Takers!
INTERCOURSE, Pennsylvania - GOP Political pundit, persistent pragmatist, and progesterone princess Ann Coulter has decided that she wants to jump on the nude celebrity magazine layout bandwagon. Coulter in town visiting her paternal grandmother, 9...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Baby To Be Known As "Erm"
Manchester United and Engand dolt Wayne Rooney and his wife Coleen celebrated the birth of their first child recently, and have announced that, though the baby boy has been named Kai (laughs), he will most likely be known around the house as "Erm".Read full story
Religious Leaders Concur: Former US VP Dick Cheney is Going to Hell
In an unusual show of solidarity, religious leaders around the world representing Christian, Jewish, Muslim and even Buddhist faiths agreed that former US Vice President Dick Cheney is going to hell in his next lifetime. The predictions of eternal...Read full story
Obama Takes Out Contract on America
Washington, D.C.-President Obama, frustrated with progress on his health care bill has taken out a contract on America. Members of The United Union Goons Union will stop at nothing to see the contract fulfilled. Even if it means eating their own.Read full story
What Happens in China Stays in China
Beijing - Chinese leader Hu Jintao sent mixed messages today while welcoming President Obama to China on the heels of his groundbreaking speech in Japan. While pleased to have the president in China, Jintao is clearly not happy with the prospects...Read full story
Alan Titchmarsh poses for Gardener's Bird
Housewives favourite Alan Titchmarsh is set to cause a stir in when he poses nude in Gardener's Bird. The 57 year veteran broadcaster will show his water features in the magazine's 75th anniversary issue. Titchmarsh, who insists his surname is...Read full story
TV tough guy dies a sudden death
Obituary: Fans around the globe were mourning the death of Tranquilizer star, Ehwah Woowah, who passed away peacefully in his sleep. Woowah, 78, was known as the the no-nonsense tough guy who made The Tranquilizer such a hit. The long-running T...Read full story
'American Voters Aren't Morons' by Sarah Palin tops the US bestseller list
An autobiography by former US ex-vice-cleaning lady's assistant Sarah Palin jumped to the top of the US bestselling charts today, as there are no other US bestselling books. The book, 'Americans Voters Aren't Morons, (Honest)', was written by a jo...Read full story