A paper found in a trash bin has been discovered by a janitor who is offering to sell the three-page report that Michael Jackson was officially declared dead on May, 25th a full month before all the crap hit the fan, one month later.
Apparently, according to the man who found the coroner's report, Jackson was already committed to that big tour and millions of fans and dollars, when he croaked.
Everyone was then brought in to discuss how they could go ahead a continue with the tour. So a Madame Bitters of New Orleans was consulted and she was able to sacrifice a whole building of chickens at a KFC chicken processing plant in a special ceremony that was supposed to last six month.
"I laid an egg there", stated Bitters. "I let three chickens escape somehow. I think they had extra long peckers and made their way out of the building during the midnight ceremony."
Still everything seemed to be going well until Michael had a need for BRAINS! and someone fed him one from a nerd.
"He couldn't dance a step after that. Oh, he could state pi to the 100th number, but he could no longer dance."
That was apparently he was taken to mortuary and the ceremony undone (more poor chickens and one unfortunate hoot owl) and they made a pretense of finding him by calling out for the doc.
"Who knows how much this report will bring, but many believe it will make the bid for Michael's glove seem like peanuts."