Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 27 November 2009

image for MTV's Tila Tequila Says Her Boyfriend Shawne Merriman Has A Very Weird and Embarrassing Fetish
A photo of Shawne Merriman's backyard showing some of his discarded candy cigarettes.

SAN DIEGO, California - Singer, model, MTV personality Tila Tequila has revealed that her boyfriend, San Diego Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman has a very weird as well as embarrassing fetish.

The Singapore native said that Shawne consumes up to five packs of candy cigarettes per day. Yes five, as in 'cinco.'

Tequila, (pronounced Te-KEY-La Hic!) said that Shawne had made her promise not to tell anyone, especially the members of the entertainment and sports media.

She added that he even told her that if any one ever found out about his unusual candy cigarette fetish he would make her wish that she was back in the slums of Singapore singing on the corners for grains of rice.

Tequila said that recently after playing a game of fantasy football Merriman suddenly took the candy cigarette out of his mouth and started kicking her around as if she were a football, a soccer ball, or a kunshisoosaki ball.

When asked what in the world a kunshisoosaki ball is she replied that it is a type of football but without the air. She pointed out that it is used in the poor neighborhoods of Singapore since the poor parents of the poor kids cannot afford air.

Tila was asked if she plans on staying with her boyfriend given that his addiction to candy cigarettes could cause some irreparable damage to their relationship.

Tequila became sullen and said that she would remain with Shawne because she suffers from the same exact illness that fellow singer Rihanna has.

When asked what illness that is she replied that its official scientific name is Hombredependidad, or man dependency.

Sadly that illness affects about 7 percent of all American women between the ages of 16 and 96 and 9 percent of all American women between the ages of 18 and 98.

To learn more about this horrible affliction log on to www.hombredependidadassholes.dic

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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