Obama Accidentally Calls Cinco De Mayo "Our Independence Day"
Cinco de Mayo (May 5th) is one of two Independence Days in the country of Mexico (the other is the 16th of September). In a speech at a Media Fund-Raiser at a hotel banquet room in Southern California, President Barack Obama accidentally referred to...
Read full storyWhat Really Happened To David Hasselhoff This Weekend?
What really happened to David Hasselhoff this past weekend is that he had a few drinks and wasn't drunk as a skunk as he looked in the newspaper photographs. Friends say he simply wasn't feeling well after the drinks and had to go to the hospital.
Read full storyObama to Disarm U.S. Military and Repeal Second Amendment
President Barack Obama, in consultation with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, has decided that the time has come to disarm the United States Military. In a press conference at the White House, Obama said that "we have decided that the best way...
Read full storyDavid Cameron helps out in a soup kitchen
The leader of the official opposition, David Cameron, today tried to gain a few more political points and push him towards securing the next general election. David Cameron, the Leader of the Conservative party, was seen helping in Hackney, Londo...
Read full storyObama & The Supreme Court: Looking for Justice Empathy
At the weekly White House press conference, President Barack Obama, flanked by Michelle and Oprah, elaborated further on his search for an "empathetic" Supreme Court Justice to replace retiring David Soutar. "I want a Justice who identifies with...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart to get married!
Yes, it's true, (well, to be more accurate, false) Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are going to get married! Pattinson, 22, proposed to Stewart, 19, last weekend in a dream I had. Rob had taken Kris to Hawaii when he took her on a special dat...
Read full storyCourier delivers parcel shock!
There was amazement and shock today, as a courier working on behalf of a large catalogue ordering shop, delivered an item to the customer. Residents of William Shatner Crescent, were out on the streets in awe of the magnificent achievement by the cou...
Read full storySir Alex Ferguson Regrets Terrible Champions League Record
Sir Alex Ferguson has told journalists at a Press conference earlier today, that although he has enjoyed a wonderful reign in charge of Manchester United, he regrets having a poor record in the Champions League. United have won the CL just twice u...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh story has spoof writer considering retirement
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - It's been nearly 6 weeks since spoof writer cwthomson published the story "Rush Limbaugh Prefers World's Largest Penis to World's Largest Vagina" in The Garlic Press, and he says it's still one of his most read stories, every sing...
Read full storyHatton Announces Retirement From Looking Glum
Defeated British boxing legend, Ricky Hatton, has announced in a Press conference in Las Vegas, that after yesterday's loss to Manny Pacquiao, he is to retire from looking glum. The Manchester-based pugilist was trounced at the MGM Grand, but even...
Read full storyTony Blair to make Labour Party comeback
Tony Blair is planning to make a suprise, yet glorious, return to the UK Labour Party. A close friend of the former Prime Minister described how "Tony is livid with the state of both the party and the country overall. When he left everything was...
Read full storyAl Gore Sues Microsoft and AOL for Unpaid Royalties
Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States and Democratic Presidential Candidate for President, has filed a lawsuit in Federal Court for unpaid royalities. Gore is suing Microsoft, AOL, and several other computer companies for unpaid royalt...
Read full storyAdministrative blunder sees Madonna adopt Guy Ritchie and marry Malawian child
In what was expected to be 2 routine paper exercises, Madonna had intended to finalise her divorce from Guy Ritchie, and to complete the adoption of Chifundo "Mercy" James. However, in what is being described by her spokesman as an "embarrassing a...
Read full storyCameron caught with his pants down in Brown's back yard
It has been alleged that Tory leader and all round nice guy David Cameron, was arrested over the weekend after he was caught with his pants down in the garden of number 10 Downing Street. Downing Street, the official residence of Mr. Gordon Brow...
Read full storyGuernsey to be converted to "Super Prison"
Jack Straw, the current Minister for Justice in the UK, has confirmed that Guernsey is to be converted to a Prison Island. In a project being jointly run between the UK and French Governments, the island will commence its new life from January 1st...
Read full storySteve Guttenberg fired from playing himself in movie
Desperate actor Steve Guttenberg, 50 and depressed, has been fired from his latest role, in a film where he was playing himself. It is a terrible blow to the actor who had been hoping that his performance in "The Steve Guttenberg Story", would see...
Read full storySwine's: "We have man flu" ,claim pigs: Shock discovery at Old Browns Farm.
To Old Macdonald's Farm where a recent outbreak of illness appears to be bucking the media feeding frenzy thats got us all feeling "pigsick". In a bizarre twist in the tail,the crashing boars at "Old Browns Farm" all seem to have contracted what can...
Read full story"Orphan Curry" recipe causes shock and outrage
Ofcom are dealing with a record number of complaints today following a recipe, that was read out on a top cooking show, caused shock and confusion. For some unknown reason, the TV chef went through a full demonstration of a meal, referring to the...
Read full storyManchester United team all catch Swine Flu
A spokesman for Manchester United has confirmed that the entire squad have been struck down, all contracting Swine Flu. It appears that Gary Neville, who recently visited Mexico, is the individual who carried the virus to a United training session...
Read full storyCosa Nostra/Mafiosi Fiat devour European General Motors
Those renowned makers of quality, luxury, top of the range cars called the Mafiosi Fiat Group run by their owner Don Cor-flee-ownee, are about to become the second largest car manufacturer on the planet. Only Germany's Volkswagen is larger. Mafios...
Read full storyHilary Clinton attacks foreign dignitary
Recent efforts to rebuild the reputation of the United States abroad took a significant step backwards today, as Hilary Clinton attacked a foreign dignitary. The US Secretary of State gave the Russian ambassador what the media are referring to a...
Read full storyStourbridge Masked Mob Run Over Copper
Stourbridge, normally a calm and peaceful West Midlands beauty spot, was a hive of police activity today, as hundreds of officers converged on the town to investigate an incident involving a masked gang who ran over a beat cop without stopping. PC...
Read full storyChinese ordered to smoke more 'to prune down the population numbers'
Beijing, China - (Hand-rolling Mess): Local government workers have been given orders to double their weekly nicotine consumption after the Ministry of Health officials complained about improving life expectancy rates of Chinese pensioners. The ed...
Read full storyScientists identify outbreak of new 'Obama 'flu'
Just as the world was reeling after millions - well thousands ... OK, hundreds ... oh, all right then, three people caught swine 'flu in England, scientists revealed that a new form of the 'flu virus had broken out in Washington DC. New resident W...
Read full storyPrincess Eugenie mugged in Harrabs
London - (Right Royal Carry-on Mess): House of Ratzinger wannabe seventh-in-line to the throne Princess Eugenie has been mugged in Harrabs department store it has been reported today. The nineteen year-old slapper was just fumbling in her purse f...
Read full storyWenger prepared to bankrupt himself over Man United Semi Final result
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger is ready to bankrupt himself to prove his certainty of a Gunners victory in the semi final of the Champions League. The Frenchman has cashed in his life insurance, emptied his life savings and mortgaged his house twic...
Read full storyVatican invites Hanks to play the young Pope JP2 Lodge
Vatican City - (Papal Ass Mess): So impressed were Vatican top brass with Tom Hanks' latest performance in Dan Brown's Angels & Demons that they lobbied for the US movie actor to audition for the lead role of Carol Wojtyla in a proposed new film...
Read full storyUS Supreme Court subpoenas Janet Jackson YouBoob! footage
Washington AC/DC - (Booby Ass Mess): Footage of Justin Timberlake's three second Super Bowl 2004 grope of Janet Jackson's bare nipple has been subpoenaed by the US Supreme Court after judges at the Third US Circuit Court of Appeals in Philadelphia co...
Read full storyRicky Hatton to referee Floyd Mayweather Snr to vs. Floyd Mayweather Jnr
Boxing promoters have announced today that Floyd Mayweather Snr, aged 56, is intending to step back into the boxing ring. What has come as even more of a surprise is that he intends to fight his own son, Floyd Mayweather Jr, aged 32. This is a...
Read full storyBerlusconi wife blames husband for 'miners strike'
Rome - (Underage Ass Mess): Dusky Latin beauty Veronica Lario has blamed errant husband Silvio Berlusconi's 'consorting with miners' (sic) during a recent 'tools down' episode for the deterioration of their 19 year marriage. Signora B told Milanes...
Read full storySir Alex In Amazing U-Turn
In an amazing about turn, Manchester United boss Sir Alex Ferguson has revealed that he would sell Real Madrid (previously known as 'that mob') a virus after all. Ferguson, upset by the Spanish giants attempts to unsettle star striker Cristiano Ro...
Read full storyBerlusconi intends to marry Angela Merkel
In a surprising twist of events, Silvio Berlusconi has announced that the real reason that he is divorcing his wife, is that he intends to marry German Chancellor Angela Merkel. It appears that Mr Berlusconi intends to create a Pan-European state,...
Read full storyRyan Giggs To Buy MEN Arena
Reports coming in state that 35 years young Manchester United legend Ryan Giggs is looking to buy the MEN Arena venue in central Manchester because he needs a bigger place to store his collection of medals, awards, diplomas, international caps, and a...
Read full storyRicky Has Pool Party After Getting It In The Ring Saturday Night
Brave and fearless Mancunian Boxer Ricky Ribs Hatton entertained fans to a pool side party after he was bashed around in the ring on Saturday night by Manny Pacquiao. Hatton went down after receiving a hard blow by Pacquiao in the second round le...
Read full storyNew York Yankees demand 2009 season be restarted
The New York Yankees have issued a demand to the commissioner of Major League baseball today, requesting that the 2009 baseball season be immediately restarted. The Yankees, who signed new players over the winter with contracts over $250 million,...
Read full storyGaza Walls Breached Again
In 2006 and 2008 the walls of the Gaza Collective Punishment Camp were breached by Palestinians, desperate for food, water, medicine and all the other necessities of life that their Israeli jailers were depriving them of. On both occasions the scenes...
Read full storyLucy Bronze To Sign For Sunderland?
There was good news for Sunderland fans today after their recent run of poor form has left them teetering just above the Premier League relegation places. Black Cats manager Ricky Sbragia told reporters that the club was close to signing their fir...
Read full storyBerlusconi's wife demands divorce after latest bout of madness
The wife of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has had enough, the Italian press are reporting. The latest round of odd behaviour from Berlusconi saw him dressing like a clown and parading around on a unicycle with the aim of wowing attendee...
Read full storyVeronica Lario To Divorce Berlusconi
The wife of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has finally had enough and filed for divorce as her husband's behaviour has become increasingly bizarre. Berlusconi, owner of AC Milan football outfit has been a constant embarrassment to his lo...
Read full storyPope orders the immediate capture of Tom Hanks
Pope Benedict XVI has taken a hard-line stance against the new film "Angels and Demons", by ordering the assassination of actor Tom Hanks in the name of God himself. It is certainly an aggressive stance to the film which does paint the Catholic ch...
Read full storyNaked Couple Going At It Hot & Heavy In Garbage Dumpster
A Saanich, British Columbian police officer who responded to a suspicious persons call that a lot of noise was being heard behind a grocery there probably wishes he hadn't, after he stumbled upon two naked adults going at it hot and heavy in a garbag...
Read full story"Made in America" Remember the American Indian whose single tear represented litter in America? Whose tears are now being shed because so little is "Made in America"?
If you are a baby boomer you do indeed remember the American Indian who shed a single tear of sorrow because of those who thought so little of America as to blatantly toss garbage and trash in the streets, fields, and parks of this great and proud land. If you are too young to recall that famous public service TV reference to protecting America's beauty then I'm sorry to tell you, those who sh...
Read full storyIf you were to be homeless, in which of the 195 countries on earth would you prefer to be so?
There is so much economic devastation goin' on right now. The best of the best say things will get worse before they get better. Unemployment, it is predicted, may be as high as 9 percent by 2010. Thousands of retail store closings, small, and large businesses, are projected to in 2009. Foreclosures continue to rise. Financial institutions still refuse to lend. Colleges and universities struggle t...
Read full storyMadonna & Brangelina at odds
Reports suggest that pop superstar, and hollywood glamour couple, Angelina and Brad Jolie have become entangled in a short, but messy court saga in regards to adoption rights. The whole row started when Brangelina wanted to adopt young Malawian Ob...
Read full storyBGT's Janine Gives Sue Son The Big Finger
A sensational turn of events unfolded here in the UK this morning when BGT reject Janine Khalil turned the tables in spectacular fashion over ex-best friend and shameless backstabber Sue Son. "Sue and I will never be friends again," Janine told us...
Read full story"In defense of Lawyers" After all, lawyers are people too!
Just yesterday I told a 'lawyer' joke. Admittedly my opinion of lawyers probably mimics that of many. Yet, when appropriate situations occur most of us call the proverbial 'mouth piece'. Realistically, doctors may be assessed as greedy and unscrupulous as well. But, when was the last time you were earshot of a prejudicial doctor joke? Lawyers will probably tell us they get a bad rap. John Edwar...
Read full storyBGT's Jamie Pugh To Have Last Laugh In Pizzagate Affair
BGT's Jamie Pugh, appearing relaxed and happy spoke to us this morning about his sensational sacking from his part time job as a pizza delivery driver. Reports were circulating that Pugh had fallen into the pits of despair following the heartless mov...
Read full storySales of Swine Flu Provisions Shore Up Floundering US Economy
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Not since WWII helped bring America out of the Great Depression has a crisis offered so much hope of economic salvation. Immediately following the World Health Organization's announcement of the impending swine flu epidemic on A...
Read full storyHannah Montana does NOT have swine flu
There is absolutely no truth to the rumour that Hannah Montana has contracted swine flu, this website can confirm. After several days where nobody has suggested that Hannah Montana has either shown symptons of the disease, been to Mexico or been a...
Read full story"Bias" I'm the greatest; by Arnie Sherr
"I'm the greatest"; a declaration made famous by Mohamed Ali - I think after he changed from his birth name, Cashes Clay. Was it conceit or simply personal "bias"? To me, "bias" is the antonym of "prejudice." They don't exactly mean the same thing, but they are sort of used in the same way. Bias is used to suggest pro, whereas prejudice is used to suggest nay. In other words, to be bias i...
Read full storyBeatles To Play 50 Wembley Stadium Gigs This Summer
It was announced today to a packed press conference that the Beatles will be playing fifty gigs at Wembley Stadium this summer - in direct opposition to Michael Jackson's O2 Arena marathon. This has been made possible by US high tech corporation,...
Read full storyArchaeologists: "Stonehenge was built simply to confuse us"
New excavations at Stonehenge appear to point to the great monument having been built with the sole purpose of baffling archaeologists. 'We make a mistake sometimes,' explained Professor Bluestone-Lintel of Leicester University, 'in assuming that...
Read full storyMarie Osmond Leaves Utah To Join Rolling Stones Tour!
Mormon mom Marie Osmond leaves hers troubles behind to new life on the road, doing music that she loves! Marie Osmond 49, has left years of heartache behind in Utah and moved to Las Vegas, where the devout Mormon is once again working with brother...
Read full storyPaddington Bear - The Truth
Mr Brown was a Man of little consequence, carrying a little case, containing a little of his life, but of no consequence to anyone else. He thought of his family, and Mr Gruber, the unpleasant little Neo-Nazi who lived next door, who shook his fist at the world, and who grew old and grey, because he had never been lucky enough to meet the right girl. Mr Brown was at the station,...
Read full storyCircle of Fear Nearly Complete, Say News Media
WASHINGTON, D.C. - With an estimated 95% of Americans receiving swine flu case count updates at least once every five minutes, the US Government and news media have declared their circle of fear to be nearly complete. "Just a few more days, and we...
Read full storyArlen Specter Party Switch Serves as Wake-up Call to GOP; Republicans Hit "Snooze"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Veteran Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter recently shed himself of the GOP, joining ranks with the Democratic party. He says the switch serves as "a wake-up call" to Republicans, who collectively rolled over, hit the snooze butto...
Read full storyOJ Simpson escapes from Prison
Disgraced ex-football start OJ "The Juice" Simpson has escaped from his cell in the Lovelock Correctional Center. Simpson who early on in serving his term had placed a giant poster of himself on a wall, seems to have been busy tunnelling out behin...
Read full storyAlan Shearer targets Joey Barton for punishment
Reports are indicating that Newcastle temporary manager Alan "Niceguy" Shearer has already handed out some notable punishment to Joey Barton following his sending off against Liverpool. It is an interesting turn of events, as given his nice guy im...
Read full storyBaby biscuits ditched
Food maker, Bull & Fence is to discontinue a biscuits range for babies which was found to contain Food. The Children's Food Campaign discovered it was among more than 50 products with higher-than-suggested levels of Food. Obesity The Foo...
Read full storyAppearance on Oprah Lands Kirstie Alley Donut Contract
WINSTON-SALEM, NC - Maybe Kirstie Alley isn't a "perfect fit" for Jenny Craig anymore, but that's just fine with donut manufacturer Krispy Dunk. Inspired by her testimonial on Oprah's show Thursday, company executives negotiated a contract and signe...
Read full storyBarton Blames Hatton
Newcastle United badboy Joey Barton has lay the blame for his extraordinary and unnecessary challenge on Liverpool's Xabi Alonso at Anfield yesterday, squarely at the door of his friend and fellow Manchester City fan, Ricky Hatton. Hatton was beat...
Read full storyHatton Announces Plan To Fight With Hat On In The Future
Ricky Hatton, the Manchester-based boxer who was so unceremoniously dumped onto the canvas at the weekend by Filipino pocket dynamo Manny Pacquiao, has said that, in all future championship bouts, he will fight opponents wearing his trusty sunhat.
Read full storyHollywood backs Harriet Harman to lead Labour Party
A number of Hollywood stars have come out in favour of Harriet Harman MP, should there be any leadership contest in the troubled Labour Party. Although she is adamant that she is behind the current Prime Minister Gordon Brown, a number of rumours...
Read full storyCristiano Ronaldo adds "h" to first name to be more holy
Manchester United footballer Cristiano Ronaldo has made a slight change to his first name in order to be more "like the messiah". The name change to "Christ-I-am-O Ronaldo" is being described by some top sports writers as yet another example of ho...
Read full storyRumpled Drunk on Bailey's Foresaw England's Future
The brilliant British TV classic Rumpled Drunk on Bailey's proved not only to be great viewing but also has proven to be quite prescient. Multiple plots from the alcoholic barrister's adventures in London's courts and barrooms have literally come tru...
Read full storyDick Cheney Released H1N1A Virus to Spoil Obama's 100th day
FBI and CIA investigators have discovered huge vats of swine flu virus in the still undisclosed hiding place/ office of former VP Dick Cheney. Agency psychologists have disclosed information that identifies Cheney as the kind of bitter old man who wo...
Read full storyAl Gore Invented the Internet to Bring Global Energy Supply to its Knees
Scientist and Power industry experts fear that the insatiable demand for electricity to power the internet may cause power grids across thw globe to collapse. The report after a few hours of digestion brought an A-Hah! Moment as the tumblers turned a...
Read full storyBenedict Arnell Specter the Defector
As the Republicant Party can't seem to get anything right every sensible member except Joe Lieberman is running to the Democrat hills. The latest defector Arlen Specter has been a political liberal for years. The collapse of the Republican Party...
Read full storyDePalma to shoot Carrie Prejean in "Carrie: Reloaded" also staring Perez Hilton
Hollywood, California - Famous movie director, Brian DePlama, has just signed a deal with an independent film production company to remake his classic teenage horror film from the '70s: "Carrie". Roles originally played by Sissy Spacek and John Travi...
Read full storySpoof Receives Scary 'Chain Letter' That We Want To Share With You
The 'chain letter' you are now reading has been circulating the Internet lately and has disturbed many viewers. It states that if you do not send this article on to twenty other viewers within 48 hours that you will die a horrible, screaming death,...
Read full storyWorld of Wiretapping?
Surveillance cameras have been installed in more and more online games, discreetly watching and listening to people as they launch rocket attacks or fire bullets at one another, or meet in secrecy to overthrow an overlord. Experts say it's an agg...
Read full storyHard To Starboard (HTS) TV Network Formed
New York NY: Ms. Ann Coulter author and Republican conservative right wing pundit was seen with Jeff Zucker President & CEO of NBC Universal, having a quiet intimate dinner. Observers speculated that there may be some romantic angle here. Howe...
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