Written by Ben Macnair

Monday, 4 May 2009

image for Paddington Bear - The Truth
Please look after this bear - or else............

Mr Brown was a Man of little consequence,
carrying a little case,
containing a little of his life,
but of no consequence
to anyone else.

He thought of his family,
and Mr Gruber,
the unpleasant little Neo-Nazi
who lived next door,
who shook his fist at the world,
and who grew old and grey,
because he had never been lucky enough
to meet the right girl.

Mr Brown was at the station,
there were the wrong leaves on the line,
and he grew used to nature
wasting his boss's time

He could smell Marmalade,
and wet fur, as he stood by a small
furry creature wearing a Blue duffle coat.
He looked again, but he thought nothing else of it,
he was clearly mistaken, all of the other commuters
stood stone faced, and did not care to notice that
further down the platform was a Bear.
He looked cute and cuddly alright,
looked like butter would not melt,
but Mr Brown had seen bears on the TV -
Mr Attenborough never got too close.

Mr Brown wandered over to the Bear,
who was waiting patiently for the train,
as if it was second nature to him,
and it probably was,
Bears had to work to afford life's little luxuries,
and the Duffle coat looked like it had cost
more than the average weekly wage,
even the hat that the bear removed
when Mr Brown spoke to him was well made.

'Mr Brown' said the businessman as an introduction
'Pleased to meet you' said the bear, in a strangely
upper class accent, even though he was not a native.
The two shook hands, and Mr Brown noticed the sign
that hung from the Bear's coat
'Please look after this bear'

Mr Brown decided to take the day of from work,
and walked the bear to his Car.
No-one asked questions, as the two of them drove through
A business man, and a bear in a Car goes strangely unremarked

Mr Brown made the Bear Marmalade sandwiches,
and the two of them sat down to watch Loose Women
on the TV, whilst they went on about what was happening
in Celebrity land.

Mrs Brown came back from work,
and saw her husband, and their new house guest
solving the Times Crossword.
Mr Brown filled in the words,
and the bear solved the clues,
like he was a furry Carol Vorderman.

'We can't have him here, there must be laws against it'
said Mrs Brown, as she and her husband stood discussing
their newest conundrum.

'He will fit right in' said Mr Brown,
'and you know how much the kids miss the cat'

'But a Cat is a Cat. How can we explain a Bear to the neighbours?'

'He is perfectly house-trained. See him as a hairy lodger. He has a good job, and likes Marmalade sandwiches, you will hardly know he is here'

'But Mr Gruber will say something. You know what he is like'

'He won't be a problem. Give Paddington a chance?'

'Is that his name?'

'No, it was where I found him. He had a sign saying please look after this bear.

What else was I meant to do?'

'Well, he is here now. I suppose I had better make up the spare bed'

Weeks passed, and Paddington proved to be an asset.
He kept himself out of trouble,
never met Mr Gruber, well not after the first time,
but a Bear has to kill once in a while.

It was months before people asked questions about Mr Gruber.
Paddington had bought a new Duffle coat, a red one,
and a new hat,
and had developed a taste for Marmite,
and it was then that the trouble started.

Paddington was a star again,
not for him the same fate that befell
Bagpuss, or the gang from Rainbow.
He did not melt like Morph,
He just got famous for liking a food stuff,
and made the Brown Family enough to live on for the rest of their days.

Mr Brown never regretted meeting Paddington, the Bear he found at a Station, but he knows better than to ask about those times when Paddington is missing for days,
and comes back looking a mess.
Paddington may be old,
But an old Bear still has claws………………………….

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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