London - (Right Royal Carry-on Mess): House of Ratzinger wannabe seventh-in-line to the throne Princess Eugenie has been mugged in Harrabs department store it has been reported today.
The nineteen year-old slapper was just fumbling in her purse for the requisite fifty quid note to give to her security officer in exchange for a couple of wraps of Harrabs Bespoke Cocaine when 'an ugly looking old man' leapt out from behind and made off with her wallet.
Royal protection officers immediately gave chase around the Knightsbridge store before realising it was Mohammed Fired who had mugged Eugenie.
No charges were pressed after the ageing old grocer threatened to spill the beans about Eugenie's 'involvememnt' in the death crash of Princess Diana and her consort Dodo.
Paul Burrell is 69.