Swiss "Reverse Psychology" Curbs Smoking and Genocide
A small study by psychologists from the United States, Switzerland and Germany showed that warnings unrelated to death were more effective in changing smokers' attitudes toward their habit. "In general, when smokers are faced with death-related an...
Read full storyFreed Hostage Peter Moore: I Blame Dick Cheney
London - (Rotters): "An IRA kidnap, led by the Iranian Revolutionary Guard, carried out by the al-Quds brigade on behalf of Iraqi heroin cartels? You kidding??" Freed British hostage Peter Moore says the whole Iraq/Iran adbuction controvery is roo...
Read full storyNC Woman Dead for Months Despite Visits, Reopens Celebrity Investigations
WILMINGTON, N.C. (AP) -- The body of an elderly woman in North Carolina remained in her bed for up to eight months even though caretakers paid daily visits to the house and kept it tidy, authorities said Wednesday. New Hanover County Deputy Charle...
Read full storyNew Report Shows Americans Healthier Than Ever as 20 Million Give Up Health Insurance
Americans have long enjoyed a position of hard fought superiority over the rest of the world's citizens. For centuries, Americans have both rocked and kicked ass. Just ask them. The United States is often promoted as a paragon of military prowess, ec...
Read full storyHollister Co. Sues Hollister Ca. for Existing
A group of British executives representing 11 Hollister Co. stores in the United Kingdom suffered through a horrific 48-hour ordeal when they accidentally traveled to Hollister, California, mistaking it for the origin of the eponymous clothing brand.
Read full storyMadagascar Leader King Julien Tears Up Power-Sharing Deals
ANTANANARIVO - Madagascar's president has formally rejected internationally brokered power-sharing deals and said any attempt by the opposition to form a parliament this week would be illegal. "I am very clever king... tok tok tok tok... I am supe...
Read full storyAmelle Berrabah of The British Band The Sugarbabes Says Goodbye To Her Anorexic Look
ST. JAMES, Barbados - Amelle Berrabah of the British band Sugarbabes proudly announced that she has finally said goodbye to her anorexic-looking body. The 24-year-old singer said that several months ago she saw a diet specialist in Tokyo Japan, Dr...
Read full storyNorth Pole Offices Flooded with Angry Letters from Children Who Wanted Two Front Teeth but Received Wii Gaming Consoles
ANCHORAGE, AK -- Postal workers at the North Pole were inundated this week by millions of letters from children who received video game systems instead of the two front teeth they requested. "I've been good all year," nine-year-old Barry Nostrom l...
Read full storyQueen's ashes to be returned to husband in the Vatican
Sandringham, Norfolk - (RIP Mess): Instructions in her Last Will & Testicle stipulate her legal next of kin must inter her ashes next to those of her father Adolf Hitler in the Vatican mausoleum. The 1950 draft, witnessed and signed by General...
Read full storyUS Navy's Top Secret Weapon, Frankie J, Recalled After Premature Blast Off of Short Range Bionic Pocket Rocket!
The Navy's newest weapon to combat Somalian Pirates, and The Spoofs own Journalist on Counter Terrorism Activities, the amzain' Bionic Man, Frankie the J was recalled for some minor alterations to his weapon's system. Frankie, the "J" is short for...
Read full storyRush Limbaugh experiences 'heart' attack - Cardiologists shocked
HONOLULU - Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was rushed to hospital after he complained of pains resembling a heart attack. The big old potato-head was holidaying in this Hawaiian resort when the incident is said to have occurred. A guest...
Read full storyFather of Underwear Bomber arrested - alleged 'mastermind of the Nigerian banker email scam'
Alhaji Umaru Mutallab, Nigerian banking magnate and father of the failed Underwear Bomber, has been placed under arrest after investigations revealed he is the mastermind behind the Nigerian Letter email banking scam. A source at the US embassy in...
Read full storyForget Groundhog Day, January 2nd Officially Designated Beaver Day!
Those holiday partiers who think that they have to wait for Febraury 2nd (Groundhog Day) for the next official holiday have been given a reprieve. January 2nd has just been recognized by Congress as Beaver Day. Women wishing to observe the festiv...
Read full storyHospitalized Rush Limbaugh Assaulted By Patient In The Next Bed
HONOLULU - Radio political talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who was admitted into Honolulu's Good Sisters of The Coconut Hospital due to a vocal cord infection, was reportedly punched and kicked by the patient in the next bed. Details are still somew...
Read full storyFour Whorsemen of the Acropolis stalk IMF for a handout
Athens - (Revelations): Conquest, war, famine, and death are all predicted for 2010 as the Greek government teeters on the verge of bankruptcy. Prime Monster Papandreou has been recalled from Yuletide retreat after Standard & Poor renamed itse...
Read full storyMen with Beards Banned from looking at Babies
Beards. The mere mention of the word sends shivers down the tender spines of every human baby from Albania to Zimbabwe. The sheer terror with which facial hair creates in the minds and souls of little babies cannot be fathomed - unless you are a b...
Read full story'Noddy and Big Ears visit The White House' by Adenoid Frighten
It was a warm summer's day in Toytown, and Big Ears was bored having nothing to do when his friend Noddy suddenly turned up. 'Hello, Big Ears', Noddy said, 'what are you doing?' 'Nothing', Big Ears replied. 'Why don't we go to The White House?', Noddy suggested, and soon the two were at the door of that little house on the prairie. Noddy was about to knock on that door when it was opened by the...
Read full storyState of emergency declared by City of Denver as bomb doesn't go off
There was widespread panic today in the city of Denver, Colorado, after a bomb nearly went off on a jet plane, but didn't. Thousands of its citizens were in a state of shock, many requiring medical treatment for what officials termed 'the worst case...
Read full storyTimely Bowling Scandal Diverts Negative Attention from Tiger Woods
CHEYENNE, WY - Still recovering from the Tiger Woods scandal, the sports world finds itself mired in yet another public spectacle. Three-time PBA tour champion Slim "Fats" Fettwanst is suing Lurlene Jenks, owner of the "Preemptive Strikes" 32-lane...
Read full storyTablet for Both Male Oral Contraception and Erectile Dysfunction Has New Marketing Strategy
Pharmaceutical Company Squid Technologies has developed a new pill that is both an oral male contraceptive and an erectile dysfunction drug. Response in the last forty-eight hours has been so tremendous and resounding that several new ways to ma...
Read full storySydney Harbour Bridge Declared Unsafe After New Year Fireworks
After yet another world beating New Year's firework display, with a blue theme, to reflect the blue skies and blue water of Australia, Sydney Harbour Bridge, that iconic symbol of Australia was today declared unsafe. "Some bloody drongo boffin ove...
Read full storyColonel Juan Is Now Captain Juan After Naked Hot Tub Party With Enlisted Men
After his experiences with three naked enlisted soldiers in a public hot tub, Colonel Juan was busted in rank. The new Captain Juan was also reassigned from his position at the United Nations Offices in Geneva to a base in his banana republic countr...
Read full storyNew World Order Guy gets Drunk & Rants & Raves
At a New Year party in New York Rick Rockefeller thought to be a member of the Illuminatti or New World Order got really drunk and sung in front of the revellers If I ruled The World But it did not stop there. Rockefeller in a drunken ouburst pro...
Read full storyArizona Hunters Lost in Wilderness Searching for John McCain's House
A massive search is underway for 25 to 30 hunters stranded in sub-freezing conditions somewhere in the northern Arizona wilderness. Rescue teams from the Coconino County Sheriff's Department and other agencies have canvassed the region in hopes of...
Read full storyReported Rise in Autism Coincides with Rise in Autism Treatment Drugs
According to figures released today by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), autism disorders have increased 57 percent over the last four years. The CDC's estimate of autism prevalence, which was obtained from analyzing child asse...
Read full storyIsrael Wants Movie Critic Gene Shalit Freed, But Not at Any Price
Israel said on Tuesday it was not prepared to agree to all of Hamas's demands in a German-mediated deal to exchange Shalit for hundreds of Palestinian prisoners. A Hamas official said a German mediator had arrived in the Gaza Strip to convey Isra...
Read full storyAlan Jackson's Problem with World Geography Spurs Reform in Georgia Schools
In a report issued by the Institute of Southern Studies, teachers in the South have become the largest casualties of the recession. According to researchers, the study "finds that many schools, especially in the South, are slashing school budgets - a...
Read full storyBrittany Murphy Had Several Sex Tapes in the Works
LOS ANGELES, CA -- Brittany Murphy was a hardworking actress who was juggling multiple movie projects in the months leading up to her unexpected death, according to insiders. "This is truly a loss," lamented Norgay Pfifflebother, an expert on home...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Punched In The Face By War Veteran
Reports are surfacing that a disgruntled West (By God) Virginia resident, the renowned war veteran and feeble humourist Frankie the J punched Twilight star Rob Pattinson in the face when the teen idol visited a West (By God) Virginia hospital on a go...
Read full storyHospital Refuses To Treat Sick Patient Due To Harrassment of Nursing Staff
A Veteran's Hospital in Sheepdip, West (By God) Virginia has evicted a patient and refused him medical treatment, even though the man is a highly decorated war veteran. Tha patient in question, Franklin J. Fistums, was said to have systematically al...
Read full storyFootball Coach Fired for Refusing to Let Tight End Come Out of Closet!
Division 6 College Football Coach of the Year, Elmer 'Stuff 'em ' McFlintlock, who took the 'Red Peckers' to a state championship, and a pending TV bowl game, was fired today due to allegations he had unlawfully imprisoned a scholarship player who re...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen & Wife Want Reconciliation, After Fight Over Miley Cyrus
After Charlie Sheen's wife, Brooke Mueller Sheen, called police & told them that Sheen had held a knife to her throat and the police took the actor in, they now both apparently want a reconciliation. "Charlie was just having a bad night", Broo...
Read full storyKerry Downsizes!
Kerry Katona the former pop star that recently brought Iceland to its kness and ruined it's economy has been forced to downsize. She has moved herself, her mother and umpteen children into a small flat over the "Wun Hung Lo" Cantonese takeaway on...
Read full storyDavid Cameron seeing in the New Year in Cranford!
Conservative Leader David Cameron will be spending New Year in Cranford this year. Cranford is actually where Mr.Cameron has ordered all Conservative MP's have their second homes after the next election. Many resting actors famously reside in C...
Read full storySpoof writer, Skoob1999 becomes official spokesman for eCumonme.jiz
BUTTCHEEKS, AK (ABSNN) -- The AllBullShitNewsNetwork has learned that beloved British Spoof Writer, Skoob1999, The Man With the World's Smallest Penis, will become the offical spokesman for the cybersex hook-up website eCumonme.jiz at the stroke of m...
Read full storyDear Jane, I have a problem ...
Dear Jane, I have a problem, and wondered if you could help me. I can't stop writing articles about teenage and pre-teenage obsessions about celebrities and people's bodies, until I've managed to fill up a website for writers of satire with those articles. Week after week it's the same old Katie Price/porn/parts of the body/Dross Factor adolescent drivel, until every section of that site is...
Read full storyMovies in pipeline Of Little Known Superhero, Tampon Man
Of course, everyone has heard of Spiderman, The Incredible Hulk and Iron Man but how many would pay to go see Tampon Man? That's the question upmost in the minds of executives after purchasing the rights to do movies and products from Superfluous...
Read full storyObama Already Looking For 2012 Slogan!
"Yes, We Still Can!", "Still Kicking Ass!" and "Keep The Faith, Try Smiling!" are all being considered by President Obama for his next campaign. And why not, as this president is great with words but small on actions. A man of words needs to pick jus...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: Robert Pattinson Can Kiss, Or Bite, My Ass!
After Robert Pattison has been seen recently with another Twilight star, Ashley Greene, Kristen Stewart reportedly stated that Pattinson could kiss her ass. "Better yet, he can bite it." In response to the report, Pattinson was said to have sta...
Read full story"It's The BOOBS Stupid!" Topless Oasis Bar & Grill Reopens to Resounding Success!
The third time appears to be the lucky charm for the Oasis Bar & Grill as it rises like the Phoenix after two failed attempts to become a the Premier Hang Out for the Rich, Not So Rich, the Verbose, and even one who writes only 3 words. This...
Read full story'Snowspotting' by Irving Wailsh
As darkness fell on the Edinburgh port of Leith, Begbie wondered why he had a name no-one has ever heard of in Scotland's capital city, and went along to his friend the Mother Superior's flat near Summer Road. 'Oi, Mother Superior!', he shouted up at that heroin dealer's window, 'git yer arse out of bed, ya lazy shite, I need some kit!' But there was no answer, and all of sudden Begbie saw a snowf...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen on Santa's Naughty List
Charlie Sheen has been added to Santa's naughty list joining Tiger Woods. Santa said "Anyone who is bad on Christmas day will go on the naughty list,Sheen is a wife beater and will remain indefinately on the naughty list" Sheen star of the comedy...
Read full storyDr Who disappears into 8 minute black hole
Soon-to-be-exterminated Dr Who - the actor David Tennant - caused a panic among his fans yesterday when he was not spotted on any televsion network for more than eight minutes. Worried supporters flooded the switchboards of all the major channells...
Read full storySpoof writers divulge their New Year Resolutions, rest of the world beware!
Global Spoofwriters have been divulging their "New Years Resolutions" to the world and believe me the Spoof readership are in for some shockers! The world can't wait so here we go: Ace Spoofer Abel Rodriquez has vowed to lay off of the tequila, Obama and Mexican drug dealers but has promised to keep snorting the shit. Queen Mudder has vowed to become a Lesbian Nun, give up mud wrestling...
Read full storyBarack Obama's 10 main achievements so far
After over a year as American President, this is a list of Barack Obama's 10 main achievements so far: 1. Er ... well, let's see, he ... er, what has he done, again? Withdrew US troops from Iraq, of course! Oh, he didn't do that? Odd, could've sworn that was the main reason he was elected. 2. Hmm, making up this list is not as easy as I thought. Aha! He went to London - and was ignored compl...
Read full storyMama, Daddy, Grandma - whose baby is it anyway?
A fierce custody battle over the Palin/Johnston baby is now in full force. The mother and the grandmother are pulling on one side and the biological father is pulling for his side to gain full custody of the child. Some people will side with the Mother/Grandmother team being that the father figure is a busy man these days what with posing for photo shoots in his underwear and nuts. This bein...
Read full storyElin Woods plans for the future
While little is heard about Mrs. Woods (Elin) since all the news is about her husband, I was able to gain a private interview with her concerning her plans for the future. Mrs. Woods revealed that contrary to the many reports that she is leaving Tiger, she comments that this is the furthest thing from her mind. Her plans are that she will be staying with him to take advantage of all the mone...
Read full story2012 - it's the end of the world
Alan Houston is building a rocket in his backyard because he believes the world will end in December 2012. He has seen documentaries about planet X or the planet Niburi that is apparently heading this way according to many writers who have discovered...
Read full storyAliens visit the Kremlin
American Investigative journalist and UFO researcher Montgomery Scott has made the sensational claim that the large pyramid shaped UFO which has been seen for the last few days hovering over the Kremlin in Moscow is visitors from outer space visiting...
Read full storyPeace campaigners want a war
Peace campaigners throughout the world are calling for a war against corrupt war mongering politicians after they were furious that Barack Obama was given the noble peace prize at the same time as he announced he was sending 30,000 more American troo...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Dumps Her Wife and Finds A New Girlfriend
MIAMI - Rosie O'Donnell who broke up with her wife of five years Kelli Carpenter has found herself another rugey. Rosie's new gal pal has been identified as Tracy Kachtick-Anders, a native of Texas who just happens to be amazingly rich. Tracy say...
Read full storyJaime Foxx To Star As Tiger Woods In "Tiger Woods - The Player And His Bevy of Bitches"
HOLLYWOOD - Jaime Foxx has just been signed to portray Tiger Woods in The Candlelight Motion Picture Company's movie, Tiger Woods - The Player And His Bevy of Bitches. The film will be A Hole-In-One Production in association with Sand Trap Limited...
Read full storyA Judge In Alaska Rules That The Words "Nude" and "Naked" Cannot Be Used In The Same Sentence
NOME, Alaska - Judge Phineas F. Babbleface, of the sixth judicial court of Alaska has ruled against The Nome Daily Gazette and informed them that their writers will no longer be allowed to use the words "Nude" and "Naked" in the same sentence. Jud...
Read full storyKaty Perry Buys Russell Brand A Brand New Range Rover - But The Bloke Can't Drive
LONDON - Katy Perry has just purchased a fully loaded 2010 Kenyan Black Range Rover for her soon-to-be husband Russell Brand. Katy said that she purchased the vehicle for $100,000 on eBay and had it delivered the very next day. The state-of-the...
Read full storyNewsreader Admits She Prefers Bikini Burgers To Hot Dogs
LONDON - A newsreader, has "Outed" herself in a surprise announcement that caused thousands of male fans to say 'what da eff?' The 40-year-old graduate of London University and Christine Keeler College said in an interview with the lesbian publica...
Read full storyLassie Comes Home For 2010
It looked like being a very unhappy New Year's for the Slystone family here in Leicester, as they mourned the unfortunate disappearance of the family pet, Lassie the sheepdog, on a day trip to Skegness in September. What they didn't realise was th...
Read full storyVanessa Hudgens And Zac Efron To Spend New Year's Eve Quietly At Home
Sexy teen heart throb High School Musical couple Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron will, we have been informed, be spending the New Year quietly at home. With about 500 other people. "They're keepin' it intimate ya know?" our insider, Colin 'The Je...
Read full storyJack The Ripper - Sensational New Development
In an ironic twist of the 120 year old unsolved Jack the Ripper case, a new clue has been provided regarding the author of the 'Dear Boss' letter which first attached the nickname to the killer. And that clue comes from former tabloid editor, Kelv...
Read full storyAustralia Expels Victoria Over World Cup Bid Spat
Canberra, Australia - The Australian Government has moved to expel the state of Victoria from its National borders after its attempt to derail the country's bid to host the FIFA World Cup. Deputy Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, stated that "The res...
Read full storyThe Day the Earth Caught Fire for Tiger
It seems that Tiger Woods' indiscretions might well cost him a lot more than he first feared. DIRTY ROTTEN SCOUNDREL Despite Woods, 33, apologising for the hurt his "infidelity" had caused his wife and children, shaving giant Gillette said toda...
Read full storyBrown to sell off 'personal possessions'
The Prime Minister is preparing to sell a wide range of his personal belongings as part of his plans to tackle Britain's spiralling public debt. Gordon Brown is to deliver a speech in which he will list a selection of items to be put up for grabs...
Read full storyTop Ten Reasons Why Supermodels Should Sleep With Spoof Writers
Listed are the top ten reasons whey Supermodels should sleep with Spoof Writers * We could pay them with valuable Spoof points which can be redeemed for valuable prizes only through reclusive points billionaire Mark Lowton * Because we're really desperate (and they should do a charitable favor for the less fortunate). * Because they all say in the Playboy biographies that they like a man wi...
Read full storyPompey Whacked By Double Whammy
Pompey's woes continued last night as they were comprehensively beaten 4-1 by freewheeling Arsenal, with goals from Eduardo, Nasri, Ramsey, and Song. Belhadj scored the home team's single riposte. Portsmouth, languishing at the bottom of the Premi...
Read full story'Blue Moon' on New Year's Eve confirms Mayan apocalypse of planetary doom
On the last day of 2009, an auspicious day by any reckoning, a 'blue moon' will appear in the skies surrounding the entire planet of Earth. 'Numerologists have been warning about this planetary convergence for centuries', said Judith Cousins, a ps...
Read full storyTyra Banks is closing down her show
Tyra Banks is closing down her show and she plans on looking for a new venture in life. Banks complains that she has been getting too many letters of complaints from angry white mothers across the nation. The letters complain about Banks show...
Read full storyCereal Killer Murders Trix Rabbit
Silly rabbit! If you hadn't been in the alley behind the supermarket sneaking a box of Trix (they're for kids!), you might not have been murdered by a cereal killer! The crime, the third this month, was the first to take place in an open area out...
Read full storyObama Reconsiders, Promises Osama bin Laden "Motor City Mayhem"
DETROIT, Michigan - With Detroit continuing to reel from job losses in the U.S. auto industry, President Obama decided to cut his losses and announced today that he is "finally giving up on Motor City," effectively signing its death warrant and decla...
Read full storyPrince Charles at it again
British Blab reports that Prince Charles has been secretly meeting with Susan Boyle and not just to listen to her sing either! The dashing prince is not a stranger to extra martial affairs and would not worry if present wife Camilla found out abo...
Read full storyCannibal in Juarez Says He Was Not Killing Women, He Was Just Eating Mexican Food
A cannibal captured by the Chihuahua state police in Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua, Mexico says that he should not be charged with murder as he was "just eating a little Mexican food." The alleged diner, named Mbabaloo Mbabababaa from West Africa, was in...
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