Sandringham, Norfolk - (RIP Mess): Instructions in her Last Will & Testicle stipulate her legal next of kin must inter her ashes next to those of her father Adolf Hitler in the Vatican mausoleum.
The 1950 draft, witnessed and signed by General Augusto Pinochet and former Soviet despot Nikita Khrushchev, leaves everything to her husband Joseph Ratzinger.
That's everything except the royal palaces/residences (never hers in the first place), the racewhorses and royal stud (ditto), the royal art and stamp collections (ditto), the bling/royal estates/Bank of England Nominees accounts (ditto again) and associated sovereign holdings.
That just leaves the Bolivian cocaine dealerships, three Taleban opium smuggling contracts, fifty Nigerian smack mules, an Al-Qaeda company car and the contents of the corgis' litter trays.
Her elder daughter Susan Boyle gets five grand for a face lift and a second hand forklift truck to winch her to the plastic surgeon's.
"Everyone else can just jolly well FARCX orf!"