Tiger Woods Receives Two Awards: Top Athlete of The Decade and Top Stud of The Century
SAN FRANCISCO - Tigers Woods was in town at The Bull Palace Convention Center to receive the coveted "Athlete of The Decade Award." He told the assembled crowd that he was thrilled and honored to receive such a prestigious award. He said that he w...
Read full storyAliens dump Woods
Chuggalug Heights, Montana - Today, startled witnesses saw a UFO land in downtown Chuggalug Heights and unceremoniously dump a naked Tiger Woods in the intersection. Woods reportedly started banging on the door of the craft demanding to be let back...
Read full storyMartha Stewart Claims 'Tiger and I were just friends'
Perverted Press- Tali Wakker, a close friend of Martha Stewart reports that Stewart has a shrine to Tiger Woods in a closet off of her bedroom. When confronted with this allegation, Stewart admitted that there was a room where she kept a few Tiger...
Read full storyPlease, Somebody Kill Me!
In October in Orange County, Calif., Charlie "Mac" Johnson, who had just been convicted of murder as a hit man for a white supremacist gang, begged the judge and jury, in all sincerity, to sentence him to death. Why are more and more prisoners in...
Read full storyNick Jonas Nude Water Slide Before Hundreds Of Park Visitors
Nick Jonas had a brand new experience that most people have never had, he slid down a water slide in a southern Florida Park Monday as people, especially young ladies, wished they had had their cameras or cell phones somewhere on their bathing suits.
Read full storyWas Tiger Woods Wreck A Suicide Attempt?
After Tiger Woods doctor being taken into custody in Canada earlier and now the possibility that the Feds may be looking into legal action after hearing that a prostitute was flown to the Tiger by a sponsor, some are beginning to wonder about the acc...
Read full storyObama To Join WWE
Today Vince McMahon leaked the startling news that President Obama is going to join the WWE as the Prez. He is headlining with Undertaker during the Holiday WWE Special. "I always thought it would be cool to run around in spandex and call people n...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Does A Poo In Her Knickers During Interview
Pop princess, and famed mentor of X Factor winner Joe McElderry found herself in a little pickle yesterday morning. Or perhaps more of a 'poo-ckle'? Cole was being interviewed alongside McElderry on London's LBC 97.3 Radio. Interviewer James O'Bri...
Read full storyPaul Gascoigne To Be Euthanased - Relief For All
Troubled ex-footballer and fucking waste of space, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne will later tonight put down humanely at the request of society as a whole. An online survey confirmed that most UK citizen with a reasonable IQ believed he was: * A d...
Read full story'Two Thousand and Ten' by Eric Blair
'2010 was the year that it all happened. The Party had never been more firmly in control of Airstrip One, thought Winston Smith, as he arrived at his office at the Ministry of Lies, and settled down at his work writing articles for The Daily Wail. Reaching for his dictionary to check how to spell 'US' and 'win a war', he gazed absently out of the window as another rocket bomb exploded near Wapp...
Read full storySarah Palin Strikes Back At Schwarzenegger!
"Why is that big overgrown ass of a governor giving me grief over this?" asked former Alaskan Governor after fellow Republican Arnold Schwarzenegger accused her of being more interested in running for president than saving the planet from global warm...
Read full storyTiger in mercy dash to sex-crazed housewife in bid to prevent him becoming an endangered species.
It has been revealed that Tiger Woods has finally found an outlet for his special talents. The testosterone-laden sportsman will undertake a mercy visit to 39-year-old Santa Fe housewife Joleen Baughman, who was left suffering from chronic sexual des...
Read full storyJose Mourinho (The Great One) caught slapping a journalist not Berlusconi
Modest, Inter Milan, ex-Chelsea trainer, Jose Mourinho (the Chosen, great, mighty one) has been accused of copying an Italien moron who slapped President Berlusconi by slapping an impudent journalist who dared stand too near his team bus! Whilst b...
Read full storyAnn Coulter: It Looks Like TigerBoy Took The Golf Term "Open" Quite Literally
MANHATTAN - Political Radio and TV personality Ann Coulter was spotted shopping in Macy's Department Store for Christmas presents. She was asked by a reporter for Telemundo, the Spanish Network, about her on-going feud with fellow GOP member Megha...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Gets Surprise Birthday Gift From Boyfriend, Lautner
If you saw Saturday Night Live then you saw that host, Taylor Lautner, one of the stars of Twilight, get revenge on Kayne West who pulled an award from singer Taylor Swift earlier this year. In the scene, "Kayne" (played by a substitute) tries the...
Read full storyTiger Woods Signs A $20 Million Contract To Be A Spokesman For Viagra
QUEBEC, Canada - Tiger Woods has been recently dropped by some of his advertising sponsors due to his involvement and participation in "Golf Gate." But there is a little glimmer of sunshine overlooking the cloudy 18th hole. It seems that the Canad...
Read full storyThe Spoof Fancy Dress "Christmas Bash" a resounding success, only one slight problem, star Spoofer Skoob was left hanging over the BOG!
The annual Spoof Christmas Bash 2009 was a resounding success especially being FANCY DRESS this year. Almost all star Spoofers and many new faces turned up, also the location for the "Bash" was very special, under Jaggedone's bridge in "Old Amster...
Read full storyWilly Wanker and the Chocolate Shit Factory - Part 4
Previous Chapters: Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4 The usual crowd of nosy bastards gathers outside the gates to Willy Wanker's Chocolate Shit Factory. Amongst them stands Charlie and Grandpa Joe, both dressed in their best clothes - which coincidentally are exactly the same clothes as they always wear (they are poor, after all). "Oh, this is so exciting, Grandpa Joe", grins Charlie. "...
Read full storyLatex stock prices soar
Stock prices in the latex industry unexpectedly soared today when it was announced that Tiger Woods has instituted a new personal "safe sex" policy. Despite his recent fall-outs with Gillette and Accenture, it's rumored that the troubled world...
Read full storyMore Bad Economic News as Elin Woods Departs for Sweden Taking 25% of Nation's GNP With Her!
Secretary of State Tim Geithner announced more bad news for the sagging U.S. economy as he announced Tiger Woods' wife, Elin, was moving back to Sweden and taking 25% of the nation's Gross National Product with her! The now independently wealthy e...
Read full storyGordon Brown in Alleged XXX Scandal
This afternoon, Prime Minister Gordon Brown was entangled in a barbed-wire bush of controversy. Moments after leaving the Houses of Parliament, Mr Brown - who had unusually refused a lift home, was seen 'touting for business' on Westminster Heath...
Read full storyHorror: Man Caught Humming Gary Glitter Song
An Oxfordshire man in his thirties has been unexpectedly caught humming a Gary Glitter tune. The incident occurred at around 8:30 this morning as he was travelling to work in his motor car. Edward Leighton, 36, was driving along the A40 towards...
Read full storyStreet orgy in Copenhagen - police mistakenly deploy aphrodisiac gas
DENMARK - Violent street protests unexpectedly turned into an outdoor love-fest, when police launched what they thought were tear-gas canisters into the unruly mobs. Because of a mix-up in inventory, the canisters spewed aphrodisiac gas instead.
Read full storyElin and Josefin Nordegren 2001 naked holographic pop-up advent calendar blamed for Tiger marriage woes
Orlando, Fla - (Bare-Assed Cheek): A 2001 holographic pop-up advent calendar featuring partially clad Elin Nordegren and her stunning identical twin sister Josefin has been blamed as the root of Tiger Woods' marriage woes. The beautiful blonde blu...
Read full storyIsrael develops 'Kosher bomb' to counter Iranian threat
Israeli defense officials have revealed the development of a 'Kosher bomb' which might be deployed in the event that Iran launches a missile attack against the Jewish homeland. Iran has promised to 'wipe Israel off the map' as soon as feasible.
Read full storyMobile phones prevent brain cancer
Concerns about whether mobile phones cause brain cancer have resulted in an unexpected boon for mobile phone companies. Intense interest by researchers in proving a link between the phones and brain lesions have, indeed found such a link -- the phone...
Read full storyCopenhagen 'climate zombies' sign international treaty
DENMARK - After downtown Copenhagen was evacuated amid the onslaught of 'climate zombies', the zombies launched an assault on the building holding the international delegates and convened their own climate conference. Initially, it was hoped that...
Read full storyLocal Man In 50" Plasma Screen TV Controversy
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today expressed his outrage at having to shell out £1227.91 for a big eff off 50" plasma screen TV from Comet. Shuttlecock argued that it wouldn't make his beloved Manchester United play any better, and would only ser...
Read full storyTiger Woods waxwork statue collapses in flames
London - (What-the-Blazes?): London's Madam Two-Swords waxwork museum was evacuated today after golfing pants on the Tiger Woods exhibit suddenly burst into flames. Firemen fought for nearly an hour trying to douse the blaze which seems to have s...
Read full storyJoe McElderry - The Backlash Begins
It appears that the great British public are up for yet another fight, this time against Simon Cowell. An internet inspired backlash against the master chart manipulator has led to thousands of net users downloading Rage Against The Machine's track i...
Read full storyPaul Gascoigne Arrested For Being A Piss-Head
Former England football star Paul Gascoigne was this morning arrested for being drunk and disorderly. He was found wandering the streets of Newcastle naked by police officers, who had been tipped off about 'a drunk naked man' who had been annoyin...
Read full storyElin Nordegren And Alan Titchmarsh - The Sordid Truth
Your roving reporter was rudely awoken this morning at 11:15 am, whilst attempting to sleep off a skin-full by a phone call. A raspy hissing voice told me that there was a story that I couldn't afford to miss out on. Intrigued, I wrote down the di...
Read full storyClimate Protesters Gassed - But More Action Planned
The Copenhagen Conference continues amidst controversy about so-called 'heavy-handed' policing. Hundreds of unwashed protesters were left crying like babies when bored policemen decided to gas them. Future plans of the police, however, appear to b...
Read full storyPostal Service Warns Presidential Threats Must Be Mailed By Tomorrow For Guaranteed Christmas Delivery
The United States Postal Service Warned today Dec 16th, that threats to the President must be posted no later than Friday, December 18th to reach the White House in time for Christmas. President Obama is already receiving up to 9,000 per month.
Read full storyEclipse Movie Different Than Book Version
In the book, the story opens with the revelation that Seattle, Washington is being plagued by a string of unsolved murders, which Edward suspects is caused by a new vampire that is unable to control its thirst for human blood. As Edward and Bella app...
Read full storyTiger Woods Doctor Was Arrested For Carrying Growth Hormone At Canadian Border
Despite the Tiger taking off and hiding in the jungle where a pursuer could get clubbed -and not necessarily from Tiger -more and more crap seems to be coming to the surface. Now it's being reported that his Canadian doctor, Dr. Anthony Galea, was...
Read full storyNewsreaders become their own headlines
Los Angeles, California. Just in time for Christmas, an unidentified duo has kidnapped the CBS News team live on air while they were reading the evening bulletin. The kidnappers bound and gagged the newsreaders just after they had read stories updati...
Read full storyBarry George Bush cleans up in megabucks libel payout
London - (Tossers): The man who didn't kill Crimebotch presenter Jill Dando has won millions in libel compensation from a UK tabloid grope - er, group! Barry George Bush sued The Spun and Spews of The World after being branded a relative of convi...
Read full storySir Eltons John's Desperate Bid To Save Watford FC
Watford FC today declared themselves to be in state of 'fucked up' after admitting the club may soon go into administration should they not raise the funds needed to stay alive. Former club owner, and fudge-packer, Sir Elton John has declared his...
Read full storyBritish Airways - HIJACKED
(Defecated News) In a shocking move in the ongoing chess game between crew and management, London-based BA cabin staff last night hijacked one of their toy planes in the waiting area at Terminal 5. The 1/10th scale Boeing 767 model was broken into...
Read full storyShuttle Astronaut Makes Unauthorized Burger Run
Bored and restless, Astronaut Randy Bresnik snuck out of the International Space Station and returned the shuttle to earth just so that he could go to Five Guys Burgers and Fries for a midnight snack. North American Aerospace Defense Command, bet...
Read full storyTiger "Cyber Girl" Loredana Jolie Says All She Wants For Christmas Is $2 Million!
NEW YORK CITY - Loredana Jolie is the first member of Tiger Woods "Scorecard Cutey Club" who is not from the United States. The beautiful blonde is originally from Sicily. She first came to the U.S. as a young teen. Back in Italy, her family owned...
Read full storyBA prepare to hire strikebreakers
British Airways are looking for ways to avoid the planned 12 day cabin crew strike which is almost certain to occur over the Christmas period. Other groups of employees, such as pilots and engineers, are not striking. It is only the "trolley dolli...
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