Troubled ex-footballer and fucking waste of space, Paul 'Gazza' Gascoigne will later tonight put down humanely at the request of society as a whole.
An online survey confirmed that most UK citizen with a reasonable IQ believed he was:
- A danger to himself
- A danger to society
- A waste of healthcare resources
- Boring
- Pathetic
- In serious need of being put down
As a result of the survey, he was arrested at his home and dragged to the newly created Piss-head Extermination Centre
His sad life is to be terminated via lethal 'killa' tequila, and he will be accompanied by all that love him - his accountant, Chris Evans, Danny Baker and his local pub landlord.
