Copenhagen 'climate zombies' sign international treaty

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

image for Copenhagen 'climate zombies' sign international treaty
With barely legible signatures, the treaty spells doom for all CO2 emitters

DENMARK - After downtown Copenhagen was evacuated amid the onslaught of 'climate zombies', the zombies launched an assault on the building holding the international delegates and convened their own climate conference.

Initially, it was hoped that the warmth inside the building would repel the invading horde. However, a member of Al Gore's staff clipped wires to the building's thermostats, sending interior temperatures plunging.

'This is my personal statement about the importance of cooling the planet', said Janet LeFevre on camera, shortly before her head was bitten off.

After taking possession of the entire building, the climate zombies -- with at least one zombie from every nation in the world -- quickly negotiated an international treaty regulating carbon dioxide.

The treaty takes a 'zero-tolerance' approach, making all CO2 emissions illegal, and authorizes the use of United Nations peacekeeping troops to enforce the requirement. On the second infraction, a facility emitting CO2 would be demolished using guided missiles.

The treaty is set to last until the next ice age, which zombie delegates said 'should happen as soon as possible'.

Observers elsewhere worried whether the zombies' treaty would be binding.

'The initial delegates to the Climate Summit were not elected representatives', said Sid Chatworth of the South Pacific Climate Fund For Global Warming Dollars. 'The zombies weren't elected either, so it's basically the same process.'

'We do not want the world's energy regulated by a bunch of zombies', fumed Clive Gormley, of Stoking-on-Avon. 'The public won't stand for it.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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