Israel develops 'Kosher bomb' to counter Iranian threat

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

image for Israel develops 'Kosher bomb' to counter Iranian threat
High-altitude drone with its dreaded payload of pork

Israeli defense officials have revealed the development of a 'Kosher bomb' which might be deployed in the event that Iran launches a missile attack against the Jewish homeland.

Iran has promised to 'wipe Israel off the map' as soon as feasible.

'This is a variation on 'dirty bomb' technology', said Benjamin Nathan, a defense agency official. 'However, instead of spreading a radioactive cloud of nuclear isotopes, it uses high-altitude drones to disperse a fine mist of droplets which have been distilled from pork chops and bacon.'

Asked how an extract of pork chops and bacon could be considered 'Kosher', Nathan explained that Rabbis had determined it was permissible.

'It is lawful to use pork chops and bacon if it is for the defense of home and country', said Rabbi Menahan of the Orthodox sect. 'Of course, this can only be considered Kosher in the most dire of circumstances -- which we now have.'

Some doubted that this Kosher bomb would be effective, but Nathan was certain it would serve as a deterrent.

'In Islam, anything made from the flesh of a pig is considered to be haram (wrongful, forbidden). If this super-weapon were deployed against Iran, the entire country would become haram, and all those who believe in Allah would be required to drop everything and flee.'

In Iran, Ayatollah Wannabe was enraged by the news. 'Now that we know how the Kosher bomb works, we will develop our own counter-deterrent', he said. 'We will develop a 'haram-bomb' based on pork roasts and cutlets, and render Israel uninhabitable for the Jews.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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