Paris Hilton's Skull Site of Dense Black Hole - Hawking
Stephen Hawking, the amazingly brilliant Briton, who is Lucasian Professor of Mathematics at Cambridge University, author of several outstanding books, and arguably the most intelligent person on the planet, announced yesterday that he theorizes that...
Read full storyFEMA Announces Mobile Luxury Cabins For Victims of Natural Disasters
Still reeling from the incompetence dysfunction, and outright fraud which characterized its response to Hurricane Katrina, the Federal Emergency Management Administration, or FEMA, announced yesterday that they have accepted a bid from Halliburton to...
Read full storyHouse of Representatives Adopts New National Anthem
Describing the Star Spangled Banner as imperialistic, warlike, and vindictive, the new Democratically controlled House of Representatives voted to change the national anthem to the Beatles classic All You Need Is Love.
Read full storyHuffing Gasoline - New Drug of Choice for the Wealthy
Inhalant abuse among the affluent in America is reportedly soaring as the price of gasoline continues to rise to new levels. Cocaine had long been the drug of choice among those with more money than brains. That, however, is changing, as drug users...
Read full storyLarry King Joins Rock Group KISS
In a surprising move, Gene Simmons, bassist and vocalist of the heavy metal band KISS, announced that talk show legend Larry King will become the fifth member of the group. The band, which recorded its first album in 1974, has, to date, consisted of...
Read full storyPamela Anderson Gets Booed
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Cannes, France - When Pamela Anderson, now 39 years old, was booed by photographers when she showed up late for her photo session and only stayed around a few minutes to pose for a photo shoot, or at least that's what she t...
Read full storyJackson Drops Bid to Block Auction
ABN (Angel Boi's News) - Las Vegas - Michael Jackson's lawyers have dropped a bid to block an auction of a warehouse full of Jackson's belongings. It was a failed business venture that wound Jackson up in the bankruptcy court.
Read full storyMichael Jackson Drops Bid to Block Vegas Auction
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Las Vegas - Michael Jackson's lawyers dropped a bid to block an auction of a warehouse full of Jackson's belongings. It was a failed business venture that wound Jackson up in the bankruptcy court.
Read full storyAlberto Gonzales to Head World Bank
In response to mounting pressure from both sides of the political spectrum, President Bush has asked Alberto Gonzales to step down as Attorney General.
Read full storySam Allardyce To Be Honoured With Statue In Home Town Of Dudley
New Newcastle United manager Sam Allardyce is to be honoured by the Council in his Black Country home town of Dudley, with a statue of himself in the town's shoddy Market Square. The structure made, like Sam, from granite, will be reminiscent of t...
Read full story'Corrupt Bastards' is the new 'Britney's Vagina': report
Juneau, Alaska - (Ass Mess): It took the Corrupt Bastards Club to finally sweep Britney's fathomless vagina off the newsstand headlines and media mastheads following several weeks' relentless exposure of the bare-assed cheek of the US oil ser...
Read full storyPolice Chiefs Protest At 'Easy Targets'
The Police Federation has called on ministers to abandon 'arrest targets' which, they say, have forced officers into ludicrous decisions to apprehend and throw in jail, perpetrators of nothing more than every...
Read full storyDick Cheney has Evil Plan to Rule the World
Anonymous sources today warned of Vice-President Dick Cheney's evil plot to rule the world with Cheney clones. These sources claimed Cheney used oil companies' high tech labs and huge profits to create more than 10,000 Cheney clone embryos.
Read full storyKate Middleton to be sent to Iraq instead of Wills and Harry
London - (Rioters): Kate Middleton is to be sent to Iraq instead of William and Harry who have been furloughed because none of Saddam's former palaces has been refurbished to a sufficient level to accommodate their needs.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Spinoff: The 2008 Presidential Race; Bill Clinton Onboard
The American Idol producers at FremantleMedia today announced a new spinoff of their successful series, involving the 2008 Presidential race. CEO David Ellender, speaking in New York City, said that the company had secured an agreement with former Pr...
Read full storyWorld Leaders Express a Serious Interest in Running for U.S. President
Over the last twenty four hours announcements by certain world leaders' expressing an interest in entering the race for President of The United States has left pundits in shock and voters in awe. Perhaps sensing an opportunity due to voter apathy...
Read full storyCherie to get own chat show as Tony prepares to run World Bank
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Cherie Blair is to set to get her very own Faux News celebrity chat show later this year as husband Tony lines up to take over Paul Wolfowitz's top job at the International Bank for Deconstruction and Embezzlement.
Read full storyChristian aid: Cultivate A Brighter Future Campaign
'We are crying out for food. We have no energy to cultivate our land. Instead of working our fields, we are tending the sick and being sent to prison where we will be executed for merely cultivating cannabis to help make enough money to feed our village.'...
Read full storyParis Hiltons Pussy goes hungry whilst she is in custody!
LA, USA, Global ASS' Press: - Wonderful human being, celebrity role model and animal lover Paris Hilton is know for her love of small fury things but has had to put her cuddly friends behind her as she prepares t...
Read full storyPagans turn Cal Jennings Into Lizard
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Dublin - TheSpoof.com writer, Cal Jennings, ran into some trouble with the Pagan writers at TheSpoof.com for writing an article that included a quote of a Bible verse.
Read full storySatirical website trumps Nobel winner Joe Stiglitz on Blair's World Bank job
London - (Ass Mess): Speaking to the BBC today Nobel prize winner and former senior vice-president/chief economist at the World Bank Joe Stiglitz said he felt confident that Tony Blair would now be offered Paul Wolfowitz's CEO post at the World B...
Read full storyNew brass statue of Queen Mother impersonator
London - (Ass Mess): A new statue of the woman who took over the role of impersonating Queen Elizabeth, wife of King George VI after the latter two lost their lives in the September 1940 bombing of Buckingham Palace, is to be unveiled.
Read full storyParis Hilton's impersonator to serve sentence.
Hotel Heiress Paris Hilton has dropped an appeal against her jail term and is now expected to serve 23 days in the Century Regional Detention Center, Los Angeles.
Read full storyOdd Couple Shares Parting Moments
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain and President Bush stood together in the bright sunshine on Thursday for their last joint appearance in the Rose Garden. Mimosa tree blossoms were falling, a light Spring...
Read full storyRon Paul Promises to Remove the 'No' Symbol from the Constitution
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The Republic of Texas - Republican Ron Paul promises that, if elected, he will remove the "No" symbol from the Constitution that President Bush had placed there.
Read full storyAntonio Banderas Jumps for Joy Over 'Shrek' Role
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Antonio Banderas jumped from a plane 100000 feet up because he was so happy over his "Shrek" role. Antonio is the voice for the Puss in Boots character in the animated film.
Read full storyPru Goward Appeals "Driving Faster There's Less Chance of Hitting Someone."
High profile Australian politician Pru Goward has been charged with a driving offence for the second time in three months. This time being caught speeding in a school zone.
Read full storyIt's Official - Birmingham Residents Have Highest I.Q.
In a shock announcement today, after decades of being branded the thickest town in the UK, Birmingham's residents were found to have the highest I.Q. on the planet!...
Read full storyScientists to make freak animals
London: UK ministers have given the go-ahead for scientists to produce human-animal hybrids.
Read full storyParis Hilton Satisfies Lusty, Sweaty, Prison Women
Although Paris Hilton seduced a healthy number of people, estimated to be 30,000 signatures, to appeal to Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger for a pardon, it seemed to be a case of, too little too late. When questioned about the Hilton plea for leniency Schw...
Read full storyAs Wolfowitz Resigns, US Seeks To Appoint Another Poodle to World Bank
WASHINGTON (AP) - Although Paul Wolfowitz has finally resigned as World Bank president over his graft and corruption, a new battle looms as the United States seeks to replace him with another neoconservative sleazebag poodle for the institution.
Read full story"Votes for Orgasms" scandal rocks Second Life's virtual world
Anonymous sources, in a position to know, last night revealed to TheSpoof.com reporter, I. Spoof, explosive information concerning a brewing scandal involving sex, money, and politics, all in the virtual world of Second Life.
Read full storyChelsea Fans Revive Old Song To Honour Mourinho
Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho is to be honoured by Blues' fans at tomorrow's FA Cup final against Manchester United at the New Wembley stadium, with a revival of the old Stamford Bridge favourite 'One Man Went To Mow'. Mourinho, the chosen one, ha...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Outlaws Coffee
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - President George Bush just signed a new bill into effect that would outlaw coffee. "I want cocaine to be the only legal stimulent," said Bush. "We've gotta' stop all them other drugs...
Read full storyThe Old Bible to Be Replaced with TheSpoof 2.0
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - God announced that The Holy Bible is about to be replaced with TheSpoof 2.0.
Read full storyGrooming Standards Relaxed in Marine Corps
In a surprising change of policy, the United States Marine Corps, arguably the most staid and traditional of all branches of the American military services, announced today that all grooming standards are being relaxed. From now on, U.S. Marines, en...
Read full storySpongebob Makes Campaign Promise
Speaking at a political rally in his hometown of Bikini Bottom, Spongebob Squarepants, the independent candidate for presidency of the United States said, that if elected, he will never be implicated in any kind of sex scandal.
Read full storyMickey Mouse Dead of Apparent D-Con Overdose
Mickey Mouse, the beloved Disney character who charmed millions of young hearts has died, the victim of an apparent D-Con overdose.
Read full storySupreme Rules on NBA
The United States Supreme Court ruled Thursday that the National Basketball Association, long dominated by very tall men, must begin to integrate men of lesser stature.
Read full storyNew Wing of Corrupt Bastards Club Party Thrown in West Virginia
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - West Virginia - The newest branch of the Corrupt Bastards Club hosted a party today at the home of TheSpoof.com writer Cal Jennings, featuring a life-sized poster of the 4/11 attacks. The drugs for the party were furnished by...
Read full storyCredit Checks to Become Part of Admission Process in Hospitals
Just because you have health insurance, don't expect to get medical treatment at your local hospital emergency room.
Read full storyO'Donnell and Trump to Square off in Boxing Ring
Boxing promoter Don King announced yesterday in Las Vegas that he will sponsor what he calls the "Battle of the New Millenium", a heavyweight match between Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell. It will be the first event of its kind, a fig...
Read full storyWizard of Oz Remake to star Bush, Cheney, and Rice
Anathema Motion Pictures recently announced that a newly updated version of the classic movie the Wizard of Oz is set to begin filming this summer, with a release date of April 2008 anticipated.
Read full storyWorld Bank Suspends Bounce Protection for U.S.
Paul Wolfowitz, the outgoing president of the World Bank, announced today that bounce protection for the United States is being suspended immediately.
Read full storyUpper Class Restrooms
In spite of protests from many sectors alleging elitism, Proctor & Gamble, makers of Charmin toilet paper, have announced that they will go forth with a plan to open a series of not so public restrooms catering to the toileting needs of the wealthy.
Read full storyPaul Wolfowitz Steps Down Becomes World Bank Teller
Belgium - Paul Wolfowitz had to give up his presidency of the World Bank, but he is not a quitter. He has decided to work his way up by starting at the bottom, taking a job at the World Bank as a Bank teller.
Read full storyParis Hilton Drops Appeal - Found Nappy Headed Ho
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Paris Hilton dropped her appeal in favor of serving her jail sentence. Hilton even went so far as to urge supporters of her plight to sign a petition seeking a pardon by Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, but to no avail. She fin...
Read full storyWhite House Correspondant Puts Bad Spin on Ron Paul Interview
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - The "Internets" - National Review White House Correspondent, Byron York, did his level best to put a bad spin on the Ron Paul interview after the Republican debate at the University of South Carolina. He tried to mak...
Read full storyRepublican Party to ban common sense and Ron Paul from debates
WASHINGTON, D.C. - To stem the tide of support for the one Presidential candidate who makes sense, Congressman Ron Paul, several state Republican Party rulers are trying to ban common sense from the debates. By writing a rule against common sense, R...
Read full storyEx-President Bush Burns Texas A&M Science Building
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - College Station, TX - Today, upon hearing that researchers at Texas A&M University are combining statistics and chemistry to shoot holes in traditional bullet-lead analysis techniques and the accuracy of so-called "expert&...
Read full story'Humble' Brown Takes Over as Leader
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - Today, Prime minister-elect Gordon Brown said he was "truly humbled" to have been appointed Labour leader, even though Labour Party party members refused to endorse his promotion.
Read full storyBush Assails Colleges That Shun ROTC Units
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, President Bush fumed at colleges who don't have ROTC programs.
Read full storyBlair: My White House Sleep-Over in the Queen's Bedroom
Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): Tony Blair has spoken for the first time about his historic sleep-over in the White House's Queen's Bedroom where, all alone without wife Cherie, the opportunity to shag the shit out of anything moving proved al...
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