Bush Assails Colleges That Shun ROTC Units

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Friday, 18 May 2007

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Bush's first Joint NOTC Commissioning Ceremony

CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Today, President Bush fumed at colleges who don't have ROTC programs.

He said, "To the cadets and midshipmen who are graduating from a college or university that believes ROTC is not worthy of a place on campus, here is my message: Your university may not honor your military service, but the United States of America does. America needs more military training at colleges so they'll be ready to fight any war I decide to declare!"

Quoting from President Bush's transcript,

"We gather at a solemn moment for this country. Many of you were still in high school when terrorists brought death and destruction to our streets on September the 11th, 2001. You were high school students. And yet, some of you understood that the cause of freedom would soon depend on your generation's willingness to step forward to defend it. And when it came time to be counted, each of you volunteered, knowing full well the risks involved during a time of war. As your Commander guy-in-Chief, I salute your decision to serve, and I congratulate you on a fine achievement.

President Bush urged those at his speech to forget that September 11th was over 6 years ago and that the terrorists only attacked once. "It's FEAR we need to strike into the hearts of all true Americans. How else do you expect my party to succeed?"

President Bush is introducing legislation to require any college that receives federal money to institute his new program, the NOTC (Nazi Officer's Training Corps).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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