London - (Rioters): Kate Middleton is to be sent to Iraq instead of William and Harry who have been furloughed because none of Saddam's former palaces has been refurbished to a sufficient level to accommodate their needs.
Middleton will join the Third Battalion of the Black Watch Beetle and will be stationed in Basra as a 'comfort woman'.
Her main duties will be entertaining the troops, darning their socks and baking cakes.
"All other arrangements will be strictly her own business," said a camp commander in charge of troops' leisure activities.
As a British national Kate will have to be careful she does not overstep the mark and start comforting any American troops.
"That could be tricky of course. Some of these American johnnies are a lot different to our lads. The might try sweet talking her into a compromising position.
"But we feel Kate's made of sterner stuff than that and have given her a regimental-issue riding crop to bring home the point if it ever arises."
Prince William is 24.