Corrupt Bastards Win in Legislation

Funny story written by Cal Jennings

Friday, 18 May 2007

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Corrupt Bastards Marching on Juneau

NAZIUSA - Juneau, AK - The Corrupt Bastards Club scored two victories in the courts today when they killed two bills in committee despite evidence of popularity among legislators.

Anchorage Daily News reported:

    A bill that would have prevented oil companies such as BP from deducting the costs of pipe repairs caused by "improper maintenance" had passed the Senate unanimously and had 21 of 40 House members as co-sponsors. But it arrived late in the key House Finance Committee and Republican leaders wouldn't move it to the floor for a vote.

    The industry called the bill unfair and unworkable. It remains alive for next year. Republican leaders also suggested it might make sense to discuss the deduction as part of a future review of the Petroleum Production Tax, or PPT, adopted by last year's Legislature.

When the bills supporters complained that another year's delay could make it hard to apply the law retroactively to repairs stemming from BP's spills from corroded pipelines last year on the North Slope, an industry spokesperson said, "We have to subsidize poor maintenance practices. How else do you expect us to make exorbitant profits?"

The other bill that failed was to provide funds for the "longevity bonus" once paid to seniors and apparently killed a welfare program for low-income seniors that was created to replace the bonus in 2003. Republicans, all of whom belong to The Corrupt Bastards Club, wouldn't yield at the end to allow a vote on the low-income senior plan, saying, "Why should we worry about the damn poor seniors? They don't provide funds to our campaigns and causes."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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