Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): Tony Blair has spoken for the first time about his historic sleep-over in the White House's Queen's Bedroom where, all alone without wife Cherie, the opportunity to shag the shit out of anything moving proved all too irresistible for the has-been Whore on Terra partner in crime.
"I am immensely conscious of the honor. Not since Winston Churchill in '44 has a British Prime Minister slept in this hysteric bed.
"Shoulder to shoulder. Man to man.
"They'd changed the sheets of course. And the rubbers in the bedside cabinet looked new.
"But when you're visiting George you just don't ask 'Have you had the shots?' or 'Your Dick or mine?'
"Of course I knew I could end up being blackmailed. The secret service would have wired the room.
"But this is all part of the Special Relationship. And my souvenir dressing gown cum towelling bathrobe says 'Tony Blair, Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, May 2007' in big embroidered pink letters.
"The matching face flannel and accessorised sponge-bag have a monogrammed crest saying 'A Gift From President and Mrs George W Bush' emblazoned in gold.
"One day that souvenir will be utterly priceless. Antiques Roadshow and British Museum.
"And the headed notepaper also has my name on, specially printed to mark the visit.
"Of course I'll miss George and our pow-wows on the hotline. And I know he feels exactly the same.
"But there isn't even an internet link in HMP Belmarsh. Maybe they'll give me a phonecard instead.
"I've stood shoulder to shoulder, man to man and together we made some terrific decisions.
"Saying goodbye from my job at Number Ten was not the best one. In fact, it wasn't my decision at all.
"But George ssaid 'Hey, pardner, it's all for the best' as he shook my hand and waved goodbye.
"Just one last time I let myself look. A little wave as they sped me away.
"Tomorrow I'll be fine and a new dawn will break.
"I just hope in hell he'll still remember my name."