Prince William signs up to Faecesbook
Bovington Barracks Obama - (Ass Mess): The eldest son of the Pretender to the Throne has signed up for membership of the Faecesbook site which promotes networking for little shits who can't get a life without self-publicity.
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Eddie Murphy To Star In Fantasy Island Remake
Eddie Murphy is getting ready to tell guests "Welcome to Fantasy Island" in a big screen adaptation of the 70's and 80's television series. As in his films "Coming to America" and "The Nutty Professor," the come...
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Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, Paris Hilton Sue Website TheSpoof.com
LOS ANGELES CITY HALL, CALIFORNIA (LAWYER'S JOURNAL) -- Britney Spears & Paris Hilton taking the lead in a multi-million dollar class-action lawsuit brought against high satire website, T...
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Missing Ming
A spokesperson from Scotland Yard today confirmed the Liberal Democrats have filed a missing persons report for it's leader Ming Campbell, and was forced to admit in a broadcasted appeal that 'we actually have no knowledge of his most recent...
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Double Homicide on Tatooine
TATOOINE (Galactic Press) -- Residents of the remote Outer Rim desert world Tatooine were stunned today by news of a double homicide in the quiet moisture-farming community south of Anchorhead. Imperial police reported that Owen Lars, 57, and wife...
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NBC to Remake The Bionic Woman
Jamie Sommers will once again run in slow motion across American television screens. NBC had announced that a new version of "The Bionic Woman" will be in their fall line-up.
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The Empress is jinxed
Juneau - (Ass Mess): The latest disaster to strike Majestic America's paddlewheel cruiser Empress of the North which is close to capsizing off Juneau's icy waters today has been dubbed a fearsome hex by ex-crew members who have refused to sai...
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Bush Administration Refuses Federal Money to Rescue Alaskan Cruise Ship
President Bush had insisted that no Federal agents assist in the rescue of the cruise ship that ran aground near Juneau, Alaska. Also, he has said that no federal property or equipment will be used to repair the ship or assist the crew or passengers...
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A Dead Calf a Day Helps You Work Rest and Play
Masterfoods today confirmed that it will adding mashed up dead baby calf in all of its most popular chocolate bars including Mars, Twix and Milky Way.
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Bong Hits 4 Weyhrauch! as Empress capsizes
Alaska - (Ass Mess): Former Alaskan state legislator Bruce Weyhrauch is being blamed today by fellow members of the Corrupt Bastards Club for setting in motion a bizarre chain of natural and unnatural events that began when he fell of his boat last...
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Lindsay Lohan Rages on Arianna Huffington, not Paris Hilton
(Los Angeles--CA) Linsday Lohan will be turning 21 this year, and the former "teen queen" wants everyone to know that as an adult she plans on doing more than visiting LA clubs and drinking, most of the time. It seems the child star is an a...
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"EyeBrow Club For Men" Founder Also a Member
Pueblo, Colorado - "Eyebrow Club For Men" founder Keith Jenkins today announced that he is not only the owner of the lucrative eyebrow hair restoration company, but uses the product himself. A sparkly jenkins posed for cameras today with h...
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Donald Trump Gets to Be a Grandparent
Donald Trump is happy to slip into his new roll as a Grandpa. This weekend, his son and daughter in law presented him with his first grandchild in New York City.
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Jesus Christ Returns to Earth; Endorses Ron Paul
In an unprecedented move that has left the entire globe stunned, Jesus Christ returned Sunday, May 13th at 8pm Central time. Floating down to Earth over Texas amidst rolls of thunder and descending from suddenly gathered clouds the Savior walked up...
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Euro-disaster as Scootch make an arse of it
Scooch, the British entry into this-years Eurovision Song Contest flew back into Heathrow yesterday evening to scenes of hysteria. People cheered "You're crap!" and "Tossers!"...
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Cruise Ship Runs Aground in Alaska
A cruise ship has struck a submerged rock and run aground near Juneau, Alaska. All passengers have been safely evacuated and no crew or passengers were injured in the accident. The ship's captain said that he purposefully grounded his ship to k...
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George Tenet Dunks And Slams Cheney, Condoleezza
Washington Toast - George Tenet, former director of the Central Intelligence Agency, recently received a four million dollar book advance for writing about his contribution to the 9/11 tragedy and the ginning up to the war in Iraq, absolving himself...
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Student Sues Over Brokeback Mountain School Showing
A Midwestern family has sued their local school and school district over their child being exposed to the film "Brokeback Mountain" in school. The girl, a sixth grader, and her class were shown the film behind closed doors by a substitute teacher.
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Nudist Find Members Aging, Recruiting Sagging
A large, American nudist organization is desparate for new blood and more members. The American Association for Naked Recreation is growing older, with a median age of 55, and needs to recruit a younger membership before the organization dies out.
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Man Gets Beer Penis
Hold the Mayo Clinic Minnesota - Alexander Solhoholstien has been suffering from Sexual Dysfunction because of the size of his penis it is very small. It is almost impossible to tell whether it is erect or flaccid, and this results in a rather humili...
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Brett Favre Demands Green Bay Packers Trade Him
Brett Favre had demanded that he be traded by the Green Bay Packers. The desire comes from the team not making a deal to bring controversial wide receiver Randy Moss to the Wisconson city. "Since the team isn't trying to get newer, better...
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Daimler Chrysler to Be Purchased By Cerberus
Diamler Chrysler has announced that 80% of the money losing company will be purchased by Cerberus. This move is being made in an attempt to keep one of the world's largest auto makers solvent.
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Ballack and Kahn - German Footballers are Dildos
German footballers Micheal Ballack and Oliver Kahn were today celebrating after being awarded 50.000 eauros each over claims that they resemble large dildo's.
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Chris Tarrant arrested over chapatti incident
Nottingham - (Ass Mess): TV presenter Chris Tarrant spent the night in a Nottingham slammer after being arrested in an Indian restaurant following a chapatti-slinging incident and refusing to pay the bill.
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U.S Forces in Iraq Encounter Elite 'Special Rear Guard'
Bakkhavda, Iraq - U.S and coalition forces today in the metropolitan, industrial city of Bakkhavda encountered stiff opposition from the remnants of Saddam Hussein's vaunted "Special Rear Guard". "They halted our main thrust, and the battle...
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Beware 'spoilers' warns Rowling as cops move to end her reign of terror
London - (Ass Mess): Speaking to reporters today about her seventh serrial attempt to pass off the Harry Potter books as her very own work JK Rowling hit back at press reports that the Metropolitan Police is finally about to make its move and throw t...
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Wigan Chairman 'too busy laughing' to care about Tevez row!!
Wigan Chairman Dave Whelan was unavailable for comment after his sides miraculous victory at Sheffield United. Whelan, 82, was said to have gone number blind & delirious due to counting the £40 Million that Sheff Utd had lost due to not being able to...
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Bob Barker's Dirty Little Secret
BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA (HOLLYWOOD XPOSED) - "I peeked in the window and I can see about ten or twelve of them all having sex in the room. I just couldn't believe what I was seeing. I was scared and shocke...
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Larry David's Career in Slump After Hair Transplant!
Hollywood California - In an attempt to reinvent himself Famed Creator of Seinfeld And Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David Received a full head of Golden Curls Courtesy of the Hair Club For Men.
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Bin Laden Alive! Had to Move from Crawford Ranch
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Bin Laden was evicted from his hideout at the Crawford Ranch because President Bush fears that Tony Blair will become jealous when Bush and Blair marry. President Bush isn't taking any chances with his new love.
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Naked Wonman Falls in Wet Concrete
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Greece - A naked woman fell from a 2nd story window into a strip of concrete that was being poured for a new sidewalk.
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Mars Bars no loner safe for vegetarian oral sex says Marianne Faithfull
London - (Ass Mess): Marianne Faithfull has told an anal general meeting of the vegetarian society that mars bars are no longer safe for oral sex.
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Manchester United's Alex Ferguson To Retire Early After FA Cup Final
Sir Alice Ferguson, the Manchester United manager, has dropped an untimely Old Trafford bombshell only days before the FA Cup Final with Chelsea, by announcing that he will retire early
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