The bus taking the England team to the match against Bulgaria on Friday was three months overdue. The driver explained that he was having his tea break.
'You don't realise that if you don't have a decent break between journeys it can put all the passengers at risk' he explained 'did you want the England squad to be killed?'
The temptation to say 'Yes' was muffled as it had to be faced that England had actually won a match quite convincingly.
Fabio Capello told me that I should stop moaning now. 'It was not our fault that the bus which should have taken us to the World Cup was late by three months. I did everything I could to persuade the driver to get his finger out but he insisted the lives of the team would be at peril if he didn't have a reasonable break. I thought three months a little unreasonable but you can't argue with experts.'
'We've got Heart in the team now' said a beaming Mickey Rooney who had returned to form. Daniel Defoe has been offered an island all his own by the F.A. for his Hat Trick. No one has worked out why he hadn't had the chance to demonstrate his magic sufficiently at the World Cup.
So a new era for English football has kicked off. Today Bulgaria tomorrow Switzerland. That is if the driver's cuckoo clock wakes him up in time to get the England team to the match for the kick off.