George Bush Almost Finished Drawing His Autobiography

Funny story written by manbrad

Saturday, 4 September 2010

George W. Bush has almost finished drawing his autobiography, says Bush's publisher Marvel Comics. The comic book producer landed the coveted book contract with the former president shortly after he left office in January, 2009. Marvel said Bush chose the "graphic" format for his life story because it was the format he was most comfortable with as a reader. Reached for comment Bush said simply, "I like the funnies."

Bush's plan to bring his story to life in pictures is a bold departure from accepted standards of historiography and autobiography just as his presidency was a bold departure from the democratic traditions of the United States. The man who once commanded the most fearsome military machine the world has ever seen will sketch his story out in pencil. "That way, if I make a mistake I can erase it and fix it. The publisher guy (Marvel Comics Editor-in-Chief Joe Quesada) said he'd have someone else color it in even though I said I can color real good and stay in the lines."

Bush has thoroughly enjoyed drawing himself heroically serving his country as a National Guardsman, getting his MBA at Harvard and being part owner of the Texas Rangers baseball team. But he said it was harder to tell the story of his presidency because there was "a lot of talking and meetings and stuff. No one wants to look at pictures of people sitting around a table just talking about boring stuff. And the speech balloons and thought clouds end up taking up like half the frame."

Some parts the former leader of the free world really enjoyed drawing. "I really liked drawing that war stuff. I got to draw explosions and bad guys getting blown up and me yelling orders and stuff. POW! KA-BOOM! DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DA-DAT! I also liked drawing all the vacations I took. I liked riding my bike. Wanna see how good I can ride my bike?"

Regrettably, Bush had to leave things out. "I wanted to do a chapter about one of the most important things of my presidency. It happened only a little while after I started being president. Dale Earnhardt, my most favorite NASCAR guy, died like three weeks after I was inaugulated (sic)! But the publisher guy said people didn't want to read about that. I guess because it was so sad. I really liked Dale. He used to drive his car like this: VROOM! VROOM!" said Bush excitedly as he pretended he was steering a race car.

Bush said he is in negotiations to turn his graphic autobiography into a Saturday morning cartoon show and then maybe a movie "like they did with 'Ironman!' They can have all these cool special effects like they did when I pretended I landed that plane on that boat!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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