Kara DioGuardi Says She Is Resigning From American Idol One Month After She Was Actually Fired!

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 4 September 2010

image for Kara DioGuardi Says She Is Resigning From American Idol One Month After She Was Actually Fired!
Kara DioGuardi recently purchased this pet rat which she has named Simple Simon Shindlebocker.

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Songwriter and former judge on the reality show American Idol Kara DioGuardi held a press conference to announce that she has decided that she does not want to return for another season as judge on American Idol.

DioGuardi thanked the producers of the show, but said that she has decided to go on to other projects and she will not really have the time to devote to continue as a judge on the top ranked show.

Kara stated that she just hates to leave such an extremely popular show, but she added that she has to think about her future and she has decided, after much deliberation, that she will have to quit the top ranked show on American television.

American Idol producer Simon Shindlebocker was told about Ms. DioGuardi's comments and he almost choked on the salmon and cheese sandwich he was eating at the time.

Shindlebocker drank down about eight ounces of water before he was able to speak. He shook his head and started laughing. He then said, "So let me get this straight. Ms. DioGuardi has just stated that she...SHE is resigning from the show."

SimShin, as Ryan Seacrest and Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson call him, started laughing and choking again. This time Jackson had to give him CPR, but not in a gay way.

Shindlebocker drank down another eight ounces of water and said that he would be right back as he had to go to the little boy's room.

When he returned he told the assembled media and paparazzi that he had personally fired and he repeated that, he said that he had personally fired Kara DioGuardi back on July 31, 2010, a little over a month ago.

He said that for her to now come out and say that she is resigning is simply stupid, childish, and she is merely trying to save face.

Shindlebocker said that the same thing happened with Ellen DeGeneres. He noted that she did not resign. He said that he also fired her and not because she was a lesbianite, as some had speculated.

DeGeneres was fired because she was basically too nice and she did not want to hurt any one's feelings. He then said that all Ellen was, was pretty much a skinny little lesbianite cheerleader.

Now in regards to Simon Cowell. Simon did quit. Cowell, on his own, simply chose to walk about from making $44 million a year with American Idol to start up another show which will premier in 2011, called X-Factor, which is based on the British show by the same name.

Shindlebocker wanted to point out that from the very first day that he fired both DeGeneres and DioGuardi both women called him everyday basically begging him to change his mind.

DioGuardi offered to rub up against him like she did all last year with Simon Cowell. DeGeneres, who does not like males, cause she likes females, said that the best she could do would be to buy him a brand new Toyota Tacoma Truck.

SIDENOTE: So as of now, it appears that the only two American Idol cast members who will be returning include Randy "The Pitchy Bitch" Jackson and Ryan "Skippy" Seacrest.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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