Thomas Dewey of the FDA says that a surprise visit by his team found two egg farms in horrible shape.
"No wonder there is salmonella! Some of the cages were full of crap, a dead chicken here and there, big rats staring at you from their hideaways, it was a mess!"
The owners will have to redo everything and clean it up before they will be allowed to sell eggs once again, according to the report.
"We will return when they are through and give it a decent check", stated Dewey. "Until then, no eggs from these two will be at the supermarkets."
Dan Baily, Dewey's assistant stated that he thought that there was some human feces in the building also. "If that was done by a chicken, it must have the mother of all chicken asses!"
"I don't think any of us on the investigating team will be able to eat eggs or chicken for awhile."
After the report became public, many Americans want to send them on a surprise visit to Washington, DC.
"That's where the really big Rats and Chickenshits reside!", stated a spokesman.