Tories deny rumours that one of their Ministers is heterosexual

Funny story written by Noshing Mink

Wednesday, 1 September 2010


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A heterosexual couple - ughhh! How weird is that!

The Tory government is reeling from yet another sex scandal following publication of allegations on an Internet blog that one of its Ministers is heterosexual.

The unnamed Minister was seen talking to and holding hands with a woman. He is said to have shared a room with this woman during a recent party conference. There are even whispered suggestions that the woman is his wife.

David Cameron responded angrily to the rumours, saying that he intends to govern the country rather than answer every salacious piece of gossip published by bloggers. A statement was also released on behalf of the Minister, under cover of anonymity, as follows: "Allegations have been made that a Minister is straight. These allegations are scurrilous lies. The Minister in question, who, to protect the identity of all their gay lovers, chooses to remain anonymous, has never had any relationship with a member of the opposite sex. He or she is as gay as the next Minister and sometimes shags donkeys."

The Labour Opposition called on the Government to out the straight Minister. David Milliband, the main contender for the Labour leadership, said "If this person is straight, he or she clearly poses a security risk and must be identified as soon as possible."

Political journalists believe that this scandal is not going to go away. Adam Bolton from Sky News said "If this Minister is in fact married, it could blow into the biggest sex scandal since the Profumo affair, where another Minister was found to be heterosexual."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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