Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has today published his memoirs. Entitled "I Hate That One-eyed Scottish C**t", it describes Blair's anger at his successor Gordon Brown, and goes into incredible detail about every argument they had. It also describes some of Mr Brown's more unusual habits.
In the book, Blair describes how Brown would sometimes refuse to speak to him unless he put on a funny voice. If Blair would not comply, then Brown would punch him and then flash his rear end at him.
Blair also describes how Brown eats nothing but Scotch eggs and custard, which leads to him "smelling funny all the time".
He explains in detail how he once considered firing Mr Brown, thereby denying him the opportunity to ever take over as Prime Minister. Blair writes, "As soon as I started to discuss it, Brown flicked a bogey at me and blamed it on my wife. The idiot went out in a sulk, the hairy twat! Mr Brown left shortly after."
The book is for sale in all bookshops at a price of only £159.99, or £9999.99 for the version with a free inflatable model of Tony Blair included on the cover.