Government Orders Any Businesses Showing a Profit to Stop Doing So Immediately

Funny story written by Charpa93

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

image for Government Orders Any Businesses Showing a Profit to Stop Doing So Immediately

The recession has gotten so bad that most businesses in the country's market sectors, including technology, capital goods, and energy have been showing losses for the past 6 months or more. This is alarming but it is in line with what the effects of a recession should be showing. While it isn't a good thing, it is something we can base statistics on and therefore it is indicative of a healthy bad cycle.

There are some sectors, however, that are doing well even in this recession, i.e. the pharmaceutical and financial sectors to name a few. The businesses within these sectors are showing a profit, which skews the numbers and deviates from what other businesses in other sectors are showing.

Until these sectors are brought in line with the other sectors, i.e. until they are losing money like the rest of us, they have been ordered by the SEC to cut back on operations until they are in the red like everyone else.

"Until we see a uniform loss across the board," says SEC undersecretary Dee Bottomline, "we cannot fully realize the extent of our recession. For these businesses to be making a profit means they must be doing something either illegal or right. In any case, it's wrong."

Asked if this measure won't actually add unnecessarily to the existing recession and possibly throw the country into a depression, Miss Bottomline answered "Yes, of course it will, but at least then we'll know exactly what we are dealing with. With every business in this country losing money and laying off more workers, we can begin the slow and arduous journey back out of the abyss on a more equal footing."

Miss Bottomline further expressed hope that eventually, when absolutely no American, regardless of social status, can afford to purchase a home, buy a reliable automobile, or put sufficient food on the table, America will have wiped the slate clean and can begin to build from the ground up again.

As Miss Bottomline puts it "no pain, no gain."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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