Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 1 September 2010

image for Drowning Street sommelier: Blair was ratarssed 24/7
Blair blamed a congenital valium deficiency for his love affair with the amber nectar

London - (Wee Dram Mess): The government's former chief bartender said today Blair was mostly pissed from breakfast onwards 'and often needed several changes of underwear a day'.

Kevin 'High Ball' Chaser was commenting on the 'Alcohol & Prime Ministers' chapter of Blair's memoir.

Today he recalled how Cherie would hide the Downing Street drinks cabinet key down her knickers - 'because that's the last place Tony might actually look'.

Weekends at Chequers were often spent on the outdoor tennis court whose surrounding privet hedge 'was stuffed with Newcastle Brown empties and airline shots of Tequila'.

Blaming 'alkie groundsmen' in charge of Chequers' extensive herbaceous borders became a regular excuse during those heady domestic Grand Slam days.

George W Bush's state visit to London saw Blair helpfully slip some Special Brew inside complimentary mouthwash bottles in Buckingham Palace's Royal Ratzinger Suite ensuite bathroom cabinet.

And that legendary 'Colgate' moment that Bush revealed at the Camp David summit that bound the Poodle Brothers?

"They were both snorting from a stash cleverly concealed inside a toothpaste container," Chaser explained.

"Got the idea off Prince Charles' own Colgate squeezer! A nifty device that delivers an exact one tenth of a gram line at the flick of a button."

Carole Caplin is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Tony Blair




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