Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart's Steamy Vampire Sex Scene In Twilight: Breaking Dawn
Insiders who have seen parts of the scripts for "Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn" have hinted that there will be a very steamy sex scene between the two leading stars, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. "Parts of the script were left on someone's...
Read full storyPoltergeist at No 10 Says Brown
In response to claims that Gordon Brown threw diaries and cups of coffee at civil servants, Gordon Brown now claims in his autobiography, "The Road to Oblivion" that it was, in fact, poltergeists which threw things at people and not him in a fit of p...
Read full storyScottish Police Call for More Women Shooters
Scottish police have called for more female officers to carry guns. At the moment it is mainly the men who are called upon to whip their weapons out and shoot at passers by. Under new Sex Equality Laws men will be able to be shot dead by either ma...
Read full storySick as a dog Thatcher clings to life support
London - (True Blue Bollox Mess): The fetid old slag had to be given intravenous worming pills this afternoon after doctors diagnosed compost crawlers wriggling out of Mrs T's orifices. "These are typical graveyard brandlings," Royal Freak Hospita...
Read full storySex Problems On Their Honeymoon For 450-Pound Man, 425-Pound Bride
The fire department was called out to the Higgensville Hotel in Birmingham, Alabama last night as the combined weight of a nearly 900-pound couple had caused their first sex thrust on their wedding night to go through the floor and land on a couple a...
Read full storyAnn Coulter Claims She Got Jock Itch from a French Canadian
New York, NY - Forty eight year old right-wing - "blonde from head to toe" - commentator, author and syndicated columnist Ann Coulter, described, on the Sean Hannity Show, how she got jock itch while giving a speech in Montréal, Canada. Accordi...
Read full storyBonkettes Manager In Heart Attack Drama - Gay Larry Asked To Fill In
Consternation here today on the paradise island of Las Bananas - home to the best girl band in the world - The Bonkettes. Skoob Entertainment News can confirm that BT Bishop, the Bonkettes manager was rushed away by air ambulance following a suspecte...
Read full storyJaws enters British waters!
The great white shark better known as Jaws has definitely entered British waters, scary! Unknown before, Jaws that majestic beast who loves a surf board, piece of leg or the 'full monty' has been seen swimming off the coast of Britain looking very...
Read full storyMass Eviction from the Big Brother Mine
Shock today as a mass eviction has effectively ended the Big Brother mine programme once and for all. President Sebastian Pinera joined Divina Macall as all 33 of the Big Brother "miners" basically won after a vote rigging scandal centered on the Cat...
Read full storyAngela Jolie refused entry into Bosnia because her film's too "horny"!
Angela Jolie's first attempt at film directing has received a "shot across the bows" from the Bosnian government. They refused to let her into the country and vehemently refused to let her film there. Also "glorious hubby", Mr Pitt, was left s...
Read full storyGay Man Holds Little Boy's Balls
A gay man has got in a slight bit of bother after he was pictured holding a young boy's balls in the local park. Larry Sabu, 20, was feeding the ducks with some leftover scraps when he noticed the small lad struggling to climb over a fence. The...
Read full storyMens incapabilities confirmed
Ladies it's true. At one time or another we'll have had our "other half" do - or not do something which really REALLY irritates us, but studies have proved there are a wealth of things which men are physically and mentally incapable of doing - all of which come second nature to us "superior sex" women. The top ten are listed here. 1. Changing the toilet roll when it comes to the end 2.
Read full storyChristina Aguilera divorces Batman
Christina Aguilera (29) has confirmed she is to divorce her husband on the grounds of 'habitual lying,' if there is such a reason. She states on her website 'Jordan has lied to me all this time telling me he was a super hero with his own cave, bla...
Read full storyThe Kop is a flop
Liverpool FC have been forced to remove the "FC" as they are technically not good enough to be labelled a Football Club. The owners - God only knows who they are at the moment - are being forced to change the name to 'Pool SL - Sunday League, and...
Read full storyKaty Perry gets cold feet
Singer Katy Perry - soon to be wed to long haired television personality Russell Brand has reportedly told how she has started to get cold feet. VERY cold feet. An inside source says that now the wedding is getting closer, Katy has been putting m...
Read full storyWhat the f**k is a quango?
Well it's not an extinct bird from the rainforests of Madagascar or a fancy drum played by the homeless on street corners. For those of us that care the most simple definition has to be they are black holes for our cash. Yes, for the last 10 years these so called think tanks and department supervisors have been hovering up tax payer's cash like an Essex girl snorts coke on a Friday night, but n...
Read full storyClarke Notes the Cats Claws
Justice Secretary Ken Clarke let the cat out of the bag when he declared of the UK economy: 'We are not out of the woods yet.' He considered that we were in 'grave danger of financial collapse'. According to Ken we are in for dramatic events neve...
Read full storyJust a Rumor
There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that President Barack Obama had the CIA create the disaster in Chile, to put TV focus on Chile, and not on the political races. During that blackout, there has been quite a "swing" in the political races. Dem...
Read full storyRon Johnson Blames Jesus for High Taxes, Medicare and Social Security
Madison, WI-- Ron Johnson who is the republican nominee for the senate seat currently held by Russ Feingold came out and made some bold statements. "I believe Jesus is to blame for the large burden of Social Security, Medicare and taxes on the ri...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Does Album With Twisted Sister?
Teen pop sensation, Justin Bieber doesnt only have his own cologane, now he plans to do an album with the hair metal band, Twisted Sister. Singer/Song writer, Dee Snider claims, "Well, we suck. We suck out loud. We just couldn't suck enough, so we...
Read full storyMiners and Bombers Puzzle
Osama Bin Laden sat in his tent puzzled. 'Why did those infidels go miles down into a mine to save people's lives?' he pondered 'surely it is the will of Allah to go down holes in the ground and blow people up.' As millions were overjoyed at seeing lives saved by amazing feats of engineering and courage Osama was annoyed that this took attention away from the martyrs who had descended into the...
Read full storyChinese judge rules sale of Liverpool must not go ahead
Hicks and Gillett have now secured the backing of a Chinese judge to stop the sale of their football club. The two yanks fearful their Texan judge will fail have started to seek help elsewhere. The senior judge Mr Yang Shang Po said today that he...
Read full storyBlack Family With Father Is a Hoax/Obama's new kids?
Reports of a black family who were found to have a father living inside the house, is actually a hoax. Jesse Brown is not the father of the two children that lived in his house. The father of those kids are actually that of, President Obama. "I...
Read full storyPorn Stars Who Do 'Anal' More At Risk Of HIV Says SA Pres Zuma
South African President, Jacob Zuma is apparently, according to sources, firmly of the position that porn stars who do anal scenes in adult movies are more at risk of infection by HIV than ordinary people who don't indulge in that sort of thing. A...
Read full storyKurt Cobain Sex Tape Found!
The long awaited Kurt Cobain sex tape has been discovered. The tape appears to be that of R Kelly pissing inside the Urn of what is believed to be the ashes of Kurt Cobain. "I think it's what Kurt would of wanted" says Courtney Love who is known...
Read full storyBoring Bastard Finds Just the Right Job!
South Carolina's most Boring Bastard, at least according to his wife who has an ass and a memory like an elephant, finally found just the right job after joining 22 Social Networking Sites! "I'd almost given up trying to find just the right job, "...
Read full storyThe Latest Celebrity Craze For Halloween Is Swarovski Pumpkin Seed Vajazzling
HOLLYWOOD - It is certainly no secret that the celebrities on the Left Coast are always at the forefront of new and different innovations. The Californians led the way in body piercings including body parts such as eyebrows, lips, tongues, nipple...
Read full storyFormula 1ski heading for Russia
It appears F1 cars will soon be racing in Russia according to the Prime Minister Vladimir 'The Impaler' Putin, who has apparently done a deal to bring the sport to the Russian people claiming he has a secret driver ready to take on the pro's. Vlad...
Read full storyBiden Gushes: Barry Wants Me to Run Again! Pelosi: HE LIES!
Confusion reigned in Congress today after a euphoric VP Joe Biden gushed on the House floor that President Obama was keeping him on the ticket for 2012, only to be shouted down by an enraged House Speaker Nancy Pelosi who yelled, "He lied....he pro...
Read full storyYahoo to Fight AOL Based on Name Change Alone
Nobody on Wall Street was surprised to learn of the takeover attempt by AOL over Yahoo, but a fight seems to be brewing over the proposed name for the combined companies. Industry insiders say that the friction created by the poorly chosen name...
Read full storyBritish Airways Solves Lost Baggage Problem
British Airways which for years has suffered the worst record of baggage loss for any airline has announced a new strategy to cut losses. From 1st January 2011 all of BA's customer baggage will be sent by Ryan Air. Although Ryan Air only operat...
Read full storyChiles - "Bleakley Whiffs"
Adrian Chiles has told Daybreak producers they need to change the 6 inch rule to the 6 feet rule. Apparantly Christine Bleakley whiffs so much he can't bear to be within 6 feet of her. Other guests have reportedly complained that Christine smells...
Read full storyQueen to Pose Nude for 85th Birthday Portrait
The Department of Home Affairs has announced that next year's 85th birthday portrait of the queen will show her sitting naked, except for her crown, cross-legged on a tank in the Iraqi desert. A Buckingham Palace source stated that the royal genit...
Read full storyLocal Man In Late Running Train Drama
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock found himself coping with a deeply distressing set of circumstances last night, and today is relaxing quietly at home, expecting to make a complete recovery, and grateful to have emerged from his ordeal relatively unscat...
Read full storyIs Cheryl Cole poking fun at Ashley with her new album?
Pop diva Cheryl Cole has been forced to deny rumours that her latest album contains various sexual connotations all poking fun at her previous love Ashley. Cole's new album is to be titled 'Messy Little Raindrops' which some believe is a dig at As...
Read full storyVolcano Forms Overnight In Iowa Hog Farmer's Pig Pen
WATERLOO, Iowa - Lifelong Iowa hog farmer Pervis Diddlydoo told a reporter for The Waterloo Daily Cornshucker that last Tuesday as he was in bed with the Mrs. he heard a rumbling sound. Pervis got up, put on his farming boots, and went outside to...
Read full storyKirstie Alley's Best Friend Says Kirstie Better Check Into A Fat Farm Before She Looks Like 603 Pound Gabourey Sidibe
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - For the past year or so, former actress Kirstie Alley has tipped the scales at 409 pounds. Well now it seems that one of her long time friends Larleen Brokengate has said that Kirstie has not lost any weight at all which is in co...
Read full story"Lord" Sugar is FIRED
The BBC have axed Alan Sugar from the apprentice following complaints he wasn't putting in enough hours, was walking around as though he owned the gaff and was sacking staff without following correct procedures. It is claimed that Alan was barely...
Read full storyPolice officer jailed for vicious assaults on partygoers
Just in from our Castlemaine XXXX sponsored correspondent in Australia: A Queensland police officer, Senior Cunstable Fred Fascist-Bastard, has been jailed for the rest of his natural life, with forced transportation to England, where he will be hand...
Read full storyAlex "Euromillions" Reid dumps Jordan
Alex Reid has sensationally dumped Jordan, real name Katie Price, after he revealed he has won the Euromillions lottery. Alex Reid issued a statement today thanking his adoring fans for all their support but said that wife Jordan can "Go and do...
Read full storySupermarket Plans Summary Justice After Judge's Criticism
A major supermarket chain is planning to dispense summary justice at its Irish stores following advice from a judge irritated by shoplifting prosecutions. The judge, hearing a case against a Lithuanian man who stole a bottle of wine from a Tesco s...
Read full storyLiverpool go to Extra Time
A dramatic goal in injury time meant Liverpool had to go into extra time against their American owners, before they can be owned by other Americans. Shaun Gilette, one of the owners struggling to maintain power realises that his injury time goal w...
Read full storyBritish Shipping Danger as Lighthouse Subsidy Is Cut
British ships faces being left in the dark when they approach hazardous Irish waters, it is feared. As a result cost-cutting exercises, the UK Government is reducing payments to the Commissioners of Irish Lights (CIL). The annual subsidy has been...
Read full storyBrett Farve's Texting Career Sidelined by Tendonitis; Kardashian Crushed!
Brett Farve, The NFL's oldest living quarterback, who hasn't missed starting a game since 1972, says while he can still hand it off, complete short shovel passes, and run the Quarterback 'sneak', his days of sending long distance NAKED bombs on hi...
Read full storyToo many Pips in Quangos!
Government plans to axe the number of Pips in Quango orange juice have resulted in money saving measures that will save the economy from ruin. Merging Quango Departments and renaming them will cost a fair amount in repainting signs on doors and so...
Read full storyRecent Obama EMail
FROM: Barack Obama TO: The 33 Chilean Miners On behalf of Michelle and myself, President of the United States, Barack Obama, and all Democratic Candidates, we want to extend our best wishes for your sufvival and your rescue. In our country, we also have a number of candidates who were "politically" buried by their Republican opponents, and rescue efforts by Michelle, Joe, Bill, Hillary an...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Are in Deep Trouble!
The head of all things terrorist, Osama bin Laden, is said to be very angry because of a book written by Al Qaeda (Yemen Chapter) entitled "How to Kill Americans". In principle, he applauds their efforts, but he does have his doubts as to whether it is the wisest move at the current time. The Americans know of his exact whereabouts and could kill him at any time and indeed, the CIA have already...
Read full storyTexas Governor Perry Releases Campaign Schedule
The Committee for the Reelection of Perry (CREEP) has released the Texas Governor's evening campaign schedule through election day. The schedule is identical daily, except on Wednesdays at 10:00 PM, when the Governor will gig a "horny toad." 7:00 PM - Put on Hat 7:15 PM - Git in Truck 7:30 PM - Hoot 'n Holler 8:00 PM - Election Talkin 9:00 PM - Threaten to Secede from the Union...
Read full storyArquette - Cox "wouldn't take it up the rear"
The real reason for the Arquette/Arquette-Cox aplit is down to Courtneys absolute refusal to "take it up the rear" David says that he had been asking Courteney repeatedly to take it up the rear but she point blankly refused, and so much so that to...
Read full storyCold weather payments to be slashed...
...up the wall by MPs who are pissed off with not being able to pass their piss up payments on to the tax payer. Emergency cold weather payments to the elderly could be cut from £25 to £8.50 under plans to replace members of parliaments partying p...
Read full storyCliff Richard - not the original Cliff
Experts have been studying pictures released of Cliff Richard on his 70th birthday and can reveal to you that this is not the original Cliff - HE IS AN IMPOSTER. The fresh faced, active "70" year old is actually a clone that Cliff had created 40...
Read full storyFirst Chilean miner already showing signs of PTSD
Already, one of the Chilean miners has started to show signs and symptoms of severe PTSD. Within hours of being brought to the surface, Senor Pablo Houdini was experiencing cold sweats, tremors in his hands and an overwhelming sense of fear and anxie...
Read full storyScholars Say Palin Subject of Nostradamus Text
Over the centuries, scholars have toiled to unlock the meaning of the writings by sixteenth century French apothecary and seer Nostradamus. Since the Fall of 2008, experts have watched in awe as three of Nostradamus' quatrains have revealed their...
Read full storyVillage Chaos Thanks To Hungarian's Satnav
A Hungarian lorry driver brought chaos to an English village when his satellite navigation device directed him down a narrow country lane when he was looking for Budapest. He ignored weight, height and width restrictions and drove his 40-ton vehic...
Read full storyChilean Miners inspire Celebrity Cave In
As the last of the miners emerged blinking into the world above and are propelled into worldwide stardom, bosses at Channel 4, looking for something to replace Big Bother, sat up and took notice of the twenty-four hour coverage of the rescue. Rapi...
Read full storyBBC News Punch Up Fall Out - Weatherman Schafernaker Dropped
TV weatherman Tomasz Schafernaker, who was famously caught on camera 'giving the finger' to news reader Simon McCoy in August, has been dropped as an on-screen presenter. His bosses at Met Office say the move is just part of a move to have fewer o...
Read full storyKate Humble Nude - New Fashion And Make-Up Lines
As if the long-running story concerning fans demanding their idols wear fewer or more clothes was not complex enough, another group has entered the fray. 'Humbly For Kate' is a group of fans who eagerly tune in to watch Kate Humble present Autumnw...
Read full storyMidsomer Murders - The Stiffs Are Back
Fans of Tom Barnaby were applauding last night as the latest episode of Midsomer Murders included three bodies, angry caricatures and dodgy sexual relationships. There were concerns after last week's episode, when it took 80 minutes of the two-hou...
Read full storyMidsomer Murders Punches Its Weight At Last - TV Review
So, with a two-week opportunity to reassert itself, Midsomer Murders teases us with two marvellously ridiculous shows before it goes off air again, victim to some European football contest. But, it was Barnaby himself who suggested why he is soon to make his way into the sunset. Three murders, he admits to his sergeant at the end, were committed "right under my nose." (Don't worry, he is to...
Read full storySesame Street Makes Top Ten List of Dangerous Places
Sesame Street is no longer the wholesome neighborhood street that children and their families flock to to enjoy an afternoon of counting and rhyming and learning some fun educational facts. It is becoming more and more a place where you don't want to...
Read full storyFirst Rescued Buried Miners: "¿Chile? ¿Estamos Suramericano? Ay, no"
At 10:50 p.m. this evening, the last of the 33 Chilean miners who've been taking an extended coffee break underground since their mine collapsed on Aug. 5 was hoisted to the surface. Sadly, the hope, the happiness, los sueños of the miners was das...
Read full storySusan Boyle In For Liverpool?
Liverpool Football Club, the once-mighty conquerors of Europe, the team that swept all before it during the late 1970s, and all through the 1980s, the magnificent organisation that gave us Bill Shankly, Bob Paisley, Kenny Dalglish, Kevin Keegan and E...
Read full storyTLC to Air This Old Crack House Hoarder Bridezilla Special
The Learning Channel keeps coming up with bigger and better ideas to try and garner the lion's share of ratings in the reality television business. With Bravo shows such as the wildly famous "Real Housewives" series and "Chef" series, it is getting i...
Read full storyMiners Out! - Thatcher Gutted
As the civilised world revelled in the news that the 33 Chilean miners have been delivered safely from their 700m subterrainean hell after 70 days, reports are coming in that one person is not at all pleased. Insiders claimed that ex-British Premi...
Read full storyBilly Mays' Ghost Wreaks Havoc on Martha Stewart Show
Taping of the most recent segment of the Martha Stewart Show this past week had to be halted when strange occurrences had Martha ducking under the grill isle in her studio kitchen. Producers aren't sure yet what to make of it, but said that it became...
Read full storyObama Contempltes NASCAR Career in 2013!
With the shocking Spoof News earlier today that Michelle was considering bolting to Hollywood and a new career as the next Black Exploitation Chic to replace an aging Pam Grier, Pundits were left wondering what would be left for Barry! They didn...
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