Scottish Police Call for More Women Shooters

Funny story written by Xavier

Thursday, 14 October 2010


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Scottish police have called for more female officers to carry guns. At the moment it is mainly the men who are called upon to whip their weapons out and shoot at passers by.

Under new Sex Equality Laws men will be able to be shot dead by either male or female officers but only women police will be allowed to shoot women. This follows on from rules regarding intimate searching where men can be searched by either sex but only women can search females.

Following confirmation that the police may execute suspected offenders, such as the Moat case and the English barrister who was shot whilst trying to tell police he couldn't hear them on his mobile phone, there is a widespread hope by the justice departments that the police will make a serious effort to execute rather than arrest; thus saving millions of pounds in court and prison costs.

Women, traditionally, have not liked guns because the bangs they make frighten them and the smoke can make their clothes smell. One female officer was awarded £167,976.41 after splitting her nail whilst trying to fire her weapon.

Danny McDonald, of the Scottish Home Department told us that the police in Scotland are testing new light-weight pistols with pink grips and specially scented black powder in the bullets to appease feminist groups who say that the police guns are too heavy and make too loud a bang for women to use.

Women police officers have taken well to using the tazer and it is a female who holds the record of tasering a man the most times. She was still shouting, "Take that you sexist bastard" as she fired her tazer for the 50th time. It later transpired that the man she was tazering was actually in the middle of an epileptic fit but a police spokesman said it was perfectly OK to tazer epileptics and men having heart attacks because it saves calling an ambulance, so her record stands.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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