As the civilised world revelled in the news that the 33 Chilean miners have been delivered safely from their 700m subterrainean hell after 70 days, reports are coming in that one person is not at all pleased.
Insiders claimed that ex-British Premier Margaret Thatcher, reportedly suffering from terminal 'forgetfulness' muttered that she couldn't understand what all the fuss was about, because as far as she was concerned, there shouldn't even be any miners because she destroyed them all in 1985.
"Not so," said International miner's leader Bora Hole. "Mining is still alive and kicking, despite Thatcher's attempts to strangle it at source in the UK. It's gone on in other countries for decades, the difference being that some nations support their workers - who after all are the backbone of any national economy - whilst others prefer the financial sector as a source of national income. We all know where that particular strategy left us."
"Yeah, right in the fuckin' shit," said a passer by with a Yorkshire accent who overheard the Skoob News interview conversation. "It's all well and good all these London based fucking fairies deciding the future of our country based on Thatcherism - but may I be so kind as to remind you that the British Empire was built on industrialisation - not fucking paper shuffling and number crunching. Cunts, the lot of 'em."
Archetypal Brit, Donald Skoob (c Monkey Woods) a former janitor at Salford University, and now an apprentice hairdresser at Audrey Roberts' Salon on Coronation Street, in Weatherfield, had this to say:
"That fucking Thatcher almost destroyed this country. I'll be cracking a bottle of champers when the lemon sucking faced old sow bites the dust. You can tell her that from me, Arthur Scargill and the lads and lasses. In fact, I'll say my goodbyes now if you don't mind. Because it can't fucking come soon enough for me."
Apparently yesterday was Thatcher's 85th birthday.
Eclipsed, totally by a mining rescue operation (news courtesy of Nae Mair Crap news) which somehow appears according to observers to spin a narrative continuity thread.
Here at Skoob News we wish Mrs Thatcher a Happy Birthday.
Providing there isn't another one.
Allegedly.
More as we get it.
