Flaming Katie Enrages Cage Fans
The second husband and cage-fighting transvestite belonging to businesswoman Katie Price, has revealed how he is happy to take his wife's name. Dressed in a tiara and bikini whilst promoting her latest autobiography 31 year old glamour model Katie...
Read full storyEnd of Year Audit Confirms' New Oasis Bar' a Success with Brits in Love with TITS!
After two spectacular financial failures, it seem the third time was the charm as the "New Oasis Bar', a Spoof Collaboration of demented writers, hit the jack pot with their theme of Tits, Tits and More Tits...and a wee bit of Arse! According to p...
Read full storySuBo fanatics to monitor her around-the-clock
Rabid Susan Boyle fanatics will soon have their dreams come true. After a number of incidents with stalkers and burglars, SuBo's team have decided to install a network of cameras at her Scottish home. To the delight of SuBo fanatics around the world,...
Read full storyGrandpa Ganja On Helmets and Bikers
California has a helmet law for motorcycle riders and a lot of bikers are pissed about it. They claim it interferes with their right to kill or maim themselves but that's not the whole truth. What really disturbs these guys is they don't like what it does to their image. See, bikers are macho guys, real men with so much excess testosterone in their systems they can import the stuff to less f...
Read full storyWoman Chokes During Oral Sex Demo
The world has fallen in love with the hot dog ever since its invention. This is especially true in the United States, where the amount of hot dogs Americans consume in a year is measured in hundreds of tons. However, thanks to the limp-noodle cult...
Read full storySecret language of Presidents and other leaders analysed
Researchers in San Diego have been studying what they described as 'the secret language of Presidents', by using a new machine to monitor words said by Presidents that other human beings can't hear. The current President's cheesy grin and corny mixtu...
Read full storyCarlos Tevez spotting on the rise
As Manchester City's form continues to plummet, a desperate Roberto Mancini has pleaded for help from the public to be on the lookout for his AWOL striker, Carlos Tevez. Luckily for him, the public have responded with comments on the website he ha...
Read full storyDutch parliament dissolves over Afghanistan, if they withdraw who should supply the drugs?!
The Dutch parliament has dissolved over an issue which is dear to many Dutch peoples hearts: Should they stay in Afghanistan or withdraw. The implications for a withdrawal could have a devastating affect on one of the major economic factors gove...
Read full storyAsian "E-waste mountains" will soon be higher than Everest: Climbers can't wait!
Himalayan peak, Everest, is about to lose it's record of being the highest mountain in the world and Everest climbers are turning their attentions to the latest challenges, E-Mountains! Growing rapidly in India, China and other Asian countries the...
Read full storyWhole Country Getting Fatter, Says Kirstie Alley
Study after study agree with her findings, according to fat actress, Kirstie Alley, who says she has now passed the size of her friend "Norm" on Cheers. "It's not just me, it's the whole country..maybe the whole world", says Kirstie. "I'm pretty...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Catches Kristin Stewart & Taylor Lautner In The Sack Together
Robert Pattinson was very upset last night when he changed his plans and unexpectedly went into "The Sack" and found his On/Off again girlfriend having a veggie sandwich with Twilight co-star , Taylor Lautner, according to witnesses. "What are you...
Read full storyHome experiments whilst naked #01
Welcome. I am Jesus Budda. In this series I will be describing some experiments that you, the ordinary person reading this article right now, can do at home. Naked. All these experiments are 100% real. The majority of them will not lead to death or illness. I take no responsibility for any horrible mutilation that should occur. With that crap out of the way, let us now enter the wo...
Read full storyNHS Homeopath Defends Cash Spent on Medicines
The NHS reportedly spent £4m last year on homeopathic cures, which are completely alien to most of the general public. Leading homeopathic medicinal scientist, Mrs. Joyflower Buttercup-Palmtree explains how it works: "Well, it's this radical new...
Read full storyLorena Bobbit Named to Spearhead FDA War Aginst Choking on Wienies!
Concerned about a rising death toll resulting from choking on some popular snacks, most notably Wieners, the Food and Drug Administration, FDA, got out in front of the issue with some controversial ads to help combat the problem which many say is...
Read full storyThe Ghastly Gordon's entered in most abusive bullying bastards of the year competition
The Ghastly Gordon's alias Gordon Brown and Gordon Ramsay have been entered in the most abusive bullying bastards of the world competition. Uri Geller who worked with Gordon Ramsay on a television special where Uri helped prepare a meal and serve...
Read full storySuBo Bro desperate for attention
Gerry Boyle, brother of world renowned singer Susan Boyle, recently made several efforts to keep his name within the circle of his sister's limelight. In a recent interview, Gerry Boyle claimed that his sister's true dream is not to sing for world...
Read full storyBrown: Inspiration For Bullying Revealed
Gordon Brown has been all over the country's press recently, for allegedly bullying staff at Number 10. Many are reported to have called a Bullying Helpline. In cases like these, it is necessary to go deeper than the superficial reports, excuses a...
Read full storyGordon Brown "I am no bully"
Reports this weekend that Gordon Brown "bullied" members of staff, used violent and offensive language and operated a regime of terror, were strongly denied by No. 10 and Ministers today. When Reporters put allegations to Mr Brown regarding his di...
Read full storyDear Mr Medvedev...
You said that anybody could just drop you a line to ask for your help or to make suggestions. I'd like to take you up on that offer if I may? Firstly, can I suggest that you try to keep the place a little cleaner? Ok, a lot cleaner. I haven't noticed any street sweepers in the capital. Where are they all? Siberia? Oh, they are. Sorry. They were guilty of anti-Russian practices so you shipped...
Read full storyDynamo Moscow - A Short History
Dynamo Moscow are one of the most famous names in European football. Just after the second world war they visited England and played against Chelsea, thus providing an early link between Russia and the West London team. Despite the long, proud history Dynamo Moscow are about as popular as a dissident at Putin's datcha. Could this be that Dynamo Moscow are the team of the KGB? When the commen...
Read full storyHedgehog Banned From Back Garden
Controversy still surrounds the decision taken by Stig O'Treacy to ban a hedgehog from his back garden. Sammy the hedgehog was removed from the garden two days ago and has not been allowed back. The origins of this feud go back to last autumn when...
Read full storyNuns To Strike
Nuns have announced that they are to strike. This follows the allegations that the Pope had been caught in a compromising position with a novice. Sister Mary O'Treacy said "We are not just here to be ridden by the upper echelons of the Vatican. We...
Read full storyToyota Now To Recall Ceiling Fans!
After receiving over one hundred complaints, Toyota is having to announce still another recall, this time of their ceiling fans. "I love my ceiling fan as it can provide a gentle breeze in the summer with the air conditioner on low. It's simply pe...
Read full storySusan Boyle fan bans himself
In a shocking turn of events at The Greatest Only-est Online Susa-show on Earth (GOOSE), forum administrator Jack Schiedt placed a two-week ban upon himself for violating one of his own rules. Admin Schiedt realized, only after posting, that one o...
Read full storyGrand Slam Thank You M'am as Nadal texts Shakira?
Blushing Meadows - (Love-All): The "Roses are red but my balls are blue; Haven't slept a wink since I last *****ed you!" SMS text was intercepted by Chinese cyberhackers this morning. Up to a dozen Nadal-at-home pictures were also wiretapped showi...
Read full storyCheryl Cole Seeks Comfort In The Arms of Derek Hough of Dancing With The Stars
HOLLYWOOD - Earlier this month one of the top dancers on Dancing With The Stars Derek Hough flew to London to choreograph and to star in Cheryl Cole's latest music video "Parachute." The two got along fantastically. Cole even mentioned to a close...
Read full storyCheryl Cole in "Cheat" Shock
Ashley Cole has today revealed that he is not the only one in the Cole household to have failed to play by the rules. The grim faced Chelsea star has disclosed information relating to a game of Monopoly the couple enjoyed which resulted in Ashley...
Read full storySimon Cowell Says Howard Stern Wants To Take His Place On American Idol
FORT WORTH, Texas - American Idol judge Simon Cowell was in Fort Worth to see about purchasing some genuine longhorn cattle that he wants for a Texas ranch he is planning on buying. The AI judge was asked about the fact that controversial radio pe...
Read full storyAfghanistan adopts Pink Ouija Board as "Ultimate Psyops Weapon"
Afghan officials say outnumbered Taliban fighters are mounting a tougher fight than expected in Marjah, even though they supplied pink ouija boards to suspected Taliban family members One Afghan source who is not authorized to talk to the media o...
Read full storySuBo fanatic has plastic surgery
A Canadian Susan Boyle fanatic has had plastic surgery to look like Piers Morgan. The unnamed man, known only as 'William The Dangler', said "It was the only way I'd be in with a chance. We all know she's secretly in love with Piers Morgan. Now she c...
Read full storyPediatricians: Ban the Hot Dog!
The American Academy of Pediatrics has published a policy statement that because of the risk of death and significant injury due to kids' choking on the hot dog, the classical shape of the frankfurter must be altered. Doctor Philomena Poole, the...
Read full storyMossad chief calls UK National Bullying Helpline tips 'disappointing'
London - (Woolly-Bully): The Dubai passports and assassination row escalated today with Israel's top Mossad tough guy making a formal complaint about the UK National Bullying Helpline. "We seriously considered all their tips," he commented. "Vi...
Read full storyScout breaks world 100 metre swimming record
A scout in Lytham St Annes, near Blackpool, has broken the world swimming record for the one hundred metres freestyle thanks to an obscure ruling in the scouting organisation. After examining how dangerous water is, the British Scouts (BS) have de...
Read full storySinging star Susan Boyle is looking for love, reveals her brother
Facially challenged singing sensation Susan Boyle's showbiz success isn't making her happy - because she doesn't have someone to love. Susan's brother Gerry said yesterday he worried that Susan, 48, had no special someone to share her triumphs wit...
Read full storyUSA Hockey Steals Canada's Coffee and Crullers
Enacting their pre-game strategy in advance of the long awaited Olympic hockey match up between Team Canada and Team USA, the young Americans stole team Canada's coffee and donut crullers just prior to the game. The loss of the pre-game "Coffee an...
Read full storyMilitary Academy Next To Extremist Mosque Causes A Stir
A large military academy has been built close to a Mosque run by extremists, causing worshippers to complain. The Sandshoe Academy will be used to train officer cadets. However, nearby is the Mohammad Hurst Mosque. Imam Mohammad Al Kaeeda sai...
Read full storyScouts introduce guidelines for being near water
The British Organisation for Beavers And Joint Organisation for Boys' Scouting (BOBAJOBS) are nearing the end of their review of Health and Safety for children in their care. Being organised, they have dealt with them in alphabetical order, cover...
Read full storyRBS CEO In Bonus Replacement Rumour
Stephen Hester, CEO of the Royal Bank of Scotland, has recently hit the headlines by announcing that he is giving up his £1.6m bonus for 2009. However, it came to my attention that he didn't mention that he might be replacing it with something no...
Read full storyHordes of Short, Tattooed, Flat Chested Reality Show Contestants Turn Out to Welcome Cheryl Cole to LA!
In L.A. today, where every day leads to a new Reality Show, and anyone can be the next tabloid star, the ranks of the dysfunctional swelled by one today as Fans turned out to welcome self exiled Queen of the Tabloids, Cheryl Cole. Saying she fled...
Read full storyTories Set To Merge With BNP
David 'Dave' Cameron has declared his intention to merge his party with the BNP before the next election. "I want to end the white male dominated political scene. The BNP has led the way in encouraging ethnic minorities to join the political elite. W...
Read full storyBrown staff to learn martial arts skills
Staff at 10 Downing Street are to take classes in the martial art Krav Maga to protect themselves from an increasingly violent and embittered prime minister. One senior aide was taken to hospital with a crushed laryrx yesterday after Brown finger...
Read full storyCheryl Cole to take up singing
Scientists have discovered that singing may be able to help stroke victims regain the ability to speak again by rewiring the brain. This revolutionary idea has inspired Geordie cage fighter, Cheryl Cole, to give up miming all her classic hits and...
Read full storyMystery Billionaire in plan to buy Rangers
The pipedream of financially stricken Rangers being owned by its loyal and dignified supporters moved closer after a Scottish expatriate multi billionaire last night announced plans to buy out the Ibrox club from Moonbeams International Holdings.
Read full storyBritain's First Strip Library To Open In Grays, Essex
A strip library is to open in Grays, Essex. The innovation is the brainchild of local businessman and keen reader, Stig O'Treacy. "I wanted somewhere for the discerning gentleman to be able to read and enjoy seeing naked librarians. It just seemed li...
Read full storyZac Efron Beats Joe Jonas by Eight Seconds
Zac Efron has beaten Joe Jonas's record for the shortest amount of time taken to dump a girl over the phone. The star was said to be extremely jealous of the attention Jonas was getting when he dumped Taylor Swift over a 25 second phone call.
Read full storyAshley Left Back In Dressing Room As Cheryl Goes For A New Line Up
Cheryl Cole has announced that she is dropping husband Ashley Cole from the team. This comes following several away games where he was clearly caught offside. His defense leaked own goals and Cheryl feels that she needs a new team mate in order to av...
Read full storyBrown Denies Bullying, Grabs Reporter by Throat for Suggesting He Did!
PM Gordon Brown reacted violently today when questioned by a reporter today on complaints surfacing that he physically threatened and man handled staff in fits of rage. Buttonholed on the sidewalk as he emerged from his Limo outside #10 by a mild...
Read full storyGary Cooper forced to resign before High Noon
Professor Gary Cooper has resigned as Patron of the National bullying helpline because he was bullied. He resigned before high noon unlike his namesake Gary Cooper who faced the baddies at noon. Cooper resigned just like that because he crapped ou...
Read full storyProfessor Carlton the Nutty Professor on Global Freezing to many people have fridges
Professor Karl Carlton known as the nutty professor claims that we are in a period of Global freezing because to many people have fridges. It is a fact that every year the amount of fridges sold is increasing at an alarming rate even in hot countr...
Read full storyGood Weather hits Vancouver Olympics
It's good news for sunbathers in Canada this week, but bad news for the Winter Olympics as temperatures in Vancouver soared into double figures. With a day time high of 12ºC and sunny weather forecast throughout the games, visitors have been trading...
Read full storyShakira and Rafael Nadal Heat Up The Australian Open
MELBOURNE, Australia - The number two seeded tennis player Rafael Nadal was photographed in a very cozy clutch with Colombian-born singer Shakira. A friend of Nadal's said that the 23-year-old has fallen in love with the South American firecracker...
Read full storyThe Moorview Institute Chapter 27 - Lobotomies Made Simple
The knock on the door startled him. Melvin Lipshitz was worried of late. The Moorview institute was in trouble and he knew it. Not only was he short-staffed with the influx of new patients but staff had been listing multiple personalities as separate patients as well while doctor's were falling behind on procedures for existing patients. He gazed at the Rubik's cube he kept on his desk and cur...
Read full storyPresident Obama, Pelosi, Reid, Finally Release All Three Of Obama's Birth Certificates
President Barack Obama finally released a copy of his birth certificate that shows he was born in a hospital in Honolulu this morning. However, there was a mix-up as Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi also released a copy of Obama's birth certifica...
Read full storySimon Cowell Gives Advice On How He Got His Sexy Body
Before leaving his show "American Idol", Simon Cowell says that it would not be appropriate to leave without revealing how he has the body that women and some men, love. Cowell, who appears in the latest issue of "Real Hunks" talked for three hour...
Read full story99% of Brits don't know who Cheryl Cole is either
As well as most Americans never having heard of Cheryl Cole, whoever she is, it turned out that 99% of British people didn't know who she is either - except for the usual celebrity-obsessed kiddies that read The Daily Star and think parts of the body...
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