FORT WORTH, Texas - American Idol judge Simon Cowell was in Fort Worth to see about purchasing some genuine longhorn cattle that he wants for a Texas ranch he is planning on buying.
The AI judge was asked about the fact that controversial radio personality 'shock jock' Howard Stern wants to see about the possibility of replacing him when he quits American Idol at the end of this season.
Cowell laughed and said that he had heard that rumor but that as far as he is concerned he would not want Howard Stern to even work as a janitor on the show.
When asked why, Cowell smiled and asked "Why?"
Well for one thing, he would probably have Ellen (DeGeneres) and Kara (DioGuardi) crying within the first five minutes of meeting them. He would no doubt make some smart ass remark about Kara being under-developed in the bosom category.
Howard would then probably ask Ellen how it feels to be a 'guy' without a wiener.
Stern would no doubt ask Randy (Jackson) if he knows that the only reason that American Idol producers hired him was because they thought that he was the other Randy Jackson (Michael's bro).
Simon then turned to Ryan Seacrest and said that there is no doubt in his mind that Stern would probably also have Seaboy crying within five minutes if not sooner.
Cowell said that Stern already knows that Seacrest is very sensitive and he cannot take any jokes about the size of his little peterelli.
Simon laughed and confessed that an unnamed but highly reliable source has said that the small size of Ryan and Jon's peckies (dickypoos) could make them brothers except for the fact that Ryan is not Korean, he doesn't have all kinds of skanky looking ex-girlfriends, and he has no idea how to eat with chopsticks.
In a non-related story. Kanye West performed in the independent Africa country of Loombeezi before a disappointing crowd of only 27 people. One of the 27 was a reporter for 'Hip Hop Hoppin' Monthly' who said that the crowd kept shouting out for Kanye to sing songs by Taylor Swift.
