USA Hockey Steals Canada's Coffee and Crullers

Written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 22 February 2010

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Enacting their pre-game strategy in advance of the long awaited Olympic hockey match up between Team Canada and Team USA, the young Americans stole team Canada's coffee and donut crullers just prior to the game.

The loss of the pre-game "Coffee and cruller" ritual was enough of a psychological edge to carry Team USA on to victory, solidifying their position in the upcoming medal round of play. Though no one was willing to take credit or blame for the underhanded stunt, Canada Coach Mike Babcock was clearly miffed about the coffee theft in the post game press conference. "How do you expect us to play our best without a cruller or two, eh?"

Indeed. Team Canada seemed to fall apart in the third period, just about the time when the caffeine and carbs from the donuts would be kicking in. Fans were disappointed as well, offering to run out to Tim Horton's between the second and third period for a 12 pack of crullers to go.

In the end, Team Canada admitted they did not play their best game but that they would be ready for the medal round. Coach Babcock told the press, "I'll bring in the latte's and jelly filled for the finals, then we'll see who kicks who's ass."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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