As Manchester City's form continues to plummet, a desperate Roberto Mancini has pleaded for help from the public to be on the lookout for his AWOL striker, Carlos Tevez.
Luckily for him, the public have responded with comments on the website he has set up, www.wherea-the-fucka-is-teveza.com detailing sightings of the Argentine striker.
A Mrs E Windsor claims she saw him in Gibraltar while she was on holiday.
Her comment reads - 'He was sat on a rock, enjoying some fresh fruit, staring out to sea and enjoying the winter sun.... Then all of a sudden he started beating his chest, made some strange whooping noises before he crouched down, took a shit and threw it at a group of tourists'
The next entry is from a Mr B Johnson of Islington who reckons he saw him in London.
His comment reads - 'He was looking really pensive as he sat there taking a warming drink. Perhaps waiting to meet Carlo Ancelotti in the top secret London zoo location, to discuss a shock return to London and help Chelsea's Premier League charge.... Then all of a sudden he started beating his chest, made some strange whooping noises before he crouched down, took a shit and threw it through the bars of his cage, hitting a small child who was eating an ice cream.'
A Mr D Attenborough gives a more convincing account of a sighting in South America.
'I was making a film in the rain forests of Peru, when, there in the distance I spotted the enigmatic Argentinean goal scorer relaxing with his family.... Then all of a sudden he started beating his chest, made some strange whooping noises before he crouched down, took a shit and threw it at the my cameraman. So we beat him to death with a stick and barbecued the little fucker.'
A Mr P Kay makes the most outrageous claim suggesting he saw him at the Brits last week.
'He was sat at a table, enjoying the musical extravaganza and laughing at the hilarious jokes that the compere was telling. All of a sudden he climbed up on stage, grabbed a microphone, started singing a rendition of Angels before he crouched down, took a shit and threw it at his screaming fans in the front row of the audience....... Oh sorry think I've posted this on the wrong website. I meant to go to www.lameroutineaboutRobbieWilliamslookinglikeamonkeynotthecrapCarlosTevezone.web'
If you see Carlos Tevez please let Mr Mancini know asap. He really is worried about the well-being of Carlos and doesn't care that he'll lose his job at the end of the season if City finish outside the top four.
