If Barack Of Arabia Ain't A Muslim, I Will Eat Your Burqa
Now that Barack of Arabia has declared that Islam is officially a religion that should be respected as such by Americans; not a dedicated terrorist organization operating under the guise of religion, perhaps we should resist the urge to ask him for h...
Read full story43 Year-Old Man Confused, Saddened By Billboard Charts
"From the time I was 7, until about 5 years ago, I knew every damned song on these Charts," says an unidentified, but middle-agey-handsome man. "Now, I look at them and wonder, 'is this the list of popular American songs?" And so, another person w...
Read full storyHogjaw, Arkansas extends invitation to Sex Party to Manchester City
HOGJAW, ARKANSAS (ABSNN) -- Francois Cardinal Dubois, S.J. famed RC prelate, and the banjo player from the movie "Deliverance," has been chosen Grand Marshall of the 150th Anniversary Parade through Hogjaw, Arkansa, formerly Tallapoosa, Georgia. The...
Read full storyHammer & Sickle crop circle appears on Dr David Kelly death spot
Oxfordshire - (Cereal Killer News): The 200ft diameter crop circle sprang up overnight in a barley field abutting Harrowdown Hill. The intricate design features the old USSR logo and the trademark crossed fingers talisman of the Soviet Union's for...
Read full storyGod to Michael Douglas: Throat Cancer or Cancel 'Wall Street' Sequel; You Decide.
Jesus H. Christ, speaking for God, has made a shocking announcement, in light of Oscar-winner Michael Douglas' sad diagnosis of throat cancer. "My Father has decided that We will noy sit idly by," said Christ, 38, while speaking at a dress rehears...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner and Mel Gibson's Ex-Future Wife Oksana Grigorieva Seen Flirting At A Russian Restaurant in Rancho Cucamonga
RANCHO CUCAMONGA, California - Taylor Lautner, aka Jacob Black in The Twilight Saga series, was seen dining with Mel Gibson's ex-future wife Oksana Grigorieva, at one of the fanciest Russian Restaurants in Rancho Cucamonga. The happy couple was fl...
Read full storyHog Jaw Daily News - Star International Writers Convene In Hog Jaw
Hog Jaw, Arkansas, Tuesday - Mayor Humphrey Dumpty today took a break from his day job of running the five and dime to welcome a famous internet satirist and some British 'bloke' to the town airstrip, where they were flown in by Edson Bugler in his c...
Read full storyMel "From Hell" Gibson Is At It Again - Calls Britney Spears A Fake Blonde, Has-Been, Lip Syncher
MALIBU BEACH - It appears that the Aussie bad boy aka Mel from Hell just keeps sticking his foot in his 'down under mouth.' The Australian whose 'out of control' viciously vulgar rants and scatologically smutty raves directed at his ex-future wife...
Read full storyPak's whining politicians demand 'more international aid' while refusing aid from India
For a nation that has always bragged about its sovereignty; claimed it wants 'peaceful relations with its neighbors; accused India of not being 'big enough to be more charitable' towards it and pontificating at large about its peaceful credentials ,...
Read full storyWhen Dumb Actors Say Dumb Stuff: The Elisabeth Rohm Story
For 37 year-old German-born actress Elisabeth Röhm, her mercurial transformation from her role as Dorf on "One Life To Live", to believable turns as a police detective (Kate Lockey on "Angel") and as an A.D.A. (Serena Southerlyn in "Law & Order")...
Read full storyReal Bert And Ernie To Marry In San Francisco
Not only are Bert and Ernie gay, so are their voices! Although denied by PBS for many years now, the two puppets, Bert & Ernie are finally ending the rumors by getting married this week in California. Not only that, but their voices, Sammy...
Read full storyKristen Stewart , Dev Patel To Do Remake Of "Spellbound"?
Kristen Stewart who went to India and Bollywood to make a different type of movie than the Twilight role of Isabella, has landed the leading lady role in the remake of "Spellbound", the old romantic thriller, according to a Source we have there. A...
Read full storySuper dollar to supper dollar, just add grapes
Those amazing scientists have done it again. Dr Smitch Cumstein and his team have developed their latest super food, known as "Grape on Dollar", this food or 'elixir' can not only provide you with the exact minimum you can eat, but costs from just $1...
Read full storyRonnie takes the Reins at Pupilless Primary ...
The headship of pupilless primary school 'Capel Iwan' near Newcastle Emlyn in Carmarthenshire was offered today to Mrs. Veronica Smart of Brechfa. Mrs Smart (52) formally accepted the position and said: 'I can't wait to start work! I very much intend to put my own stamp on the establishment. I'll be implementing some fairly radical changes as well as putting in place some new objectives that...
Read full storyMany Mumbai slumdogs 'hovels' are actually marble-floored, air-conditioned, 5-star designer dwellings!
Anyone who thinks all Mumbai slumdogs live in shit-infested hovels will be in for a big surprise. While on the outside the slums maintain their decrepit, stinky, smelly, fetid appearance - the inside tells a whole different story. Mumbai boasts s...
Read full story98-year old US man who made history after his 5,000th trip on roller coaster thought he was "lost" after being dumped by his family who had no healthcare plan.
Round and round and round he went. A total of 100 times in a day. By the time the ride shut down - 98 year old Abe Rounder had set a world record: A lifteime total of 5000 rides on thee roller coaster. As ride officials helped the haggard &...
Read full storyWhite House: President Obama is a Republican
Washington DC - After months of speculation, White House press-secretary Robert Gibbs revealed today that President Obama is actually a Republican. Democrats across the country were shocked and amazed. The revelation came after several incidents w...
Read full storyGenetic Freak Found To Have Two Arse Holes
Swindon, Wilts - UK - Doctors are baffled (copyright:rentacliche.con) as to why Swindon man and self-confessed genetic freak Lazlo O'Grady was born with two arse holes. It appears that Lazlo O'Grady has one arse hole for the usual designated funct...
Read full storyUK taxpayers incensed with having to foot 12-million pounds Pope entourage bills
OK all you bankrupt Brits get ready for the Pope Ratfinker Road show - A modern day Nero with his Circus-Maximus troupe. Replete with all the ceremonial hogwash, glittering frippery and regalia and an entourage of blood-sucking, hangers-on. Your...
Read full storyGhost of nude fat Elvis seen by fans at Graceland vigil
Thousands of Elvis fans from all over the world have thronged in Memphis to attend the annual candlelight vigil and procession. This year marks the 33rd anniversary of the American singing icon's death. Elvis Aaron was 42 years old when he died a...
Read full storyAbbey Clancy Says She'll Take Peter Crouch Back If He Promises To Stop Doing His Robot Dance
Pretty vulnerable scouse TV personality Abbey Clancy has told friends that she's prepared to give 'sex pest' fiance Peter Crouch a third chance (he had a second chance last week) - providing he stops doing his 'robot dance' in nightclubs. This lat...
Read full storyBurka Burning Mommas and Burkinis at The Ramadan Inn
Early this evening the United States announced that they will be opening a military base across the street from Mecca. This brand new facility will be home to Americas' latest fleet of aircrafts and helicopters. Short range missiles armed with nuclea...
Read full storyPart #6: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date:
Part #6: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date: 10. Shorthand was invented by a monk in the 16th century who actually had no hands, but wrote with his penis. 9. The earliest computers were so large that their vacuum tubes were the size of a railroad car. 8. In 2009, the checker champion of Heavenly Acres Nursing Home, Larry Putt, had to relinquish his title after steroids were present in h...
Read full storySmegma Falls, Idaho; Still World's Worst Named City
Reuteers News Wire - Failing to pass a city wide vote and change its name to "Odiferous Valley", the modest town of Smegma Falls, Idaho, will still hold onto its title of "World's Worst Named City" as tallied by independent audit firm of Harold Bawls...
Read full storyPresident Obama and Daughter Sasha Go Swimming In The Gulf of Mexico To Show That The Oil Is Gone
PANAMA CITY, Florida - President Obama, the "First Mama" Michelle, and one of the "First Kiddoes" Sasha were vacationing in the Florida panhandle town of Panama City. The president wanted to show that the Gulf of Mexico is safe to swim in. So he h...
Read full storyLurid Three In The Bed Romp 'A Misunderstanding'
Barry Tattersall, 39 of Leicestershire, claimed today that pictures exposing his three in a bed romp with a middle aged woman and a teenage girl, were a simple misunderstanding. Tattersall, an electrician with aspirations of moving into local poli...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Bumps His Head On Cupboard Door - Kristen Stewart Distraught
Twilight fans the world over awoke to a living nightmare this morning as news leaked out that tousle haired Robert Pattinson - Edward Cullen, the fiendishly hunky vampire out of the Twilight saga - last night bumped his head on a cupboard door in his...
Read full storySteven Gerrard 'A Bit Nervous' Say Friends
Close friends of Liverpool and England skipper Steven Gerrard revealed to Skoob Sports News this morning that Stevie G appeared to be 'a bit nervous.' One source confided that Stevie was 'on edge' as he took delivery of the daily papers, which he...
Read full storyEmma and JJ Argue
Emma and JJ have argued after he claimed she wanted the prize money for "stupid things". Whilst speaking to Dave and Steve, JJ said "I think Sam and Em want the prize money to just blow it. For just completely stupid things. Not so much Em but Sam...
Read full storySexy Mix Up in UK Hospital
The Department of Health has announced the end of mixed sexy wards in Hospitals. 'We can no longer tolerate the behaviour we have discovered on some wards' declared the Mininister of Health as he took another gasp at his cigarette 'we are open minded...
Read full storyLast Frights for Zsa Zsa
Hollywood - (Final Sunset News): The Queen of Outer Space star has had a jolly good rubdown with embalming oils and other holy unguents. Holed up in the Bernard Madoff Ponzi Wing of the Ronald Reagan UCLA medical centre Ms Gabor is said to be feel...
Read full storyDe Beers Riddle Solved
The answer to the riddle of why De Beers was targeted in an audacious raid by thieves has been met with incredulity by the Police. They had assumed they were after a super-cool gang. The truth is that some lads got a bit lost in London, after havi...
Read full story"Rent the Coliseum, Bring the Lions, It's Pay Back Time!?"
Senator Mitch McConnell and House minority leader John Boehner held a joint news conference today to denounce President Obama and his comments regarding the constitutional rights of Muslims to build a Mosque in NYC. "Death to the infidels," both said...
Read full storyHells Angels Called in to Restore Peace on Jersey Shore
Things have gotten so out of hand on the Jersey Shore, what with Snooki and now co-Jerseyite, Ronnie, getting arrested for what the producers call "behavioral issues," that the Hells Angels New York chapter has had to step in to keep the Jersey gang...
Read full storyDavid Cameron's Blood To Be Highlighted
David Cameron was reading a report at a committee meeting in the House of Commons and mentioned that he liked how some words had been highlighted in a new colour as it certainly got his attention when reading and discussing the relevant parts in the...
Read full storyDating guidelines released
A new Government department aimed at reducing the amount of single people in the country has today released a guideline of do's and dont's when out on a first date. Mr S Shady, Minister for Demographics, said "Our department has been given the tas...
Read full storyWedding Aftermath
Titles are added to someone's name to reveal certain qualifications for performance. In other words, we use them to impress other people. Anyway, it is acceptable provided the advertised achievements are properly sanctioned. A hen, with newly hatched chicks, ruffles her feathers so that she is not taken as a birdie; she's larger than life. No one objects to this custodianship. We can...
Read full storyPreviously unknown Lowry picture found in Salford Attic
A couple from Salford are celebrating as a painting they found in their attic was recently authenticated as the last picture ever painted by L.S. Lowry, and has been valued at a staggering twelve million pounds. "We were staggered, we were, weren...
Read full storyAngelina 'Baboon Labia' Jolie in elective lips surgery ahead of Marilyn movie role
Hollywood - (Snip & Tuck): The Oscar winning actress is to undergo a radical facial makeover ahead of starring in author Andrew O'Hagan's The Life and Opinions of Maf the Dog, and of His Friend Marilyn Monroe. Seedy Sign-Eye Rhinoplasty Clinic...
Read full storyClegg in charge
Nick Clegg, deputy Prime Minister and Liberal Democrat leader, has taken over the top job from David Cameron who is on holiday. It is the first time a Liberal has been acting as Prime Minister since 1922 so these are historic days. Formerly called...
Read full storyObama not to Swim in the River Ganges, after all!
Washington, DC: US President Obama has no intention of swimming up the River Ganges in a show of solidarity with Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, sources in the White House have stated. A certain source from the Prime Ministers' Office in Ind...
Read full storySenator Lautenberg and wife in threesome with Lady Gaga
New Jersey Democrat Frank Lautenberg and his wife were seen at a fund raiser with porn star and part-time singer Lady Gaga. The 86 year old first met the celebrity after demanding to be taken to one of her concerts. "I heard so much about her on m...
Read full story'Jersey Shore's' Ronnie Busted For Impersonating an Italian, Parking Tickets
"Jersey Shore" cast member Ronnie Ortiz-Magro was taken in to custody by Seaside Heights PD this morning, because of warrants for unpaid parking tickets, as well as unlawfully impersonating a Italian. N.J.S.A. 2c:13-1(a)-(d) provides as follows:...
Read full storyTila Tequila Says She Was Viciously Attacked At An Illinois Concert Because The Crowd of Juggalos Did Not Like Her Song "Hey Punk Kiss My Junk In The Trunk"
HARDIN COUNTY, Illinois - Tila Tequila showed up at Hardin County's Corn-On-The-Cob Coliseum expecting to do her 55 minute show, collect her $3,000, go back to her hotel room, and party. Well it did not quite work out that way. The skinny little F...
Read full storyEat Pray Love? Pow Pow Pow!
That was the no-holds-barred approach taken by Sylvester Stallone, facing a box office challenge over the weekend. His action flick, "The Expendables," turned out to be U. S. box office champ, grossing an estimated $35 million. The weekend tak...
Read full storyBlackBerry bugs India
New Delhi (India): The Canadian Blackberry has made several Indian politicians scream blue murder, even as the Indian stock markets begin resembling a half-sozzled cowboy in a Texas rodeo. It all began when the Indian Farmer's Cooperative discovered...
Read full storyCock up as City sign Latest Strikers - Kidd n Platt in 'Utd spy' storm
Eastlands - Storm brews between United and City as Mancini signs latest strikers - Kidd n Platt in 'Utd Drive-By Spy Buy'. With the shock announcement by Unite of more industrial action at BAA Airports during the August bank holiday weekend, Manc...
Read full storyBlackpool FC Move Into Champions League Spot
Premier League newboys Blackpool clearly stated their intentions at the weekend when they crushed a limp-wristed Wigan Athletic 4-0 in their opening match of the campaign, and, in so doing, put themselves in a great position to claim a Champions Leag...
Read full storyTravel Channel Offers Michelle Obama Her Own Show
First Lady Michelle Obama has seen a drop in her approval rating, largely due to her trip to Spain where she and her entourage enjoyed luxurious accommodations. Conservative pundits have called her a modern-day Marie Antoinette for taking such an ext...
Read full storyAmerican Political Leaders Meet in Philadelphia Pennsylvania
Philadelphia PA: Every year at midnight on the 4th of July, an old wives tale relates that several distinguished gentlemen gather at the American Eagle Ale House to discuss politics and consume tankards of ale. This year 2010 was no exception as...
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