Written by walter

Monday, 16 August 2010

Titles are added to someone's name to reveal certain qualifications for performance. In ‎other words, we use them to impress other people. Anyway, it is acceptable provided the ‎advertised achievements are properly sanctioned.‎

A hen, with newly hatched chicks, ruffles her feathers so that she is not taken as a ‎birdie; she's larger than life. No one objects to this custodianship. ‎

We can somehow trace the origin of titles. It dates back to 3000-4000 year ago when ‎various people, on behalf of Jehovah, God or Allah, told us that God demands our ‎humble respect. Additionally, we were taught not to share this reverence with anyone ‎else which wrathfully turns God against us; and we're admonished to fully watch our ‎language when we use his name. At the same time, we are told that God created us in ‎his own image. ‎

In Greek mythology, we learn that the Titans, also known as the elder gods, ruled the ‎earth before the Olympians. Based on available vas paintings, these gods more or less ‎looked like us, or rather, they were created in our image. ‎

As to contemporary titles, to certain extent, we need to have some information about a ‎physician's qualifications: MD, DC, D.O., DDS, DMD, O.D., DPM, DVM. Since a degree ‎from a prestigious school was once a real achievement, we still put high values on ‎doctoral degrees. ‎

In certain cultures, people are so obsessed with the title that the lack of which can cause ‎a terrible feeling. A person without a title is like a fish out of water-a nostalgia that takes ‎him back to the good old days when monarchs sold titles. Fortunately, not all doors are ‎closed yet. A middle-aged jerry-builder who uses an 'X' on his checks, can go visit ‎Mecca to earn a much sought after title 'Haji', meaning a pilgrim to Mecca. Thereafter, ‎yesterday's Hassan becomes today's 'Haj Hassan' which gives great comfort to the ‎illiterate Hassan, the Jerry Builder. Another alternative, for Hassan was to accept a ‎ministerial job and thus automatically receive the doctoral title according to the existing ‎laws.‎

Obtaining empty certificates can truly serve such a nation, not in terms of employment ‎but in terms of matrimony. For instance, Fatima goes to an institute for higher education ‎to earn an empty degree to top her dowry with it, and Hussein, the male, goes to college ‎to earn a so-called bachelor's degree, after 16 terms, to assist his parents to win the ‎bargaining battle at the proposal time. Of course, Hussein, due to full unemployed, gets ‎his pocket money from his daddy. ‎

The aftermath: In the legendary morning, after the wedding, both sides feel betrayed. ‎Fatima, the bride, who firmly safeguarded her virtue up to the night before feels badly ‎messy and thus angrily protests: ‎

Wish you could've spent a few 'unit hours', in addition to your scholarly school ‎record, with me before the wedding so that I could appraise the tolerable ‎threshold of halitosis, body odor, civility, snoring, farting and above all your ‎natural tendencies for conjugational positions.‎

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more