Secretive Asian Man mistaken for MI6 operative
This morning a fairly secretive Asian man was mistaken for an MI6 operative. The man was was attacked and had his Aston Martin vandalized after locals in the Wackbury area of London mistook him for a Secret Agent Man. David Somerset, an investm...Read full story
Lassie Leaves Timmy Down The Well
Through an interpreter (the Dog Whisperer), Lassie has informed local police the she has no plans to tell them which well Timmy is in. The famous collie, who has saved the boy from caves, fires, storms, lions, wolves, bears, snakes, wells, collapsin...Read full story
Squat toilets and no lav paper in malls; halal-only menus in primary schools. Saying "To Hell with Religion" Brit Atheists protest the Muslimization of Britain
LONDONISTAN- They don't call it that for nothing. Britain's abject failure to get many of its Muslim immigrants to assimilate into the greater culture is now taking its toll on regular ole Brits. First it was a local council agreeing to squat t...Read full story
New rues of engagement in Afghanistan
In order to protect the civilian population in Afghanistan, General Patreus has Re-issued American forces with paint ball guns. "I will not tolerate Civilian casualties," he was heard ranting and raving in his two thousand dollar a night condo. Ameri...Read full story
Two Words that Will Cost You
For some, it's a nervous tic, for others, a religious imperative, but for one woman, two simple words cost her her life savings. "Looking back I can see I shouldn't have said 'I'm sorry,' but I felt so bad for the girl. I saw her fly off her bik...Read full story
Dateline Hollywood Now that I have your attention: I'll be doing a in depth look, into the recent vagina craze, exploding all over the world. Sydney, Tokyo, London, Paris and New York are all throbbing over, labia majora furniture, inter, outer and upper lip, snack cakes, "peekachoo art shows" held in, kurslopus art gallries. Groups are banding together, bowing to alters of The Femme Fatale,...Read full story
The Three Kardashian Sisters To Battle Gabourey Sidibe, Niecy Nash, and Aretha Franklin In The New Reality Show "Battle of The Big Ass Butts"
HOLLYWOOD - From the producers of American Idol, America's Got Talent, and Dancing With The Adulterous Cheaters comes a new physically challenging reality show Battle of The Big Ass Butts. America's Got Talent Producer Wyatt McViolin told The Nati...Read full story
Japan's bogus claim. 'Oldest living people' have been dead for decades!
TOKYO: For decades Japan has held the title for longevity. So-called studies have told us that the average lifespan for both men and women in Japan ranges from age 85-89 with thousands in the 110-years plus category. Boffins have conducted spe...Read full story
JJJJJ and Jo it's so confusing
In the Big Brother house all is not as it seems. It may always have been this way but now it appears to be very odd. Salt & Pepper has entered the house and is causing uproar. Talking straight and ruffling a few feathers he has them all dead set against him. Now, he has managed, by sheer ingenuity, to prevent 4 of his fiercest critics nominating him for eviction next week. I guess he should...Read full story
Sandra "The Kissing Bandit" Bullock Replies "No!" When Asked If She Would Like To Kiss Whoopi Goldberg
AUSTIN - Sandra Bullock was sitting on the backyard deck of her Austin, Texas mansion when she was asked if she had kissed any women lately. Bullock blushed and said that she had not but that she had really been thinking a lot about it since her l...Read full story
California Voters Happy They've Been Disenfranchised
California residents and voters are happy that they have been disenfranchised. They say that their government, who they have elected, must obviously know more about what they want and need than they do. A few years ago, the California Legislature...Read full story
Banks' worrying message
As Bank after Bank declares how profitable they are and the economic recovery looks fairly certain the Coalition Government is becoming increasingly worried. 'What has become of the economic disaster left by the previous Government?' moaned Chance...Read full story
Lindsay Lohan's New Movie "Inferno: A Linda Lovelace Story" Expected To Really Suck In The Movie Goers, Ah Make That Bring In The Movie Goers
HOLLYWOOD - Lindsay Lohan, the ex-con has finally made a movie. After going for two years without appearing in a film, the little lost girl known as LiLo will be portraying the very talented Linda Lovelace in Matthew Wilder's Inferno: A Linda Lovelac...Read full story
Mark Lowton Upset No Writers Show Up To Conference
Mark Lowton, the owner and editor of The Spoof, an on-line humour magazine, scheduled a conference for this year for all of the Spoof Writers living in a geographic area. Invitations were mailed, hotel reservations were made, entertainment was booke...Read full story
Sony releases new 'super slim' PS3 model
Sony has announced the release of a new iteration of the Playstation 3 that comes with a number of 'essential' changes. First of all, the controller will drop the motion sensing and vibration technology, as well as a few joysticks. An official Son...Read full story
California Gay Couples Say They Want Marriage For One Reason
Gay couples in California are cheering their opportunity to once again tie the knot. They say that they are happy for the ability to be married and live as husband and husband (or wife and wife). Their happiness, however, has been tempered by one r...Read full story
Al Megrahi loses driving license after being caught speeding...again!
Abdelbaset Ali Mohmed Al Megrahi, the man accused of the Lockerbie bombing, was banned from driving yesterday after being caught speeding AGAIN! Megrahi was driving his Ferrari home from a charity sky-dive last month when he was pulled over by pol...Read full story
Another Dangerous Kiddie Lemonade Stand Shut Down
Thank goodness for over-zealous food inspectors. Without them, we might buy the occasional glass of home-made lemonade from some kid who makes it in their mother's kitchen out of real lemons and sugar. Oh the horror! This past week, one such lemon...Read full story
Babes bare boobs at US Testicle Festival
ROCK CREEK, MONTANA: And you thought Americans were so "full" of family values they wouldn't say shit if their mouths were full of it! For a nation whose popular media regularly bleeps swear words and inserts asterisks even where it isn't neces...Read full story
'Power' Video is Vintage Kanye West, But With 50% More Suck!
Kanye West's "Power" music video debuted on MTV yesterday, after a new episode of "Guidos Gone Wild". And it sucked ass. "Power" is the first single from West's upcoming "Mom? Speak To Me. MOM!" album. And since last Monday, Kanye teased all...Read full story
Brown goes crazy
London, England. Former UK Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, plans to apear naked atop Nelson's Column in Trafalgar Square. The former premier claims that the stunt will be his final act of retribution for his electoral loss several months ago. Brown,...Read full story
AOL Disk Collecting: What Middle-Aged Virgins Do With Their Free Time
For those who couldn't get a girl to touch their genitals if a key to a Porsche dangled from their nuts, filling up the free time between waking up in their parents' basement and whacking off to fall asleep becomes Job One. And a new hobby may fill t...Read full story
Hollywood star, Ocker hunk, X-Man and manicurists nightmare, Hugh Jackman has chanced upon a wicked ruse to stay forever toned and fit in the eyes of his adoring fans. Rather than sweat his pocket rocket off at some celebrity ridden gym he prefers...Read full story
Lockerbie Bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi: Is He Faking Cancer?
US health experts have been meeting today to discuss the case of Lockerbie bomber Abdelbaset al-Megrahi who was recently released from prison in Scotland after he was diagnosed as suffering from terminal prostate cancer - but there are now doubts ove...Read full story
Obama Kicks Ass! Orders Taxpayers to "Trust My Government" Or Else!
After 18 months of being 'dazed & confused', President Barry Obamsky came out swinging today ordering his Attorney General to 'kick some ass' and start charging dissident taxpayers with 'hate crimes' for exposing government mismanagement and inc...Read full story
Jesse James and Mel Gibson Both Agree That They Would Like To Pop Prince Poppycock
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Noted he-men Jesse "Dick With Feet" James and Mel "From Hell" Gibson were both asked what they thought about America's Got Talent opera singing transvestite Prince Poppycock. James said that he/she sure is pretty and one of the mo...Read full story
Judge Denies Rent Boy Accusation
Judge Bishop was caught in a compromising situation after a police helicopter flying overhead with a thermal camera, measuring the temperature of people's roofs, found his emitting a large amount of heat. This often means the house is being used as a...Read full story
Secret Vatican moves to buy Aleister Crowley's Sicilian love nest
Palermo, Sicily - (Beastly News): Located at 666 Via Dolorosa, Cefalu, the whitewashed villa is notorious for having hosted the 1920 wedding of the Queen Mother and Pope Pius XII - then Archbishop Eugenio Pacelli. The occult initiatrix and her ec...Read full story
Wisconsin Teachers blame 'lay offs' On Refusal to Prescribe Viagra In Benifits Package!
A teachers union in Madison, WI, has blamed county officials for 'lay offs' as the officials have denied prescription drugs for erectile dysfunction as part of the free health care plan in the Union Contract costing almost $1m per year! The educa...Read full story
Angelina Jolie Punched Hard In Eye & Nose
Actress Angelina Jolie was given a full-fisted nose punch and then one in the eye this past week! The culprit? Her daughter, two-year-old Shiloh. Although "No comment" was the only answer we reporters got when we asked about the bruised eye and...Read full story
Laden wont surrender claims Aide
Ridiculous,was the least strong word hissed out by Al Al Pazi, who claims to be a close aide of the fugitive in hiding,the much dreaded Osama Bin Laden. Rubbishing the news that was flashed a few days back that being sick and tired of eating raw t...Read full story
Hitler Was not Anti Semitic claims his twin sister
Strange as it may seem but this is true. According to Ms Anita Weismyeur Ottawenheimer, who claims to be the twin sister of the much hated Adolf Hitler, he was not at all anti Semitic when they lived in Austria during their adulthood. Ms Ottawen...Read full story
Democrats & Republicans Merge To Form Evil Empire Party
During their 6 week recess, Democratic and Republican leaders have agreed to form one Evil Empire Party that will take over this fall. "We just felt it was easier for the public to listen to one evil organization rather than have to pick one, whic...Read full story
Dumb Community Offended By Term "Smart Phone"
Rosco Jennings has been told he is not smart since he was 5 years old. Now in his 30's Jennings faces ridicule from friends and family each day he uses his "smart phone" "Everyone always says, hey it's pretty ironic that an idiot like you is usin...Read full story
Isle of Wight Story Leaves Dorset Man 'Broken'
A Dorset man was said to be 'beside himself' today after suffering a massive personal loss, after a horrific accident. The accident occurred last night, at about 10:30pm in his local public house. Gesticulating wildly whilst telling a rather slurr...Read full story
Soupathon 2010 Kicks Off
Once every decade sport graces us with the birth of a star. One who stands out and up to the rest. An artisan of his game, a man amongst men, names like Pele, Mohamed Ali, Njinsky, St Ellens come to mind. The Soupathon 2010 promises to give birth to...Read full story
Islamic Muslim Shariah Problem
Political correctness is truly taking over our once great country. You can't even be non black and shout the 'N' word as you usually would without being accused of being a 'racist' anymore as residents in Stoke on Trent sadly discovered. We also see our entire once great culture and heritage being stripped from us. The former labour government didn't stop at letting foreigners have jobs but con...Read full story
Naomi Campbell Stuns Hague Court In Charles Taylor Blood Diamond Trial
The global fashionista press were mightily impressed by Naomi Campbell's appearance at the war crimes trial of Liberian trouble maker Charles Taylor. Fending off allegations that she had received 'blood diamonds' as a personal gift from the man re...Read full story
Justin Bieber To Marry Robert Pattinson In Civil Ceremony?
With Joe McElderry, the X-Factor winner as best man? This according to a so-called Skoob Entertainment News 'source.' Here in the office our first reaction was one of utter disbelief. Looking at the headline, it swiftly became obvious that some jo...Read full story
BlackBerry Family Expecting, iPads Say SO WHAT
Rumor is that the new addition will be called the BlackPad and will arrive in November. It'll be a tablet computer to compete with the Apple iPad and will be offered for sale by Research In Motion (the company that also sells the BlackBerry). iPa...Read full story
Japan Marks Hiroshima Atom Bomb Anniversary
The Japanese city of Hiroshima has marked the 65th anniversary of the world's first atomic bomb attack, with, for the very first time, a representative of the United States attending the celebrations. About 140,000 people were killed, or died with...Read full story
Rastafarian Rats Raid Reno
Sparks, Nevada. Locals always wondered what the Revlon employees did at the factory building next to the old Harrah's Auto collection museum. The building has no windows and the employees, friendly enough, always said they were under contract not...Read full story
PC Basil Fawlty 'smashed OAP driver's window and dragged him out of car'
Usk, Monmouthshire - In scenes reminiscent of Fawlty Towers, when the short-fused hotelier Basil Fawlty thrashed a British Leyland Allegro with a bush, PC Basil Fawlty chased an old and senile Major Gowen, a World War Veteran Officer for 17 minutes a...Read full story
NFL To Begin Using Microchip-Implanted Footballs.
Certain sport news agencies, including the one that allows LeBron James to write his own news stories, is reporting that the NFL will be using footballs with microchips inside, in order to prevent blown calls by officials. The microchips will hel...Read full story
Tavares, Florida Blames Model Fernanda Tavares for Lawsuit by Peruvian Woman
City officials in Tavares, Florida are claiming that their legal woes in the false arrest lawsuit filed by a Peruvian woman are the direct result of the City's overly strict ban on swimsuit attire due to an effort to distance themselves from Brazilia...Read full story
Isle of Wight News - Excitement at Record Levels
Newport - Tourism Director Terrence Knight was excited to announce results of an excitement poll today indicating that excitement here on the island is at record levels." "I am sure I can speak for all islanders that this is the most exciting news we have had in some time now." While the poll indicates that excitement is at high levels no indication was given as to what was behind all the ex...Read full story
Major changes with the USDA
The USDA announced today that in order to counter the racial tension brought on by the firing then rehiring of a black Agriculture Department employee, they have fired all white people and black people. "There, are you happy now?" one fired employee...Read full story
Isle Of Wight Stories - Orlando Puckerbum
Orlando Puckerbum is 46 years old. He lives in Ryde. This is his story - in his own words. For me, one day is pretty much the same as the next. I know exactly how most of it will develop, and it rarely changes. Nothing radical anyway. Just tiny differences. Subtle ones. Like what I have for breakfast. It's almost always Corn Flakes or Weetabix, but sometimes I change it, just to keep myself...Read full story
Solar Tsunami Responsible for Higher Incidence of Sneezing Around World
While scientists can say for sure that large solar flares can cause disruptions in electronic devices such as satellite signals and cell phone reception, they are less sure of how the flares can affect humans. The latest solar flare, one of the st...Read full story
Tooth fairy leaves blood diamond under Naomi Campbell's pillow
Superbitch Naomi Campbell told the international criminal court in the Hague how, after a charity dinner with Nelson Mandela (peace be upon him), she found a "dirty big stone" under the pillow in her hotel suite, which turned out to be a blood diamon...Read full story