Part #10: Factual Facts To Impress Your Date'
Part #10: 'Factual Facts To Impress Your Date' #10. Before George Washington became President, the last president in the land of America was 300 years earlier, called Hosteen Wahoo, leader of the Long Penis People! #9. Because of mysterious dreams he had experienced all his life, Saddam Hussein used to tell his friends and family, "One day my neck will be a foot long!" #8. Ironically eno...Read full story
Spencer Pratt Buys Heidi Montag A Stripper's Pole
MALIBU BEACH - Spencer Pratt, the soon-to-be ex-husband of Heidi Montag, aka "The Plastic Woman" said that he is still currently shopping around that highly intimate sex tape that he made of him and Heidi. Pratt said that Heidi calls him everyday...Read full story
Nick Clegg to be sent to Chile to be canary for trapped miners
David Cameron has announced a new strand to his emerging foreign policy. In an attempt to foster relations with Latin America - he has sent his deputy, Nick Clegg, to be used by the trapped Chilean miners to check for areas which might be contaminate...Read full story
"The Iguana Secret Shall Stay Secret" Says David Cameron
It has been officially announced tonight by an unnamed Downing Street Source that the much speculated upon "Iguana Secret" shall be staying secret for many years to come. It was thought that the records regarding the subject were to be declassified...Read full story
Senator John Edwards Says He Is So Lonely He Would Even Date Ann Coulter
BOSTON - North Carolina Senator John Edwards was in Boston speaking before a gathering of The Boston Bean Growers of Massachusetts. The senator appeared to look quite depressed and rather distant. He was asked if he felt okay. He nodded and sai...Read full story
Stench: Chapter 4
Chapter 4 After locating the book Sebastian had a few days left on the island and was intent on gathering the ingredients for his cheesecake. I don't imagine you have any idea how difficult it is to watch a person waste three days looking for ingredients to a centuries old recipe. The best way to describe it is that it's similar to having the enamel scraped from your teeth while listening to Ca...Read full story
Extreme Makeover, Oval Office Edition
WASHINGTON, DC - On President Barack Hussein Obama's first day back in the office from his tenth vacation in three months, he has returned to a freshly redecorated Oval Office with a jungle-theme to make the President feel more at-home. A White Ho...Read full story
Hog Jaw, Arkansas Suffers Devestation At The Hands Of Obama
Lenny Grits, local govenor of Hog Jaw, Arkansas, is said to be 'really p*ssed' at President Obama, and his whole administration. President Obama decided last week to pay a visit to the small backwoods town, to see what all the recent fuss was abou...Read full story
This Time Hurricane Sends Titanic Researchers Away
The crew out to film the Titanic at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean had to scramble this past week but it wasn't over an iceberg, but a hurricane. After some great photography was completed, that will continue once Hurricane Danielle stops sendin...Read full story
Blockbuster Video, 25, Dies After Prolonged Illness
Florida based video rental chain Blockbuster Video, which reinvented the prevailing business model in an industry that did not exist before 1980, has finally passed away, the victim of its own arrogance and refusal to believe that competitors' innov...Read full story
Dragons' Den goes gay
The popular show of raw capitalism "Dragons' Den" is to have a spin off series - with a rather unusual angle. Instead of wannabe investors pitching to the four entrepreneurs for substantial cash in return for equity - a rather more intriguing will be...Read full story
Paris Hilton Claims Miley Cyrus Or Lindsay Lohan Hid Cocaine In Her Purse!
Arrested for the umpteenth time, Paris Hilton told police that she believed that Miley Cyrus put the stuff in her purse. "Or it was that Lohan woman. We all got called in for that fake clinic mess and I set my purse down and those two came in. I t...Read full story
"Classic Double Suicide" Cited After Another Gay Spook found Hanging Off Shower Rod in Hotel, Whilst Bridget the Midget Was On Ice In Mini-Fridge!
In yet another shocking turn of events dealing with UK Intelligence (sic) Agencies, another high level spook has turned up dead with no signs of life in a Tothill area 5 star hotel under somewhat mysterious circumstances. The agent, who can not be...Read full story
Royal Wedding Set For Next August?
Sometimes there are enough rumors going around in the grocery tabloids about something, that it actually is confirmed, catching everyone by surprise, and this seems to be the case of Prince William and Kate Middleton. Not one of the Royal Family h...Read full story
Labour as an STD - Socialism Transmitted Disease.
Can nothing can save Labour's cancer, a canker, a malignant disease worse the Gangrene, such as syphilis since Labour has become an STD - Socialism Transmitted Disease. Labour lost touch with its core constituency many years ago. They no longer re...Read full story
Moody Mandy back from hols
Moody Mandy had a lovely time on holiday with her chums. Writing nasty stories and hurting animals by treading on their heads as they squirmed and then died. But coming back to the realities of life left Mandy in a foul mood. Her favourite story h...Read full story
Snake Oil Spill on DC Mall: Beck & Palin (BP) 2012
As the blogoshere started humming over the prospects of Glenn Beck and Sarah Palin becoming the Republican nominees for President in 2012, reports from the Beck rally on Saturday indicated that not everyone was as enthusiastic as Fox News. Journal...Read full story
So was he shagging Anna Chapman?
London - (The Sting): Pashto speakers in MI6 refuse to be drawn on whether the dead cryptographer's multilingual talents included some tongue-in-cheek shenanigans with flame-haired treasonous KGB operative Anna Chapman. "Don't know and ain't sayin...Read full story
Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Demi Lovato To Record Rihanna's Hit, "I Can Giggle And Wiggle And Fa Shizzle Ma Nizzle"
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Selena Gomez and Demi Lovato were sitting by Miley Cyrus' swimming pool and talking about some future collaborative projects that they have in mind. Miley told the two girls that it has really been a hectic summer for her what wi...Read full story
Morse & The Case of the Purloined Egg Timers and the Man With The Purple Thumb!
Scotland Yard was alerted today after a strange incident on Tothill Street, just mere meters from their headquarters when a visiting sleuth managed to solve a crime right under the noses of the British coppers causing the locals no end of embarrassme...Read full story
Lindsay Lohan Asks "Why Is That Blonde Bitch Paris Hilton Above The Law?"
LAKE TAHOE, Nevada - Lindsay Lohan, the ex-con, was in Lake Tahoe at The Wig Wam Room of The Paiute Papoose Resort Gambling Casino Hotel. She was participating in the hotels annual $1 million purse Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament. Last year LiL...Read full story
White House rose garden rodent spotted stalking Spoof special relationship meet-up
London - (Vermin-in-Ermine News): The furry muroid's May 2010 debut by the Presidential podium sparked widespread rumors of a White House mole. On Saturday evening it was spotted again, this time scuttling past a group of non-aligned transatlanti...Read full story
Shedd Aquarium to Exhibit Asian Carp Exclusively
Chicago's Shedd Aquarium, known for its accuracy in depicting the variety of aquatic life in and around the Great Lakes, will upgrade all fresh water exhibits to feature only Asian Carp. Regretting its former stance in a white paper published in...Read full story
Kristen Stewart Furious At Robert's Attendance at the Emmys
Kristen Stewart, who has just returned from filming a sequence for her new movie "On The Road" down in Argentina, is reportedly furious that Robert Pattinson attended a party last night. Tom Sturridge was heard to have swiftly exited the hideaway...Read full story
Man arrested at Tall Ships in Hartlepool, England - BUT has a crime been committed?
A fortnight ago, or so, (the news was late in arriving at our office) it was confirmed that a visitor to the Parade of Tall Ships in Hartlepool, England, was arrested. He is being held in custody until a charge can be laid. Pages of law books and Hartlepool Bylaws are being perused but, after two weeks, no-one has been able to come across anything like this ever happening before. The, as...Read full story
South Korea Bans Kim Jong il Cameron Diaz Julia Roberts Websites
While Americans have been obsessing over a tiny little baby teeny weeny oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico the Korean Peninsula has been like a nuclear powder keg ready to blow up into Nuclear World War III. World War I was caused by "The shot heard rou...Read full story
Jesus washes his hands to be free of "Christian" label
NEW JURUSALEM (ABSNN) -- Jesus of Nazareth, AKA "The Christ," called a news conference in his tiny Arab hometown today, and like Pontius Pilate, the Roman Governor of Judea who gave The Son of God over to the Christ-Killing Jews, washed his hands in...Read full story
Looking to Beat It with a real J.O. Bro In A Profound Spiritual Act Of Consensual Hetero Awesomeness.
Looking to Beat It with a real J.O. Bro In A Profound Spiritual Act Of Consensual Hetero Awesomeness. Date: 2010-08-30, 5:13PM EDT I'm a serious bro looking for a equally/more serious bro with fancy footwork. The idea is to tie our wrists together ala the "Beat It" video and then each JO/knife fight in a profound spiritual act of consensual hetero awesomeness. I would have done this way soon...Read full story
'Modern Family' scores upset in best gay comedy Emmy win
LOS ANGELES, CA - It was the "Glee" gay misfits versus the "Modern Family" gay brood at the Primetime Gay Emmys here on Sunday night, and the family took the top gay prize. Steven Levitan, one of the executive producers, said onstage that "we are...Read full story
Cops probe 'rainbow wig' found in Gareth Williams holdall
London - (The Spy Who Bagged Me News): Was the MI6 cryptographer a cross-dressing aficionado or a sinister target in a spooks' internal feud? Red Top reports this weekend say a multicolored rainbow wig was found stuffed inside the padlocked holdal...Read full story
Paris Hilton reveals diet secret
Top globe-trotting, press attention seeking celebrity Paris Hilton, revealed her diet secrets earlier today to the women at the local rehabilitation centre for anorexic heiresses who haven't a clue, where she was asked about her recent arrest for cok...Read full story
'French sluts row' as Iran slags off Carla Bruni Sarkozy
Tehran - (Stone-the-Crows!): The official Iranian PR organ Khayan has rubbished Madame Sarkozy, calling her a prostitute for doing what First Ladies do best. An editorial this week lambasted Carla Bruni's easy virtue for calling out Iranian mulla...Read full story
America braces itself ahead of a predicted and predictable tornado of "My Name is Earl/Hurricane" related jokes
MY NAME IS EARL, Hurricane Earl, that is. Hurricane Earl churned toward the south-eastern Caribbean Sunday after reaching Category One status and is thought be heading for American shores by Friday. Joke writers and comedians all over America...Read full story
Proms Review: Prom 57
Berg - Violin Concerto Beethoven - Symphony No 9, "Choral." Gil Shaham violin Helena Juntunen soprano Charlotte Hellekant mezzo-soprano Eric Cutler tenor Neal Davies bass BBC Symphony Chorus Minnesota Orchestra, Osmo Vänskä Pierre Noxious writes: Took myself and a couple of mates up to the Albert Hall on Saturday - Pete and Tig said they'd never heard the Berg so I said I'd trea...Read full story
Pak cricket captain - "We're not greedy scumbags, merely underpaid victims"
Spoofland: The Pakistani cricket captain today revealed how he and his team, far from being greedy scumbags seeking to line their own pockets, are in fact underpaid and penniless victims of other people's greed. In an exclusive interview given wit...Read full story
'Good Girl' Stunned to See Herself Acting Suggestively on YouTube
RINGSIDE, Ky.-A "good girl" who only let herself get out of contol once in her life was mortified to discover that her single act of rebellion was captured on video by someone's phone or other handheld device and posted for everyone to see. "I-I'm...Read full story
"Sarah Palin effect" sees female Republican candidates swell
Sarah Palin, the former Republican chick for vice-president, has inspired a wave of other chicks to swell the number of girly candidates running for the party this autumn to record levels. Every woman from housewives to homemakers to soccer mums t...Read full story
The Illuminati Are Super Duper Real!
Have you ever pondered the notion of a supreme being which controls all that exists in the modern world. No, not god. it's the god damn illuminati again. They control the government, that nigger Obama, and even Jay Z. My cat once took a shit outside the litter box whilst at the same time my fridge broke and I'm pretty sure I saw a UFO so who is that? WHO THE HELL IS TO BLAME!?!?!?! Idk. Bu...Read full story
National Stay Home from Work Day Boycott Gaining Momentum
While the Tea Baggers are busy off rallying for their causes, the Populist Party has come up with what they believe is a more effective way to get the attention of big corporate interests to pay attention to just how unhappy and underpaid their worke...Read full story
Will the Coalition Lead to Gay Marriage?
UK Report by Tori Banger - David Cameron and Nick Clegg have denied that their Coalition agreement requires them to undertake consideration of gay marriage. Neither of them is expecting a proposal at this stage. David said he'd got much more press...Read full story
US Media Celebrates as "Glenn Beck's 828 Plot Fails"
WASHINGTON, DC - "We know what Glenn Beck was REALLY trying to do" announced Katie Couric with contempt. Keith Olbermann was more direct, saying that the "Breaking the 7th Seal" plot was too much for Glenn Beck, even with the help of Sarah Palin and...Read full story
Kerry Katona & Peter Andre's Lovechild: "It'll Slip Out Like a Wet Fish"
Talentless alcoholic pillhead, Kerry Katona (aka Kerry Katatonic), is expecting her fifth child and this time it's the bastard lovechild of permatanned leatherman, Peter Andre. Andre - who has no freckles because they all slid off - has been smash...Read full story
Len Goodman Drops A Dancing With The Stars Bombshell Regarding Bristol Palin
HOLLYWOOD - The elder judge on Dancing With The Stars Len "The Crotchety Grouch" Goodman, who hails from England, has dropped a British bombshell on the DWTS producers. Goodman who in an all out fight with a pit bull could probably hold his own ha...Read full story
OMG! John James and Josie marriage and quintuplets!
After many minutes and maybe even hours of internet speculation, rumours of an engagement between Big Brother lovers John James Parton and Josie Gibson have finally been confirmed. Insider, Shannon from the John James and Josie thread, tells all i...Read full story
Rubbish Found In Wheelie Bin
Paper, cardboard cartons, eggshells, a slew of filthy nappies, and a large amount of rotten food were amongst countless other items found in a wheelie bin by police searching for missing animals in Coventry. The officers from West Midlands police...Read full story
Australia Elects First Black Fella To House Of Representatives
Australia is reeling this morning after it was announced that an Aboriginal has become the first one of its kind to win a seat in the country's House of Representatives. The quite normally-named Ken Wyatt, 57, won the seat of Hasluck in Western Au...Read full story