There were 311 spoof news stories published in April 2004. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Drill Sergeant Takes Over Iraq, Makes Whole Country Drop For Push-Ups
Parris Island, NC - Iraqis woke up this morning to the sounds of profanity and shouting this morning when control of Iraq was handed over to Marine Corps Drill Instructor Gunnery Sergeant Heartman.
Read full storyKermit The Frog Found Dead.
(New York, NY) April 28, 2004 - Kermit the Frog, former superstar of the puppet world and host of "The Muppet Show," was found dead Tuesday morning in his apartment on Sesame Street.
Read full story15 Year-Old French Girl Gets Book Published: Writers Commit Mass Suicide
New York -- Flavia Bujor, a 15 year old girl from Paris, France became a published author this past week, sparking a wave of mass-suicides among writers across the globe.
Read full storyChristina Aguilera Downgraded By Wachovia Securities
NEW YORK, April 27 (New Ratings) - Analysts at Wachovia Securities downgraded Christina Aguilera (NYSE: STD) from "skanky but doable" to "not with a ten foot pole."...
Read full storyU.S. Secret Service Use of President George W. Bush Clones, to Act as Body Doubles, Questioned
Washington, D.C. -- April 6, 2004...
Read full storyWinnie The Pooh Busted in 100 Acre Wood Sex Romp
Winnie the Pooh was arrested today on one count of public indecency, one count of fornication in a public location, one count of bestiality, as well as numerous other misdemeanors. Similar charges have been made against Winnie's collaborator, Ee...
Read full storySimon Cowell Fired From American Idol Due To Passing on William Hung
After William Hung's CD, Inspiration, went platinum, American Idol judge Simon Cowell was fired from the show.
Read full storyNew American Idol Controversy
Hollywood, Ca -- There is a new American Idol controversy behind the scenes that you may or may not know about. This Spoof reporter goes to th...
Read full storyRuud Van Nistelrooy Wins Grand National
The Manchester United striker was missing from the United side as they defeated Arsenal at Villa park on Saturday, but his absence wasn't due to his knee injury as many thought. No, it became clear that Ruud was actually running in the Grand...
Read full storyZimmer Frames to be outlawed in England
In a move certain to exacerbate already strained relations between the UK government and its Senior Citizens (or Old Gits as they are widely known) the Health and Safety Executive has recommended that Zimmer Frames be banned from June this year.
Read full storyTed Koppel to honor all US troops on ABC Nightline
NEW YORK -- ABC's popular news show, Nightline, has agreed not to air their scheduled broadcast of the names and photographs of US soldiers killed in Oilperation Iraqi Freedom.
Read full storyMcSushi
New York City, U.S.A. - MacDonald's Corporation announced today to Wall Street analysts a joint venture with the International Rice Genome Sequencing Project (IRGSP) of Beijing, China. The venture is expected to produce revolutionary rice products f...
Read full storyBritney Spears' New Video Causes Outrage
New York - The early release of Britney Spears new video, Everytime, was met with huge amounts of criticism from activists all across the United States. In the video, Spears is seen taking some pills and ends up dead in the bathtub. The apparent su...
Read full storyVito Corleone to Lead Coalition Forces in Iraq
Fallujah - In a surprising and unprecedented move, UN officials today appointed Don Vito Corleone Supreme Commander of coalition forces in Iraq.
Read full storyWeapons of Mass Destruction Discovered in Nevada, Bush Declares War on U.S.
In a televised press conference from the White House today, U.S. President George W. Bush announced that his unrelenting hunt for weapons of mass destruction (WMDs) has turned up a massive arsenal of nuke-u-lar weapons right here in the United States...
Read full storyThatcher's funeral - nation celebrates!!!
"Ding dong . . . . . the witch is gone!" This is the unifying chant which has brought an entire nation to a climactic celebration in Scotland which has become a Mecca for party-goers across Britain.
Read full storyOmarosa To Star in Apprentice Spinoff
New York City - NBC, trying to make up for the end of 'Friends', has created a sitcom starring Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth, called 'No Friends'.
Read full storyApprentice Scandal: Does Carolyn Look like Di?
Americans were shocked last night when Donald Trump said that his right-hand woman, Carolyn Kepcher, looked like Princess Di.
Read full storyHollywood Gives Olsen Twins A Star on the Walk of Fame
Baby billionairesses, Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, who will be 18 in about 6 weeks {that's right guys, get ready!}, have just been honored with a Star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.
Read full storyMichael Jordon Proclaimed King of Jordan
The world famous basket ball star finally claimed his birth right today with the coronation ceremony proclaiming him the new ruler of the country of Jordan.
Read full storyHubble Telescope Discovers Black Hole on Uranus
NASA announced today that the Hubble telescope has recently sent them images of Uranus that have led them to making some shocking discoveries. "We have discovered what appears to be a black hole on Uranus," comment John Spacey, Director of Misa...
Read full storyBennifer Has Been Replaced: Hollywood has new "Super Couple"
People all over the world are shouting and laughing and enjoying life again. The reason? Hollywood has a new Super Couple, an "It Pair".
Read full storyJohn Kerry Campaign Manager, Mary Beth Cahill, quits as annual earnings approach $200k.
In a shock announcement Mary Beth Cahill, who up to now has been the rock on which the Kerry campaign has been built, resigns and shifts her focus to the re-election of George W. Bush.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Votes for Jennifer Hudson Were Sent to a Blender
Last week, many American Idol fans were outraged when Jennifer Hudson was voted off the show. An investigation revealed that the votes for Hundson sent via text messaging were sent to an internet blender in Iowa, owned by local health nut Mavis Higg...
Read full storyPenis Extension industry files suit against owners of Colorado WinterPark Ski resort.
An unusual case filed today against the thriving Colorado ski resort today has come to the attention of both lawmakers and anti-spam lobbyists.
Read full storyScientists clone Jesus.
The Californian institute for scientific research today revealed that not only had it successfully cloned a human being but that it chose to go for the big one and had cloned Jesus.
Read full storyOmarosa in the Derby after two drop out
Louisville, KY-If you thought this year's Kentucky Derby would be another Bob Baffert waltz ‘round the turns, grab you horse beating rods because it's about to get rough.
Read full storyRare Rabbie Burns poem found could be "worth millions"
An unheard poem penned by the famous Scottish poet Robert "Rabbie" Burns was put on auction today at Sothebys in London yesterday, and was said by experts to potentially be worth more than twomillion pounds. The poem, which had lain undiscovered…
Read full storyCyprus To Vote No To Partition: War Looms Beetween US/EU and India/Russia
"I feel taken for a ride by the Greek Cypriot government," Mr Verheugen told the European Parliament.
Read full storyWeapons of Mass Destruction found in Iraq
Weapons of Mass Destruction have finally been found in Iraq.
Read full storyWesbite Links Al-Qaeda to Hot Lesbian Action
Baghdad -- A Web site posted a statement Monday attributed to Osama bin Laden associate Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, claiming responsibility for deadly weekend suicide attacks on two oil terminals in southern Iraq. The website also has connections to some...
Read full storyDetroit Woman Still Waiting for $20 Applebee's Gift Certificate
Detroit, MI 39 year old Detroit file clerk Lorraine Johnson today expressed concern that the $20 gift certificate to the restaurant chai...
Read full storyBudweiser Spins Off a New Gay Themed Beer
As of next Wednesday, gay men will have a new beer to call their own. St. Louis, MO based Anheuser-Busch, the maker of Budweiser, has announced plans to open a spin off bottler complete with its own brands, the first of which will be the gay-themed...
Read full storyMrs Skeletor to stand by husband after Evil-Lyn sex allegations
IN A moving speech last night, the wife of Eternia's most ruthless supervillain made a controversial pledge to stand by her embattled husband after a week of scandalous allegations regarding his extra-marital sex life.
Read full storyRhino Has Sex With Car
LONDON, England -- A rampant rhinoceros gave a group of visitors a day to remember at a British safari park when he tried to have sex with their car.
Read full storyHilton and Friends Join Kerry For Democratic Party
NEW YORK - After announcing his choice for running mate to The Spoof this past week, presidential hopeful John Kerry was seen checking into a posh New York hotel with vice presidential want a be Paris Hilton early Sunday morning. The pair had been...
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden Apologizes For Vagueness Of Threats
Washington DC, and Afghanistan, perhaps (12 Apr 2004): In her appearance before the 9/11 Commission last week, US National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice testified that the 06 August 2001 Presidential Daily Briefing (PDB) was merely &quo...
Read full storyWoman Charged in Beating Death of Personal Computer
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - Microsoft systems analyst, Melinda Bates was charged today with manslaughter in the beating death of her personal office computer "Ted". The body of the computer was found by hikers, out on a day hike, under heavy bru...
Read full storyMathematics Professor proves that Iraq problems do not exist
Ford Edsel Ford, Professor of Applied Mathematics at the Barbara Bush Memorial College in Norwich, PA, has shocked the world of politics and science today with a radical claim that the violence, hatred, religious intolerance and rather bad behaviour...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Library Opening February 2005
U.S. President George "Wimpy" Bush announced today that he will be opening his presidential library in Spring 2005. Most presidents don't establish libraries until after they are out of office. "I'll be lucky if I'm still allowed in the U.S., let...
Read full storyBrain surgery may cure urge to vote Democrat
Doctors at a private clinic in the US claim to have cured a stinking Democrat Party voter of his vile disease using brain surgery. 31-year-old Dabney Icepick vows he will now only ever vote Republican.
Read full storyBob Dylan to Appear in Victoria's Secret Commercials
New York - In a move to increase market share retail lingerie giant Victoria's Secret has signed Bob Dylan to appear in the company ads. Dylan was not a hard sell when approached about the campaign, said Ed Razek, chief creative officer for Victor...
Read full storyGeorge W. Bush Relaxes Anti-Abortion Stance.
In a surprise move Bush today unveiled a pro-abortion policy paper, which if he is re-elected, could become law.
Read full storyOmarosa hired by Al Qaeda
After an intense interview process with Al Qaeda's number one man,Osama bin Laden, Omarosa Manigault-Stallworth was hired to head up the organization's Transportation Department.
Read full storyShock and Outrage as Jesus perpetrates 'Bigger than Beatles' scandal
The heavens and the earth were thrown into ungodly turmoil yesterday as Jesus H. Christ, son of the Jewish oil magnate God, said that He was ‘bigger than the Beatles'.
Read full storyBush Unveils New "Kill Everybody" Plan
Washington - President Bush unveiled a new plan today for bringing stability to Iraq. The plan, which the President has named "Operation Kill Everybody", would call for an additional 9 million troops, several million tons of napalm, and a number of...
Read full storyBaby naming on the increase.
Studies today revealed that the once rare phenomenon of giving a newly born child a name is on the increase in today's society.
Read full storyMulticultural Kosovo: US Police Officers Killed by UN Forces
KOSOVSKA MITROVICA: Three UN police officers - two American women and a Jordanian - were killed in northern Kosovo and 11 others were injured after a quarrel between Anglo-Saxon and Arab UN officers about US policy in the middle east led to an exchan...
Read full storyMcDonalds To Outsource Drive Through!
Unconfirmed Sources report that McDonalds corporation has made plans to outsource drive through order taking to a call center in the Phillipines "It is an amazing technological feat." Says one industry watcher. And a great way to cut a mass...
Read full storyJohn Kerry Chooses Running Mate
The Spoof has the scoop. John Kerry has chosen his vice presidential running mate. It is none other than hotel heiress and sexy socialite, Paris Hilton.
Read full storyGraduate Student Now Embarrassed By Old Email Address
Duluth, MN-University of Minnesota graduate student Ben Arnold admits the past can sometimes be hard to live down, especially when you are forced to revisit it every day. Arnold, a second year Pharmaceutical student, carries his albatross, herblvr...
Read full story"Spirit", Mars exploration rover, eaten by Martians
"Spirit", one of the two NASA rovers that arrived on Mars in January, has been attacked and eaten by a Martian.
Read full storyTrump's Apprentice Sends Construction Workers to ER on Day One
Bill Rancic, winner of the reality show "The Apprentice", and now, President of some Trump company, burned two construction workers who are building the Chicago skyscraper that Rancic is overseeing.
Read full storyPhone Sex Operators Protest as Jobs are Outsourced to India
LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - Phone sex operators for 1-800-GIRLY conducted a "sit in" protest today at the head office on their employer Dialaporn.com...
Read full storyHollywood Film Industry confesses disappointment as Queen Mary 2 arrives in NY without incident.
The hopes of major Hollywood studios were dashed today as the Queen Mary II arrived safely in New York after a safe and uneventful maiden voyage.
Read full story99 Cent Only Stores To Raise Prices
City of Commerce, CA - Discount retailer 99 Cent Only Stores announced today that effective immediately all products in all 194 of its stores will now be a $1.01. "Due to ever increasing manufacturing costs overseas we had no choice but to ra...
Read full storyBritney Spears My Youth
It wasn’t until the advent of pop phenomenon Britney Spears that I realized I was aging far faster than I had previously imagined. Yup, gone seem the days of Carole King and Joni Mitchell ballads; with the success of Britney wiggling and jiggling her way across the globe, it appears the poetic lyrics and well-crafted melodies of my youth have gone the way of the Vac-U-Form. (If you have to...
Read full storyMarijuana Party Candidate Drops Out, Endorses Kerry, As Does Hasselhoff
In a move that will most definitely turn the tide of the election in democratic nominee John Kerry's favor, Marijuana Party presidential hopeful Dodd Sheppo has announced that he is dropping out of the race and putting his full support behind Ker...
Read full storyCruelty of Genetics; Cloning of Omarosa and Heidi into Oma-Heidi; The Perverse Political Angle
In its continuing attack on John Kerry-Heinz, the White House told writer KungFu IceSkater, that it would release pictures even scarier than earlier released pictures of William Jefferson Clinton ("The Bill") with his "damage-control" advis...
Read full storyPresident George W. Bush Said to Have Dreams of Pro-Baseball Career
Washington, D.C. -- April 6, 2004...
Read full storyYou Can't Make This Shit Up
NEW YORK - In yet another example of "You Can't Make This Shit Up" from the Big Apple, two gay lovers took off most of their clothes, climbed up a tree in New York's Central Park and spent four hours engaging in sex acts and yelling abuse at pol...
Read full storyRedneck Publishes Roadkill Cookbook
Cousinpoke, Alabama -- Gourmands and publishers alike are basking in the success of America's latest gourmet genius. Clem Dinkley, 47, former tractor-pull aficionado and trapper burned up the New York Times Bestseller list this week with the pub...
Read full storyGoogle in terrorist shocker!
Internet giants Google and Amazon today were charged under the homelands security act with supporting terrorism today after a White House aide typed 'Anthrax' into Google search and was shocked to find the following statement. "Anthrax available i...
Read full storyLeaked George Bush Transcripts Unveil Election Strategy: Sexual Innuendo
In January 2002 the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, met the leader of the free world "W", to discuss changes in the world's political and social landscape. The following text is an "un-declassified" transcript of a private...
Read full storyFrustrations mount as Baby Shits in Clean Diaper.
New parent Bob Queen today came close to boiling point as baby daughter, April, squeezed out a watery stool no more than 30 seconds after a change. "It's been happening all day", Bob lamented. "I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong… it just seems tha…
Read full storyEnvironmental Groups Now Warn Of "Global Temperature Stasis"
(New York, NY) Following the brouhaha in the 70's over the dire effects of global cooling, and a more recent spate of Doomsday Scenario prognostications relating to the supposed phenomenon of global warming, environmental pressure groups are no...
Read full storyAn Open Letter to the British People:
Dear British, I, John Andersen, of Lakewood, CO would like to run for a spot in your House of Commons. I’ve been watching CSPAN 2 now for a few months and I believe I am well qualified to represent some English hamlet or small county. I don’t know much about your system of government or even your country’s proximity to Colorado, but I do know that I have a strong desire to lead and a knack...
Read full storyThe Pope and PETA End Feud over Friday Fish.
Bishop Santori Anderpopolis announced that the Pope and PETA have come to an understanding regarding Catholics and eating fish on Fridays. Clara Bennett the spokesperson for PETA called this a "great day" for our Catholic members. PETA also ho...
Read full storyPart-time prime minister Blair awarded Victoria Cross for Iraq bravery
It has been disclosed today that the prime minister of the UK, Toby Blair, has been honoured with a medal for his bravery as a part-time reservist in the Iraq war. The startling revelation that the medal is none other than the revered Victoria Cross...
Read full storySecret tapes released declassifying George Bush / Tony Blair Discussions; The Sexual Conspiracy
In January 2002 the British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, met the leader of the free world "W", to discuss changes in the world's political and social landscape. The following text (provided to writer KungFu IceSkater) is an "un-decl...
Read full story"Too many long words" was reason Bush failed to act on 9/11 memo
The White House has revealed why President George W. Bush failed to act on the August 2001 memo warning of possible attacks by Al Qaeda: it simply contained too many long words. "Clandestine - what kind of a damn fool word is that?" the president...
Read full storyUltimate Survivor Challenge
Providing few other details concerning the matter, President George W. Bush announced that, once Osama Bin Laden is finally captured, the President along with Vice President Dick Cheney, UK Prime Minister Tony Blair and others within the US led coali...
Read full storyDavid Beckham Breathes
The world seems to follow everything David Beckham does. We watched and waited as the last supposed scandal unfolded.
Read full storyWacky Hats in Iraq: The Solution to Decreased Morale?
With the increasing attacks upon American soldiers stationed in Iraq, there has also been a vast decrease in the morale of US servicemen and women. General. M. Brandock told the Spoof that his men "just do not want to fight anymore, they dont kn...
Read full storyGermany Demands Freedom for European Nazis
A Russian-cum-Belarus-sponsored resolution at the Geneva conference on human rights against racism and xenophobia expressed deep concern at the tendency of some states to glorify former members of the SS, instituting monuments in their honour and all...
Read full storyMan Actually Falls for April Fool's Joke
A local man truly fell for an April Fool's joke on Thursday, the first such reported instance in about 15 years.
Read full storyCruelty of Genetics; Cloning of Omarosa and Heidi into Oma-Heidi And The Perverse Political Angle.
In its continuing attack on John Kerry-Heinz, the White House announced that it would release pictures even scarier than earlier released pictures of William Jefferson Clinton ("The Bill") with his “damage-control” adviser, Oma-Ho-Sa. Even though a picture of The Bill with Oma-Ho-Sa is widely available, The Bill quickly announced "I never had work relations with that woman and I nev...
Read full storySimon Cowell joins John Kerry as chief advisor.
In a strange marriage of politics and showbiz, John Kerry invites American Idol genius Simon Cowell on board to help choose a running mate for the 2004 election.
Read full storySlovenia Tackles Nazi Rise With Flag Change, Joins EU
Frustrated by foreign politicians confusing it with fellow central European state Slovakia for its similar-sounding name and similar-looking flag, Slovenia is considering changing its flag.
Read full storyIraqi WMD "Mobile Factories" were ice cream vans - Cowell admits
Washington DC, USA - In what appears to be a serious U-turn in the White House Iraqi WMD stance, it appears that the much-publicised mobile "WMD factory trailers" - a part of key evidence used to justify the war - were not what they seemed. General S...
Read full storyCruelty of Genetics. Cloning of Omarosa and Heidi into Oma-Heidi And The Perverse Political Angle
In its continuing attack on John Kerry-Heinz, the White House told writer KungFu IceSkater, that it would release pictures even scarier than earlier released pictures of William Jefferson Clinton ("The Bill") with his "damage-control" advis...
Read full storyTelstra apologises to Warne and Beckham over text messaging mixup
Telstra (Australia) has issued an unreserved apology to both Shane Warne and David Beckham after it was revelled that arising from a packet switching error in their network the two sports stars have been unknowingly sending each other x rated text m...
Read full storyWashington Interns Back John Kerry
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Democratic Presidential Candidate John Kerry picked up yet another endorsement today, this one from the Local Interns Professional Services Union.
Read full storyCyprus: US Eyes Military Bases, India Rages
The Bush administration rejected calls for a delay in reuniting wealthy Cyprus and said Monday a U.N. plan to end 30 years of separation is the only possible solution.
Read full storyKerry Picks Kofi Annan As Veep; Gains Poll Points In Berkeley, Accra
(WASHINGTON, D.C.) Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry today announced his selection of U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan as his running mate. Annan, 66, has occupied the U.N. post since June of 2001.
Read full storyO'Reilly Admits He's a Liberal
New York - Bill O'Reilly admitted today in an interview with Barbara Walters that he really is a Liberal and that all of the conservative posturing that he as been doing for years was just a show. "It feels good to finally come clean," said an openl...
Read full storyCyprus 'No' To Re-Partition: India, Cuba Praise Cypriot Heroism
Greek Cypriots defied international pressure on Saturday, overwhelmingly voting "No" to a US backed UN plan to legitimise 30 years of partition on the Mediterranean island just before Cyprus joins the European Union.
Read full storyPresident Proclaims April 1st National Holiday: Grants Amnesty to nearly all white-collar criminals
Washington, D.C. -- April 1, 2004...
Read full storyRemains of McDonalds CEO Jim Cantalupo will be added to Big Mac's Special Sauce
In accordance with his last request, recently deceased McDonalds CEO Jim Cantalupo will be cremated, and his remains will be added to the Big Mac's special sauce.
Read full storySlovenia Votes Nato-Nazi, Joins EU
Slovenia has voted on whether to adopt a law restoring human rights to thousands of people erased from the national register after independence.
Read full storyJanet Jackson Unleashes New Album: Breasts Remain Hidden
Janet Jackson's new album, Damita Jo was released yesterday. She appeared in various places to promote the album. Her breasts remained hidden, for the most part.
Read full storyGoogle files for IPO
Mountain View, CA - Google, the leader in Internet searches, has filed for IPO, to be traded on the NYSE under the ticket symbol GOO.
Read full storyNadergate? Democrats Accuse Ralph Nader of being Republican Clone
Democratic National Committee (DNC) Chairman Terry McAuliffe is reported to have sent off a letter to the Federal Election Commission (FEC) accusing Republicans of secretly cloning Ralph Nader. In the letter, McAuliffe is said to have stated that...
Read full storyHearts and minds battle plan revealed
The US government today announced a new initiative today to win the battle for hearts and minds in Iraq. The administration said that in order to win the peace in Iraq as convincingly as they won the war they were willing to try almost anything to...
Read full storyCondi's presidential bid ruined by Thai Rice Company lawsuit
Condoleezza Rice's hopes of becoming president have been dashed after it was revealed that President Rice is a registered trade mark.
Read full storyIraq: Prostitution Soars as Serb Advisors Pull Out
Thousands of residents of the besieged city of Fallujah have abandoned their homes ---- and all their belongings ---- to escape getting crushed between Iraqi insurgents and American might. Their homes are now occupied by ethnic minority Americans. Un...
Read full storyJustin and Nicole's Love Child
Hollywood, Ca -- Last week the Spoof reported that Hollywood has its new Super Couple, Justin Guarini and Nicole Richie, GUARICHIE (see I spell...
Read full storyCyprus: Turks Praise, Greeks Attack Greek-Cypriot 'No' Vote
"It is neither the government nor our diplomatic team that saved Turkey from being dragged down a very dangerous road, but the Greek Cypriots," said Turkish opposition Republican People's Party (CHP) leader Deniz Baykal on Monday.
Read full storyBush Supports Sharon's Decision to Withdraw
Washington, DC -- President Bush announced at a press conference last night, that he supports Sharon Osborne's desire to withdraw from the...
Read full storyCyprus-India Alliance Threatens US Hegemony
Manohar Ram, Acting Indian High Commissioner to the Eastern Mediterranean island of Cyprus, this week presented to the Ministry of Commerce and Industry of the Cyprus government a pre-feasibility report on the proposed establishment of a Technology P...
Read full story