Budweiser Spins Off a New Gay Themed Beer

Funny story written by dalepetrie

Sunday, 25 April 2004

image for Budweiser Spins Off a New Gay Themed Beer
The King of Queers

As of next Wednesday, gay men will have a new beer to call their own. St. Louis, MO based Anheuser-Busch, the maker of Budweiser, has announced plans to open a spin off bottler complete with its own brands, the first of which will be the gay-themed "Buttweiser". The concept is quite tongue and cheek and will play off of many of it's own trademarks for humorous value, in order to grow the new brand's appeal among the coveted 21-35 target market.

The new bottler will go under the name "And How's Your Bush", a humorous take on the company's own name, and it's first offering, "Buttweiser" will be marketed using the same format as their current Budweiser brands, via its award winning "Real Men of Genius" radio spots. Instead of saluting men of genius, this marketing campaign will focus on saluting "Men of Desperation", that is young gay men who are so beaten down by society's pressures that they have to stoop to unimaginable deeds. The first ad, which hits the air next Tuesday, one day before the official product launch, uses the same music, the same announcer and the same basic format as the "Real Men of Genius" ads. The Spoof has obtained a transcript of the new ad and has printed it below:

Announcer: Buttweiser presents, "Men of Desperation"

Singer: Men of desperation…

Announcer: Today we salute you, Mr. Gay Porno Movie Fluffer

Singer: Mr. Gay Porno Movie Fluffer…

Announcer: Thanks to your tireless efforts, Bruno and Frank can drill each other for half an hour, without losing their zip.

Singer: Doing it for the money…

Announcer: You don't care where it's been, oh master of oral suction. You've got to keep both guys running at full steam. Armed with only a tube of chapstick, you overcome your gag reflex and take one for the team.

Singer: Oh My God!

Announcer: For a couple hundred lousy bucks, you swallow yard after yard of brown stained man salami, just so the gay porno movie viewer can see every position imaginable.

Singer: What a freakin' weirdo…

Announcer: Without you, a gay porno would take several days to film, but you can get 2 or 3 films done in a single day. You lube the gears of filmmaking, and always ensure that we get to see the big money shot.

Backup singers: Don't choke, don't choke…

Announcer: So crack open a nice warm Buttweiser Mr. Gay Porno Movie Fluffer. Because lockjaw is a small price to pay when you're gay and need rent money.

Singer: Mr. Gay Porno Movie Fluffer.

Announcer: And How's Your Bush? St. Louis, Missouri.

At press time, no further information is available about future new brands by "And How's Your Bush", but company insiders suggest that they may consider marketing their non-alcoholic brew O'Douls to lesbians under the moniker "O'Dykes".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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