Bennifer Has Been Replaced: Hollywood has new "Super Couple"

Funny story written by Deanna Goodson

Thursday, 15 April 2004

People all over the world are shouting and laughing and enjoying life again. The reason? Hollywood has a new Super Couple, an "It Pair".

"Since Bennifer broke up, tabloid sales have gone way, way down. I had to sell my boat and revert to making up stories," one tabloid journalist said.

"I had nothing to depend on, you know. When a couple like Ben and Jen split up, it makes you feel that nothing in this world is secure. It made me question my own Bubba's fidelity," Josie Grossy said from underneath a lamp at the salon. The lamp wasn't on, but she just likes sitting under them while she waits for her tips and highlights.

Have I kept you waiting long enough? Wanna know who the new "It Pair" is?

Okay. It's none other than the American Idol first season runner-up, Justin Guarini and the less interesting half of the "Simple Life" duo of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.

Yes, Nicole Ritchie and Justin Guarini have merged to become GUARITCHIE!!!!

"Well, they decided that since they both know what it's like to be #2, that they would become 2 together. The union is so sacred to each of them. They are committed to each other and to making mediocre records together and milking their fifteen minutes of fame. They figure that together they can accomplish what neither of them could do alone. It's true love, baby," A catty little witch who frequents the Justin Guarini fansites online said.

Of course the union of these two begs a few questions. Please indulge me a bit, okay!

  • How bad will the hair be on a child from this union?
  • Will they make a movie together?
  • Will it be worse than "Gigli" or "From Justin To Kelly"?
  • Will Fox TV pay for the wedding?
  • Will anyone watch their nuptials?
  • Does anyone care that they got together?
  • What do Paris Hilton and Kelly Clarkson think about this union?
  • Why? Why? Why?

Attempts to reach Lionel Ritchie, Nicole's talented dad, only got an answering machine containing the lyrics,

Hello, is it me you're looking for...

Stay tuned to the Spoof for more updates to this story as I can concoct them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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