In accordance with his last request, recently deceased McDonalds CEO Jim Cantalupo will be cremated, and his remains will be added to the Big Mac's special sauce.
Newly appointed CEO Charlie Bell said, "I don't see what the big deal is. We always use human remains in our special sauce. People accuse us of using thousand island dressing, but we don't. Special sauce consists of ketchup, vinegar, rat droppings, lead paste, and human remains. What do you mean I wasn't supposed to reveal the secret recipe? Let go of me. I'm the CEO, I can say what I want. SECRET SAUCE IS PEOPLE! IT'S PEOPLE!"
It is likely that Bell will be asked to resign. It is unclear whether Vice President of Marketing Grimace, or Chief Financial Officer Hamburgler will be offered the position.
