Rhino Has Sex With Car

Funny story written by Dan Bristol

Friday, 23 April 2004


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President Bush Upon Receiving Word of Sharka the Rhino's Sexcapades

LONDON, England -- A rampant rhinoceros gave a group of visitors a day to remember at a British safari park when he tried to have sex with their car.

Sharka, a two-ton white rhino, literally tried to hump the living bejeezus out of Dave Alsop's car when he stopped with three friends to take pictures of the animal mating with his partner Trixie at the West Midland Safari Park. Sharka, widely regarded as a sexual maverick, suddenly decided his regular partner wasn't enough and proceeded to have wild, angry animal sex with a freakin' car.

The 12-year-old rhino tried to mount the Renault Laguna from the side, his brutal, animalistic passion overwhelming the virgin vehicle, denting the doors and ripping off the wing mirrors before Dave drove away with a puffing Sharka in pursuit with cries of "Come back here, you bitch! Who's your daddy?".

"He was a big boy and obviously aroused," Alsop told reporters Thursday, his eyes glazing over with a mixture of fear and arousal.

"He sidled up against us. The next thing I know he's banging away at the car and it's rocking like hell."

Other witnesses described the incident as "magnificent," and applauded wildly as Sharka chased the car down the road.

A spokeswoman for the park, which says "rhinos are not particularly intelligent animals" on its Web site, said Sharka was a hit with the female rhinos and had fathered two calves and a Yugo in the last five years.

"He's got a bit of a reputation this lad and he was obviously at it again," she added. "GOD what a sexy brute!"

When word of the incident reached Washington, President Bush was reported to have "drooled and twitched for a while".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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