Written by Deanna Goodson

Thursday, 1 April 2004

image for Janet Jackson Unleashes New Album: Breasts Remain Hidden
Janet Wraps Things Up

Janet Jackson's new album, Damita Jo was released yesterday. She appeared in various places to promote the album. Her breasts remained hidden, for the most part.

First reactions by famous listeners include:

  • Damita Jo What the hell is that? Her middle name or something? She needs to get more creative. -- Britney Spears
  • I'm sorry, but I would rather see her breasts again than listen to this crap.-- Justin Timberlake
  • It wasn't tit-illating enough for me. See, I made a punny. -- Carrot Top, the internationally-renowned comedian and spokesperson for 1-800-DIAL ATT.
  • Not sure what I think. Is Michael doing background vocals? That would make it good. --Michael Jackson
  • I guess it's better than Britney Spears' last CD. Of course, it still makes me wish I were deaf. --anonymous.

Sales have been pretty good so far. Of course, one Tower Records employee said, "They'll return 'em, once they realize she's not nude anywhere on the CD. Besides, what do I care? I'm losing my job in a few months, but I'm not bitter. Nope."

Janet has no plans for another album in the near future. "She just can't do it. At least not until she gets married again or changes her name in some other way. She's been considering a few possibilities, though. She's just such a private person and we know she will keep it under wraps, so to speak, until she's ready. She always does," winked Jomama Saidwhat, a representative for a record company and a reported, 'close' Jackson family friend.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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