Slovenia Votes Nato-Nazi, Joins EU

Funny story written by alex palamedes

Saturday, 10 April 2004

Slovenia has voted on whether to adopt a law restoring human rights to thousands of people erased from the national register after independence.

Slovenia's state electoral commission said 89.61% voted in favour of joining the EU, 66.02% supported Nato membership, and 96% voted against returning the citizenship rights stripped of its 18,000 Bosnian, Croat, and Serb inhabitants. After Slovenian officals declared independence from Yugoslavia in 1992, ensuring automatic promotion within the new state apparatus, the ethnic minority inhabitants, now known as 'The Erased',
were obliged to re-apply for citizenship. Amid independence celebrations, however, authorities neglected to inform them of their change in status.

"It is a shame that they were erased, but the country will go bankrupt if it has to pay compensation," said Miha Sentjak, a bus driver. "We've come too far to let the country go down the drain just like that."

"I welcome the vote of confidence Slovenes have given Nato and their willingness to accept the obligations of membership," Nato Secretary General George Robertson said in a statement. He added that NATO member Turkey has never acknowledged the Armenian genocide of 1915-1923, that in 1999 Germany was able to project genocidal guilt onto Serbia and assist in its destruction, and that the Slovenian conscience will soon be mollified through membership of NATO's forthcoming but undisclosed humanitarian intervention.

Following the decline in support for multiculturalism in US and UK populations, Slovenian voters have gone beyond Anglo-Saxon 'enlightened mono-culturalism' to reclaim the ideal of a mono-ethnic state as favoured by fellow NATO member Croatia and fellow ex-Yugoslavia member Kosovo.

"Future generations will tell us whether the decision we made was the right one," said the daily Dnevnik.

The current US-led attack on Iraq, however, is opposed by 80% of Slovenes and some fear membership of Nato will mean domination by an ethnically mixed US. Slovenes are said to hold a 'common-sense' approach to the Iraqi question, favouring division into Kurdistan and Shia and Sunni entities.

The Austria-Hungary Institute, a Llubjana based think-tank, has led a delegation to Washington and advised Congressmen to follow the Slovenian model in its occupation of Iraq. Iraqis should be obliged to re-register as citizens, and when they fail to do so due to unfortunate administrative errors, they will be deprived of rights relative to the ethnic American minority. A pro-American government, made up of ethnic Americans, will then legitimise the Iraqi Governing Council.

Pentagon officials have made no comment on the Slovenian proposal, having pumped tens of millions of dollars into the Serb run Operation Containment, which leading Democrats are already critisizing as 'too soft'.

"Why don't these Serbs just let our brave men and women do their jobs?" said Presidential Candidate John Kerry, showing the first signs of a Republican/Democrat split over 'dovish' Serb and 'hawkish' Slovenian military advisers. The Bush camp has hit back, claiming that pausing around Fallujah to allow evacuation of women and children ultimately meant a higher liquidation ratio of Iraqi men.

In Slovenia itself the popular victory of 'Slovenia for the Slovenes' has inspired a number one pop song:

"We can say that our generation is a brave generation, perhaps even a little bit adventurous."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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