Bush Unveils New "Kill Everybody" Plan

Funny story written by Dan Bristol

Wednesday, 28 April 2004

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President Bush Speaking to Reporters on America's Need For "Lebensraum"

Washington - President Bush unveiled a new plan today for bringing stability to Iraq. The plan, which the President has named "Operation Kill Everybody", would call for an additional 9 million troops, several million tons of napalm, and a number of nuclear missiles to be sent to the war-torn nation.

"Those freakin' people really cheese me off," the President Told reporters today. "I think I'll have them all killed." The President then drooled and twitched for several minutes.

Operation Kill Everybody would go into effect immediately, to be stopped as soon as everybody in Iraq is dead. The plan has drawn fire from Congress, who have formulated their own "Operation Slap Everybody Around a Little," which supporters have described as a far gentler and much more comical solution.

"You can't just, like, kill everyone in Iraq," said a member of Congress who spoke with Spoof reporters on condition of anonymity. "That would be mean."

However, the President's plan has also drawn its share of support on Capitol Hill. The Joint Chiefs have applauded Operation Kill Everybody as "just the kind of red-blooded American thinking Iraq needs." Senator Chuck U. Farley (R) has told Spoof reporters that "once we totally depopulate Iraq, America should be safe. We can then use the country for storage, maybe name it America II."

President Bush lauded Senator Farley's idea, calling it "nifty". He then told reporters, "Once we kill everybody and get America II up and running, then we can start work on America III: The Palestinian Adventure."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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