Woman Charged in Beating Death of Personal Computer

Funny story written by susan allen-rosario

Friday, 16 April 2004

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"It was badly beaten, parts thrown all over the place", investigators reported.

SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - Microsoft systems analyst, Melinda Bates was charged today with manslaughter in the beating death of her personal office computer "Ted". The body of the computer was found by hikers, out on a day hike, under heavy brush just south of the city of Seattle. "It was badly beaten. parts thrown all over the place. We didn't think we would ever be able to find it's owner", investigators reported. Forensic pathologists were able to identify the owner of the computer using data from the systems hard drive. Co-workers of Ms. Bates state, "She told us it was in the shop". Others reported hearing Bates threatening the computer just days before it disappeared. "She said she was going to beat the living crap out of it, if it screwed up again". Bates denied any involvement in the disappearance and beating of "Ted". but later, after a lengthy interrogation, admitted to the crime. Ms. Bates attorney claims she acted in self defence. "It was kill or be killed. The computer became a hateful, vicious machine, making hideous threats. "Ted" was e-mailing his buddies in Taiwan and charging items to my credit cards. He was out of control. I was helpless to stop him", Bates explains. The police aren't so sure, "Clearly, they had an adversarial relationship. But, nothing that would warrant this kind of violence".

Susan-Allen Rosario
Everett, Washington

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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