Brain surgery may cure urge to vote Democrat

Funny story written by Dan Holmes

Friday, 2 April 2004


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image for Brain surgery may cure urge to vote Democrat
Dabney is so much happier now.....

Doctors at a private clinic in the US claim to have cured a stinking Democrat Party voter of his vile disease using brain surgery. 31-year-old Dabney Icepick vows he will now only ever vote Republican.

Dabney, a farm worker from Ohio, has had Democrat Voting Disorder (or DVD) since he was old enough to vote. "I just cain't help it" he told theSpoof. "Every time I see a ballot paper I just have to vote Democrat. I tell you it's ruinin' my life - I ain't got no friends, my family's disowned me, my wife won't give me sex no more. I had to do something. The pig's getting tired."

Doctors at the Richard Nixon Memorial Clinic and Bar used a technique called deep brain removal, which involves extracting all vestiges of cerebral tissue from the patient's cranium and replacing it with wax. This enables the patient to continue with a normal lifestyle but destroys all urge to have anything to do with Democratic politics.

Doctor Paul D. Bunty, head of the team of surgeons who carried out the cerebrectomy, is well pleased with the outcome. "His symptoms have disappeared since the operation. Show him a picture of Bill Clinton and he throws up. Show him a picture of George W and he drools, throws himself to his knees and begins to pray. It's a triumph."

The GOP, however, is playing it cool. "This is a private matter between Icepick and the clinic" said a spokesperson. "There are no plans to implement a major program of compulsory operations of this kind in areas packed with Democratic voting scum. It's not constitutional. Not yet, anyway."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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