Cyprus-India Alliance Threatens US Hegemony

Funny story written by alex palamedes

Sunday, 11 April 2004

image for Cyprus-India Alliance Threatens US Hegemony
General Chopra Addresses the Cypriot Parliament

Manohar Ram, Acting Indian High Commissioner to the Eastern Mediterranean island of Cyprus, this week presented to the Ministry of Commerce and Industry of the Cyprus government a pre-feasibility report on the proposed establishment of a Technology Park which was prepared by Indian experts.

The proposed Technology Park will include a cyber tower, a business zone, a commercial zone, an administrative zone and a knowledge centre, as well as residential and hotel complexes. According to the report, development in Cyprus would lead to all round development of state-of-the-art infrastructure, improve the modes of delivery of citizen services and e-government initiatives. As a result of the establishment of such a park in the next three years, Cyprus military exports could reach the figure of $1 billion.

Indian military observers drew one lesson from 1999's NATO crusade against Yugoslavia, 'never fight Americans without nuclear weapons.' As Greek-Cypriot leader Tassos Papadopoulos was berated by Washington over his 'tragic intransigence' for recommending the population vote against US Secretary without Portfolio Kofi Annan's re-unification plan, India put its might behind the increasingly demonized south-east Mediterranean island.

The Annan Plan was 'made to be refused', suggested Commissionar Ram.

US State Department Cyprus Envoy Thomas Weston said earlier this week that if the island's Greek Cypriots fail to accept the UN's Cyprus plan in an April 24 referendum, Turkey should not be made to pay the price with roadblocks to its getting a date to start its European Union membership negotiations.

India has signalled its refusal to accept US interference in EU affairs, and counter proposed that United States Steel Corp relinquish its ownership of Serbia's only steel mill, bought for a negligible sum in the days after Milosevic's 2000 election defeat. The US has recently suspended its $25 million worth of aid to Serbia. India 'would not permit' American meddling in Cyprus to turn the island into another Yugoslavia.

"Washington ruled out partition of Bosnia in 1992, it ruled out partition of Kosovo in 1996. It now possesses huge bases in both these regions. A further eastern shift by American forces will force India to dispense a harsh military lesson, " said General Chopra.

The American Ambassador to Nicosia has responded to the Indian ultimatum in a written statement. "America is an elephant, Cyprus is a flea."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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